Friends

Friends are actually marvellous things, ain't it ?

One to discuss the world and its afairs with
One for the times when I need pep-talk and encouragement
One to wallow about the slime pool that my life resembles now
One to go gaga over movies and old hindi music over
One to share the girl woes with
One for the fun times and merry making
One to share the ,'I only talk like this, but I'm not such a witch' attitude with .
One to fret over weight loss with
One to just send and receive kisses and hugs over facebook ..

So many ... I just don't tell this to them but I like all of them so much !They have a way of making life so so much easier to handle ... Like right now , I am looking for the pep-talk one cos I'm all jittery for reasons that cannot be disclosed here and no, whatever you assume is not that reason ! But she's off on a week long vacation :-( Oh well , her absence did make me mull over how amazing these people are .. and hoping this post would relieve the tension somewhat ..

On The VTV Note

I am credited with being the last person on earth to have watched Gautham Menon's latest musical romance flick , VTV - the name now so common that the abbreviation would suffice and even save some virtual breath.Its beautiful to watch, what with Trisha looking more angelic than ever,making every girl cringe wanting to look like that.The movie is equally delicious to listen to,holding us in thrall with the ARR magic.But what I set out to do was not write a review on the movie.Enough people have done that already for me to have anything more to add on to it.Having paid my deepest reverences to the maestro musician and the heavenly beauty,I set forth to say why I did not like the story.

The heady love story and the intense pursuit of it makes an interesting beginning.The idyllic view of Alappuzha adds flavour to the visual treat so much so that I now have a bee in my bonnet about visiting Alappuzha someday .Whoever bestowed the title of 'God's Own Country ' on Kerala ,must have had this blessed place in mind .I cannot mask my delight at the glimpses of Kerala and bits of Malayalam the film offered,stoking the flame of sweet love each one of us cherish for our own hometown and mother tongue .

The movie itself though left me with a bad taste in my mouth.Why does love always have to lose to be realistic? Why are parents always the villains of love?In the Indian context ,where children having love affairs are considered a disgrace to the family,isn't going halfway and then backing off,a disgrace to love itself?This is where I disagree with Jessie.She manages to disgrace her family by saying no to a marriage at the altar in front of the whole community ,and then goes on to do the same cold act again when she finally decides to give up on her love.Clearly,Jessie's reasoning prowess is not quite at a level with her beauty .Had the movie taken on the happy ending like the movie within the movie,Jessie would have saved women in general from the age old accusation of being 'cheaters in love'. I hear with amusement how romantics decry women of being traitors in love,every chance they get .

Having rejected the notion of love in a previous post,I feel the need for clarification before going ahead.Love is not allowed to exist,leave alone flourish,in our Indian cultural setup;not that love itself in non-existent.This happens largely due to the fact that love does not always look at religion and caste before happening to the unwarned.So in our pluralist melting pot of a society where we mix with people from every conceivable religion,caste and language, it's well nigh impossible to ensure that you fall only for someone who will match your exact profile w.r.t the afore-mentioned parameters.The older generation would cry fowl on how the younger lot will bring shame to the family honour through cross cultural marriages.No comments there.Its part of the Indian culture to obey and respect the elders.The arranged marriage system is also a part of our long standing tradition and is even the only hope of so many of our young commitment-phobic losers,including me , in finding a life mate .

However , as a member of the younger generation here's my take on love.Going the halfway in romance and then getting the cold feet and throwing love out of the window when its time to show some guts in getting committed to each other for life ,is like desecrating the purity of love.By all means,uphold the family honour but do not disgrace love in the process;for every time obedience is chosen over love, it loses a bit of its charm.For the lovelorn and the lonely heart alike,love is the elixir of life- the magic we all dream will happen to us in our lives and make living worth it .Be heroes in love,not losers!

Easier said than done?I know....

Verse Ofcourse !


A curse on my uninviting mailbox
Looks like it's under a hoax
For there's nothing new or fun in there
To make me smile even once in a while!

Cross I am with all those blogs
I regularly visit and turn back disappointed
Cos no new posts have they for me either
To make me think and ponder awhile.

A bolt of lightning on the idiot box
For all the boring shows and thousand channels
Bloodier are the reruns
Of anything nice they might once have had!

Cannot even turn to my all time love
In good stead they have stood me so long
My dearest pals ,my good old books
For I'm recovering from a Coelho overdose.

And so I take a path I've trodden so less
That of verse and rhyming words
As a last resort or escape
This here is what came out as a result.

Hoping someone would read it atleast
And that one wouldn't hate it too much
Mayn't be good but what the heck
That's the best and all that there is for now !!

Can I have my childhood back?

I still have mountains to climb,

And creeks to swim in .

I wanted to play some more in the rain ,

And kick in the slush muddier.

I missed to make friends with some of ‘em I met on the way,

I forgot to pick some more fights with those I played with .

There are fantasies yet to be shared with wide eyed mates,

And some more adventures to plan during lazy afternoons.

Should have fallen and broken my skin some more,

So there could be more scars to show off from childhood games.

There are still more rainbows to follow with eyes lost to the skies,

Umpteen butterflies to mumble to, as they twittered uncaringly,

Some more flowers to gaze wide upon with admiration

Some more curious fishes in the pond I am yet to touch.

Tantrums and sulks a few more for my hunger for attention

I know some more stuff to show off to the younger kids

Walls yet to be etched with crude pencil and chalks

Stones to be flung farther off into the muddy pond

There are still tiny lotus blooms in there

To be worn around the neck, with their long stalks

Stories from my granny to listen to

There sure must be more tales of the kings and their battles.

Treasure troves of good things still hidden from me

Too precious, all of them, to let go

Can I have my childhood back please?

For I still have mountains to climb

And some more creeks to swim in …

Back to childhood

Your children are not your children. They are the sons and daughters of Life's longing for itself. -- Kahlil Gibran

It was to see this longing, and to reaffirm my faith in the purpose and beauty of life, that I decided to volunteer for the ‘Rural Reach Program’ sponsored by the company. As part of the program, a team of employees from the company visit a rural school, sometimes with high drop out rates, and try to reach out to the children, mostly from poor families. The target audience is the children from 5th, 6th and 7th classes who do not get much exposure to computers. There we tell them about the basics of computers and let them explore and use our laptops in an effort to get them interested and generally acquainted with computers.

My life was just turning around the same spot, and boringly so too. Blame it on the recession, the general work trends in the IT industry, marriage brouhaha, or whatever else; nothing seemed to expedite the recovery. That’s when I remembered about my forgotten quest for a purpose in life, around the time I read this in Abhi’s blog. That touched a chord… a very lazy, lethargic chord in me twanged feebly, enough to make me decide on giving up a lazy Saturday to meet a bunch of naughty, high-energy and absolutely adorable kids!

We had a program scheduled for 2.5 hours wherein we would tell them a bit about computers, show them some basic apps like Word and Paint, discuss about civic sense with them, a tiny li’l G.K quiz and then let them play games on our lappies. The kids were broken up into groups of ten and a group of ten 6th grade boys were assigned to me and my mate. No sooner had we opened the laptop than they started chattering away excitedly among themselves -

“Athu kanda da ?Haaai athu pullinte padam alle ?” [Did u see that? Isn’t that grass in that picture? *Windows desktop wallpaper :-)]
“Ohh , ithu gnan nerathe kandittundu” [Oh, I have seen this before ]
“chechi-de peru enthiru ? ” [What’s your name, sis?]
“ithu namukku tharuvo?” [Will you give it to us? * The lappy!!! :-O]

Thus started off our exciting interaction with these tiny bundles of energy, brimming with questions and at times, shooting very frank comments! They took turns typing their names in MS Word, slowly finding each alphabetic key, getting tensed when they typed something wrong, and egging each other on …As part of the Kerala government’s promotion of Linux and open source software for it’s IT education in schools, what little exposure they had had, was in Linux .It surprised me pleasantly when they asked me to give them TuxPaint .We had to make do with MS Paint though, but they were just too eager to lap it all up.

They had spotted the bright blue coloured gift kits we had brought for them in cartons, and I told them the truth when questioned about it. Big mistake! They kept shaking their heads in disbelief, and just wouldn’t take my word that it was for everyone and that the same gift would be given to everyone. Apparently, they had been subjected to differential treatment way too often to believe that they were all going to be treated to the same gift for once. But it helped me get the racket under control with a simple ,”Do you guys even want the gift?” ,to which they would promptly quieten down and get back to their chairs ,finger on lips and arms crossed over their chests .Did I tell you ,they were simply adorable !

The children had very good awareness when it came to civic senses and I did away with the entire preachy bit. Come games time, and you could see ten kids glued to my lappie ,an entangled mass of heads and arms in front of a glaring screen accompanied by unbelievable din .Needless to say ,I loved the mess and was right in the middle explaining the moves and showing them how to play .We took turns playing Pacman ,that old game I played at school when I was the same age ,and I humbly state the fact that I was the highest scorer in our bunch! So I was allowed by the kids to assist them while playing .Yea … We were comrades in arms and I handled the down and left arrows for them!

In no time, it was time for us to wind up but not before getting their feedback .They had to mark their feedback on a scale of 4 to 1, 4 being the highest. As I explained each question to them, they scurried to mark their response as soon as I told them what 4 stood for. That was kind of you, guys! The naughtiest one though would say “1” as he bent over his covered paper and marked four for me and looked back with a mischievous grin. They told me they loved the program and kept on asking me to return some day and teach them some more.
“Eni ennu varum?Adutha Saturday varumo ? ” [When will you come next? Will you come back next Saturday?]
I smiled “Yes”
The naughtiest one shook his head sadly,”Eni varilla,veruthe parayunnathanu ”
[You won’t come back, you are lying]
How many promises made to you have been broken, my child, for you to have that kind of sad sarcasm in you …?
I was heart broken, but smiled “Yes” again.

That is the saddest part of meeting children. You grow so fond of each other in such a short while that it invariably breaks your heart when it’s time to leave. They take leave in the hope that we will meet again soon, and as they wave goodbye to me happily, I have to smile over a broken heart because only I, of the two, know that we may never meet again. Our paths may not cross again, but may the learning and the fun of the whole experience inspire them to not drop out of school but to stay on and learn more. Each one of the kids I met has it in him/her to do well; I pray that life gives them a fair shot …

I come back from the program, my fascination for life, greatly replenished!!!

Footnote -
Dear God,
They are such talented children; please keep an eye out for them.

The School-Maathasherrikkulam Malyalam medium UP School,Attingal.

Blogscan

Though my appearances here have become rather sporadic, my blogging isn’t really so. The reason being the company provided blog space populated by numerous enthusiastic colleagues from offices all across India and the world .My other blog with the same name in the company intranet keeps me in touch with blogging, as much as a lazy gal can be .So taking a trip to all the blogs here that I follow regularly ,I came across and liked the following

1.Ram’s photoblog ‘My Dear Memories’ which got me jealous of his SLR !!!

2.A sweet post in PS’s hugely popular blog ‘Just a mother of two’ ,whose answers I am going to give a li’l later here ..

and

3.A candid piece on a very real issue ,something I face day in and day out @ Kochuthresiamma's Pareltank. 'Are Mallu males perverts?'

My answer to which is “yes,yes,yes”[Not all of them ,but most …enough in numbers to ruin my mood every single time that I step onto the streets here ! ]

And now to get back to nicer things , lemme answer PS's questions

I am---lost.

My best friend thinks I am----sweet & sour.

My ambition----to be the best I can be .

I am inspired by---the success I see in the lives of people around me .

If I ruled the world I would----do something about the climate,water especially!

If I had one wish I would---want to meet my knight in shining armour !

Thats all for the time being..adios amigos..

In Love

Aarghh Finally ....

I finally got my very own Calvin n Hobbes gadget (not as in I own it ...)on my very own blog (yea..this one I very much own)!Finally!!!What an achievement ... I feel like I cleared SCJP ;YEssss...So what's all the hype about ?I have been trying hard ,not like in the eyes-glued-to-the-monitor style but like in the slumped-on-the-chair-and-typing-with-one-finger hardwork mode ,for over quarter of an hour to get this thingy added but with each gadget in Blogger's gadget link showing up broken ,or worse giving me the ray of hope by adding without content(showing me a bloody red X!).So finally after traversing scores of Calvin links , I got this one to work !All that hardwork definitely needs to show and thats why I have the gadget right on top ,just so nobody misses it .Does 'nobody' even read my blog ?Duh!

Calvin n Hobbes has caught my imagination and totally enslaved me these days ,just the way J.M.Coetzee did with 'Youth' years ago ,and nothing or nobody has been able to do before or afterwards...Yea ,I guess I am growing up backwards ,but that's alright if its gonna be thiss fun!!!My passions have always been the binge variety ,wherein I taste of it a little in the begining,if it appeals to me I take a second helping and then a third and then forget the rest of the world ,leave the fork and spoon behind and climb into the cauldron and lose myself till I am smug in the satisfaction that I have now chomped down enough to hibernate and gloat till my next love finds me .When my eyes go hazy talking about something , you know that it has been one of my loves.My love affairs till date go something like this (Only those which stole my heart and made me love-sick ,so this is just a teensy-weensy subset)

Since I learned to read till class 5 -Baalarama,Amar Chitra Katha.(Tons of others,but these two where my chart topping infatuations)

Class 5,6-Famous Five(I two timed with Secret Seven!)

Calss 7,8-Hardy Boys(Wonder why Nancy Drew got a step-motherly treatment)

Class 9-Agatha Christie(esp the Hercule Poirot ones.My favouritest AG till date is 'The Mysterious Case of Mr.Quinn'.I am torn between my love for several AG titles actually.)& Ofcourse Sherlock Holmes (This I binged till I read all of SH titles back to back)

Class 10-Erle Stanley Gardner(I still rememeber how I trembled in love for this one!)

Class 11,12-NO Nothing ... :( Every Indian kid knows why .. this was the time when for lack of any extra-curricular book to read,I binged on poetry that was in our ISC syllabii.My first baby footsteps into reading poetry,which I promptly forgot as soon as I got the sligtest chance to get back to anything prose.

College (4 loong years )-Year one saw me wine and dine with Ben Okri .Yea ,I was disillusioned and Okri is better than, and a convenient alternative to ,getting high on grass.The arrangement suited me anyways ...On second thoughts ,college was one long year and three fast ones.The fast three had me addicted to J.M.Coetzee!This is when I felt that I may have finally met the love of my life and felt a sense of reassuarance that I need seek no further.It was just JM and me ...*sigh*until I finished off almost all of his acclaimed works of fiction ...and I was forlorn again..Lest I miss out , I also had a fling with Harry Potter those days ,finally succumbing to pressure from all sides and one lazy holiday with not one other grown-up's book available but the HP3!I can't thank Renjitha,my class 12 mate,enough , for she was the one who kept pleading with me to read HP which the arrogant me had then brushed away with ,'I seriously don't enjoy children's literature anymore,please excuse...'.Guess the punishment for my impudence was the years I spent untouched by HP magic!

At Work(till a few days ago)- Paulo Coelho.This is when I moved from depending heavily on libraries for my romantic indulgences ,and started buying books.Though I had got a bitter first taste of Coetzee with 'Eleven Minutes',I lasted and got hooked to PC with my next sip in the form of 'The Alchemist'(Thanx to my cousin bro for persuading me to give PC another chance!)In PC ,I found someone who asked the same questions that I asked and what's more ,he went on to answer/explain some of those exasperating doubts in his own ways which appealed to me in a huge way.Thus began my scour for anything PC which lasted until a while ago till I had then obtained almost all the popular and talked about titles except for one which has eluded me till now ,'By the River Piedra I Sat Down and Wept'

Now that the pendulum of my love for PC is coming to a faltering halt, I have met Calvin n Hobbes ,both of whom incidentally hate girls !As a sign of how love-struck I am with these two ,Calvin especially (blush..) I let the Calvin gadget adorn my blog's forehead and allow it to sit there staring out at anyone who passes by.I am also attracted to the likes of Dilbert and Garfield,but I guess for now ,Calvin comics is where my heart truly belongs...

For all my pomposity of being single ,this post reveals to the world the secret behind my life long singlehood - I was always in love !Ssshhhh.... "I am single!" .Oh Yeaaaa ;-)

PS to my loves:Forgive if I have missed any one of you.My cobweb of a memory is far insignificant when compared to the true love I have had for you..Rest assured that you are safe in my heart !Cheesy ??? Well,this is just between me and my love ,so please excuse....

CHILL MAADI
#^*(~_)_(%$^#%$#@

Too tired (read bored) with work and craving for some respite, I decided to take a look at the familiar, comforting page of my blog and found a tag there. So there was the outlet for all my pent up emptiness lying neatly in a list of soul searching questions. Still in the hangover, I wrote straight out of the top of my head…Thanks a ton Abhi for this tag – the effortless pressure vent!
Most questions are difficult to answer if its about you .Sometimes you can’t accept the honest answer, some other times you would rather deceive than be truthful …and sometimes...You just don’t know...Plainly, painfully...dont know...lemme see how much I know me...
I am: a dreamer
I think: a lot! Winding, never ending and not-so-pleasant thoughts.
I know: that there has to be some purpose which I am to fulfill with my life .I don’t know what yet!
I want: to know what it is that I should fulfill
I have: tons of energy and enthu; but no direction.
I wish: I never will need to wish,’If I could live my life again....’ Wanna do it right the first time!
I hate: Mediocrity...Though that seems to be the most celebrated thing now.
I miss: Childhood...When you didn’t need a reason to be happy.
I fear: failure?? NO!! I fear not having the guts to attempt what I really want.
I hear: (easy) Pink Floyd mostly these days...
I smell: not! I bath! :-P
I crave: for peace of mind.
I search: for some meaning in life
I wonder: eternally ...’what is my purpose …?’
I regret: deeply, for being too unforgiving to a childhood best mate...
I love: everything and everyone .I am soo mesmerized with this world
I ache: for freedom of expression/way of life/being me
I was not: i dont know this one
I am not: arrogant...Just too easy on myself.
I cry: when I am helpless...And I have noticed that people act kinder to you afterwards .so crying aint that bad...
I believe: in principles .They act as the anchor when life tends to stray.
I dance: from my soul...Dance is an expression of freedom
I sing: -do-
I read: so I may live .Books work like oxygen for me.
I don’t always: shut up and end the argument because I ran out of points .I just realize that we are on parallel plains and will never understand .I don’t believe in winning arguments by force .
I fight: for the causes I believe in .Unfairness is the most common foe.
I write: my heart out in my diary, so that I will always know the thoughts that I thought and the things that I did.
I win: hearts with my smile, and pals with my genuineness.
I lose: heart at obstacles, which I know is very bad...
I never: lie! Unless my life depended on it!
I always: try to look at the brighter side.
I confuse: with numbers a lot .wth.
I listen: attentively and help others unburden.
I can usually be found: with headphones plugged in.
I am scared: of not being the best that I can be in this life.
I need: to be loved and pampered, for optimum performance!!
I am happy: about the world around me; not sure about the world within...
I imagine: a life full of music and sunshine, with purpose and cheer.

Now I invite anyone who needs a respite from life to take up this tag...No formalities here okay .Help yourself and do the tag , or feel at home and leave a comment or two ;whatever you feel like ..Dont let life outsmart you .

Chill maadi !!

7th Heaven

This post is specially dedicated to the impatient gentleman(cm-chap..).Nothing less than an impatient snort could have forced me to come up with this!

My training center -The golden cage

(just in case you are wondering,the girl in the picture is not me!)

The globe multiplex--'mera globe mahaan..'

weekend respite!

Poool.. ..is just soo exquisite..

I am planning to courier this back home

ps:I hope to come back and make some less cryptic posts..if and when time permits..

Some pain in the A($$)RM

There’s something good about pain.. like Amitabh Bachan says in one of those ads, ‘Dard main bhi kuch baath hain’, and no, I am not driving at the point that pain is what is felt more profoundly than joy, so don’t go barking up the wrong tree. I am in pain. Oh yes !!I am !!Even as I am typing this, little needles of pain are penetrating through my flesh.. So I halt ..then continue…the pain comes back again, so I decide to type with the right hand alone.. what’s the matter with me ??I had this swelling in the left hand that had to be operated out. It will just take very few days to heal, and to think of the melodrama I threw!!

But ever since we decided to get it done ,life’s been good for me. The day before was spent by my supportive folks giving me pep talks which went something like this.

Mom : Its just a tiny li’l thing ,so there’s not gonna be much pain.. don’t worry..

To that ,I do the ‘I’m a brave gurl’ nod of my head.

Dad : Awwww ,my baby girl….

I want to console him ,but can’t and end up chewing my nails..

Grandma : Tell them, and tell them sternly that you can’t stand any pain. Ask them to give you local anaesthetic lest they forget or something…lacchuuu, its really painful without anaesthetics..

I stagger a bit ,run upstairs , pack my bags and almost abscond.

Brother : Wateva!!

My response : #$#$%

But things go remarkably smooth at the hospital. The surgeon talks on incessantly ..But I know that trick, it’s the oldest trick in the book .If you ever went to a hospital and surrendered yourself willingly to a needle prick ,all the while managing a ‘please don’t kill me, I’m not done living yet’ look, you would know too. Its their own patented style of diverting the coward patient’s attention.

The doc shows me the tiniest needle on earth, just the length of an average nail.
‘These tiny things are specially designed for people as brave as you are.’
Oh yea ,that courage runs in the family.. Once when my father was one of the bystanders while one of his sisters were getting an operation done, he was so courageous that he had to be given a B.P check and was made to lie down, and gave everyone else quite a scare.

On another occasion under a similar situation ,my cousin brother proved his courage. That time, he was asked to give some of his blood for his father’s operation. The brave son promptly obliges, follows the nurse ,and five minutes later we get news that he fainted sighting his own blood, and had to be carried away from the battle-front, I mean the ICU-front!

Courage runs in this family!

I sit there gripping my eyes shut with the right hand and every muscle in my body pulled tense, the left hand stretched out for any hell that was to follow.
So the doc asks me while slitting my skin, ’Are there really benches in companies, where people are seated when they don’t have projects to work on?’
(why don’t you go n look, anyway it’s a bad joke..)

‘No ,I don’t think so’..

And then the doc says ‘tadaaaa, thank you!!’

‘wha??’

‘its done.its over’he says clapping his hands..gawd,that was quick!!

An hour later, I am back home gorging on strawberry ice cream(izz good to forget da pain..mmm..) with dad listening to the gruesome details. He hadn’t come to the hospital saying, ’You and your mom are enough for this, its not anything big so I needn’t come.’

Oh yeaa, I know you are soo brave ,daddy..So we brave gurls, amma and me, went alone.
‘Achaa, the doc was so good that I didn’t know a thing’, I manage to say between mouthfuls as he nods his head looking on lovingly, and helping with the ice cream. Earlier , just as I had walked into the house holding my left arm with my right hand, he had burst upon me ,‘Oh my darling jelly fish daughter, look what they have done to you’.
‘Jelly wha??’ I ask mom, who just walks by smiling..

Since the whole thing had taken just around 2 hours of the morning, amma who lives by the so very boring ‘work is worship’ principle ,rings up office and is told to get to office after feeding me lunch ,by her boss(from hell).Five minutes later, the same boss woman calls back and tells mom that its okay if she can’t come to office ,just in case the 21 year old baby needs intensive maternal care. But I do the brave girl act again (twice the same morn, not any more..),and lets mom go, who returns home just as I wake up after my afternoon nap, and along comes Valyamma (mom’s elder sis..one n only..)with loads more food. I sink into the couch and start on the story –telling again, the doc this, and the needle that ,and the nurse this ,and the syringe that. All refreshments are brought to me at my outpost in front of the telly, where I watch tv some ,narrate my story some ,and eat some, and then eat some more.. Later on, at the noisy and overcrowded sitting room of my cousin’s home next door where the entire joint family(we all live close by)get together for our daily dose of cable tv ,somebody vacates their precious seat for me .Usually we occupy seats on a seniority basis, or at times when push comes to shove ,through fistfights. .In return for the hassle free acquisition of the seat, I entertain them with ‘The story of my hospital visit’ during the commercial breaks.. gory details thrown in for the really small kids.

At home , I have been awarded many a luxuries(for this tiny bandage on my arm) like:-

I am exempted from getting the phone or the door bell.

I am allowed round-the-clock tv viewing.

I don’t have to go to kitchen ,the food finds me..courtesy mommy..

I am not allowed to move even a muscle

Hmmmm… I am loving it!! For me, who stopped being the centre of all attention in this house at the tender age of three ,with the coming of my brother, all the pampering looks fit for a queen. And to throw some statistics, my parents have stroked my forehead more in the last two days than the combined count for all theses years.. that’s something..

But there are downsides too:-

I don’t know when I will be able to ride my two-wheeler again.

Because of that, I can’t go to the library .shit

I can’t go out anywhere on my own, in fact. double shit

And if I can’t go out, I can’t recharge my mobile whose validity expires tomorrow. The dilemma because the other occupants of this house are lobbyists for BSNL headed by mom who is employed with BSNL. So I can’t get help recharging my Airtel SIM. Humph!!But my airtel account will last for another week, hopefully, so no sweat.

So that’s the story of my happy outing with pain!

Pain ain’t all that painful after all huh??.*smiles the serene smile*

Crime And Punishment—Dogged by TAGS

Crime:-I tags Ankit .

Punishment:- It boomerangs!I am tagged back/in return/again/ (take your pick)!

An endless list that reads like the do's and dont's of life..

Friendly Philosopher’s Advice:Don’t read it!!Take the tag,do it yourself,and then come back,if you still feel so..

Here's the rules of this game- Without changing the first word, write a sentence that captures you/your essence... (i.e.whatever comes to your mind..)..Ok,look up those words and get going..

Accept -appreciation (and advice…lol) with grace.So many are total suckers at that.

Break- the rules,only sounds good!!

Create- your own private heaven ,for the times when you need to escape.

Decide –I wish that act was as simple as it sounds.

Explore -your own mind-space and be surprised!

Forgive -only at times when forgetting is better than losing forever.

Grow- and let grow.

Hope –keeps me alive.

Ignore -those crushes that turned sour..

Journey- to the heartlands,where the real people are..

Know -that you are special!

Love - without preconditions and pretensions.

Manage- is only an act ,the thought is in the vision!

Notice- the beauty in others..(people are snobbish enough to pretend not to notice..)

Open- the heart ,let the dreams be your wings..

Play- not with feelings..the scars take long healing..

Question- before you believe.

Relax-try saying that when I am really worked up,and the heaviest object in the near vicinity will make forceful contact with your head..lols..now,i have warned you!

Share -a laugh once in a while,its good for the nerves.

Try -new stuff ..at least to break the monotony..

Use -your creativity..it revitalizes..

Values ….are ..valuable..??lols..i pass …..

Work- for those things that matter to you..and you will be in auto-hard-work mode

X-rays-I wish that would reveal people’s real thoughts..

Yield –only to love and god

Zoom-ahead of the crowd!!

Psssss..You read the whole thing,didn’t you??*shakes head in disbelief* (children grow up and even become sane adults,but never learn to take sound advice..)

And now to pass on this tag..I take no names this time for fear of misspells and serious over-reactions!But everyone’s invited…each and every one of you..

PS:MY employer has given me THE call!!I am thrilled to bits!!

Being Tagged

My impressions on Tagging:

1. Wow!that will be a ready-made topic to blabber about. The job’s half done!!

2. Its a good idea. But who on earth would really want to know all that?

3. Isn't this thing getting repetitive..

4. Whoa .Why doesn’t anybody tag me.??

So here I am !Tagged by my good friend Krish. or do you want me to call you Aparna..

1. Pick out a scar you have, and explain how you got it.

I will tell the story of the latest one.Not a scar exactly,it’s a bite-wound on my ankle,resembling the one that Dracula leaves behind on his victims..wanna guess??...no,not a snake!!Don't give me the creeps just cos I said ‘guess’..but it was Dracula’s blood-sucking cousin and hopefully the last of that species left on earth-leech!(Location:Edakkal in Wayanad ,during the college trip last year).One tiny insect(!),the sight of which stuck to your skin can give you a cardiac arrest out of the shock.Well, it did to me..but I have already thought of a useful use for it!When my children misbehave(that is once I have children..),I will just show them the bite-wound and tell them I got it from Dracula when I was a child myself and had misbehaved!!haha..i am ingenious..

2. What does your phone look like?

Boohoo..there goes my whatchyacallit—‘I am Alexander graham bell’s grand-daughter ‘ego.my phone was the first of the polyphonic colour phone genre from Nokia..don't ask the people at Nokia , they will simply disown me..*sob,sob* it’s a Nokia-3100 .

3. What is on the walls of your bedroom?

Lots and lots of pictures of Lord Ganesha…I am a firm devotee and a bigger fan. Over the years ,we have worked out a fluid and working agreement (‘terms of service’—I behave myself and I get stuff in return)between us…so things are just rocking between the two of us..

4. What is your current desktop picture?

It’s a picture of the frontal elevation of my own recently done-up home taken from my cousin’s new Nokia n73 music edition mobile phone….see..he is the real grand son of graham bell..*sob.sob* (disclaimer:this is no ad for Nokia)

5. Do you believe in gay marriage?

Yes!Hell is for everyone!How can you rebuke their claim?…and then,why play the painful spoil-sport??(I meant the hell only..wipe off that devilish grin..)

6. What do you want more than anything right now?

Tough one

Objectively-my evening’s cup of tea

Philosophically-I want to be able to tell the answer to that question.

Truthfully speaking my mind-I want to be called up by my employer and be up and running, getting my hands dirty on all things IT! These days I feel a film of rust settling on my brains and limbs due to sheer inactivity..sigh…

7 . What time were you born?

I have no idea. I didn’t have my watch with me then..sorry!

8. Are your parents still together?

They are !!and I think they merit Param Veer Chakra awards for that feat!!

9. Last person who made you cry?

Can I pass this one?? I just can’t remember..it must have been while watching some movie..

10. What is your favourite perfume / cologne?

Denim..is soo hot!!

11. What kind of hair/eye color do you like in the opposite sex?

Hair-straight, slightly wavy, cropped short, black hair. Neatly combed.

Eye- jet black.

12. What are you listening to?

‘Ahista.. Ahista..’ from the movie of the same name..

Soulful music and soulful rendering !!and a beautiful story to go with it..

‘teri batein ..teri yaadein…kar gayi woh asar

har jaguh bas tu hi tu hai,..dekhoon mein jidhar..’

13. Do you get scared of the dark?

Not if I am inside my home .or with my folks.But out in the dark,on my own,I get a creepy feeling..like some one is watching me from behind..

14. Do you like painkillers?

Only if they are in the form of jokes..

15. Are you too shy to ask someone out?

No never!I keep asking my younger brother out and he keeps turning me down..

Otherwise ,I have never had to.

16. If you could eat anything right now, what would it be?

Hot n spicy chilly chicken from ‘Open House’.If you ever lived in tvm,you will know..if you haven’t ,it’s a real pity..

17. Who was the last person who made you mad?

My main-project team member!! She thought she could dump her share of work on me just because I worked like a dog on the project..!On the day of the final presentation ,I simply blew my fuse.!(well,if any software engg is reading this,is their a way to deal with people like that..i mean other than blowing one’s fuses??)

18. Who was the last person who made you smile?

1.My buddy from college in Mumbai ,Viji,who’s been there only weeks and is already sick missing home and friends here.Yesterday night ,when I checked my mobile just after a half hour break,there were 15 smses from her(@1 in the night)..surprised,and a bit worried for her ,I replied ..and then we chatted (d sms way..)till I dropped asleep…my friend, who never stayed awake beyond 9,stayed up till 2, sms-ing..paavam..(poor thing) !

2.My best friend,due to the long mails..

I don’t know if anybody’s even gonna bother with reading this.But it’s the first time in my life that I am being tagged,and thanks for that!This will go into my personal list of first-times..

I am passing the baton to aishu,mukesh,ankit and nocturnal poiesis.Enjoy guys!!

I Wish..

I only wanted to leave my mark

Upon the pages of history.

I only wanted to find that path

Upon which thousands would follow me.

I only wanted to make my friends.

Party through the night and into the day.

I only played the naughty pranks

To make friends laugh, but do no harm.

Last year ,the night before the valentines' day

I only wanted to waltz with you.

And every time that you looked at me

I only wanted to tell you that.

Sometimes I wanted to swim in the creek.

Soar and sing in the sky like a lark.

And when the wind blew on my face

I only wanted to let my hair loose and smile.

I only wanted to believe in angels

And that there was one in everyone.

Just that some people let it show

And some covered it up for no reason at all.

Sometimes I wished for the prince on the horse

Who would kiss me awake and fight for me.

Then I realized they were no more

And learned to fight my battles on my own.

Sometimes I wanted to stand in the rain

Let the water wash away all the pain.

How I wish I could laugh out aloud

And have nobody stare at me!

At times I hoped to speak my mind

Before it was too late and all was lost.

I wish I had the courage then

And not have to mourn later on.

I only wanted to reach the sky.

Touch the stars and walk on the moon.

I only want to be as free as a bird!

I only want to break my chains!

But my biggest wish of all

Is to have ten thousand more wishes!

Cos the hope and cheer in a wish

Is in itself worth a wish!

VOILA!Life Is A Song!!(Part One)

The very first lab session of my engineering studies ,anything of any practical purpose anyway, was the Data Structures lab.(DS..Data in Structured arrangement..or so I think..)and it blew my fuse ..big time!!..

In the 4 years of engg studies,the 1^st year is spent learning things you want to forget the moment you are done with the exams.So it’s the 2^nd year ,or the 3^rd semester that life begins for the engineer..and my life was to turn the IT way..and all that I knew about IT was the mallu word for it,thanx to seniors who made sure we knew..and how….’vivara saankethika vidhya’..whew!

The theory sessions came first.The (guest)lecturer for D.S was a very tiny lady,much resembling a rabbit in face and demeanour.She sang to us endlessly about ..I don’t know..I never heard a word anyway..most of our ‘teachers’ at the time were scarcely that.They were fresh B.Tech pass-outs who wanted to kill time ..We learned about lovely names like D.S,D.B.M.S,and O.O.P.S..that last one was my favourite..OOPS stood for object oriented programming,and the S just tagged along like an initial. Coming back to data structures ,now it is a wonderful subject. One of the most important bricks that were to constitute the foundation of our IT knowledge .Once the initial confusion got over and I accepted that the teaching medium was indeed English and not French (Greek or Latin)as it had appeared initially ,I realized ,one fine day, that the rabbit and my more intelligent classmates were wading through a specific type of quicksand called, algorithms .of course, I knew algorithms ..they were a method of writing down the problem at hand, breaking it up into sub-tasks until it cannot be divided up any more. at that point,all your teeny –weeny tasks can be done in one go… sort of ,you had now beaten the living daylights out of the problem ,and its no more a problem for you.I knew that’s what algos were about.. and I liked it too ,I mean, it’s a cool idea ,init ?They taught this in standard 8^th ,I think ,along with some other basics like ,BASIC itself. .my cobweb of a memory tells me ,those days basic used to mean, beginners all purpose symbolic instruction code.. or was it symbiotic now….?

So on that day of my first DS enlightenment, came my way the first problem ,with a capital p so it was a Problem. As is common knowledge ,you start learning English words with ‘A for apple’.. if its a new programming language, you start it with the ‘hello world ’ program.. much the same way ,a course in algos always start with the ’add two numbers’ problem.It struck me immediately ,algorithms start with the ‘start’ and end with the ‘stop’..but whatever went in between remained unknown.. .people around me had started writing ,and I resigned to thinking, and thought and thought ..and then, I came up with a stunner !My first algo in college..

START

ADD TWO NUMBERS

STOP

Lol!! And to think it looked perfectly sane at the time.. !!There I sat with my prize winner ..

But that was the beginning of the end of ignorance, total and complete. .the ignorance ,not the dispelling…By the time I started feeling comfortable around anything algo,we were into stacks and queues.Now stacks everyone knows…a neat stack of books arranged one on top of the other.. ha, everyone knew stacks. .so I gave my ear drums a rest!After a few weeks of theory, when we were just ripe enough to start our labs, they introduced us to the ‘internet’ lab.. where we were to do our DS labs.. Now, row upon row of silent and completely blank faces(computer monitors)is enough to scare someone on a first visit ,but being given a comp terminal all to yourself! Did they want us to handle this machine all alone? Nothing like it would just jump out of its pedestal and run away, but one never knew ..and all the comps were loaded with Linux.. not even the omnipresent Windows ,ya that really helped ..now I was a complete martian landed on pluto..life’s a song,enjoy!

The first lab question to be tackled read like this:-

‘Implement stack using arrays’

A stack of arrays ??Now if they had given a pile of books or something, I could have given that a try.. I could have done up a neat stack ..of books…but arrays.. really? Can u reread that question for me?? And my neighbour read it out to me.. no luck ,the ‘arrays’ stubbornly remained arrays. .hell!

Now, I had carried my note book to the lab, something is better than nothing, especially when you went to a lab ,..for the first time..it struck me then, the algo for this problem was done in the theory class…voila!there was an algo for this! Now, you just had to put it into formal/business like tones.. ya,just do it using the programming language..and life suddenly became a song…

All self respecting stacks in the DS world are expected to do two things,in the least..push and pop..no ,not plop..like onto the floor..its pop..The push thing went fine,you know everybody knows push..but the pop thing got me.It was something new ,and all things new were scaring me that day..pop..pop..see,pop is where the topmost thing on your stack is removed from the stack..On real stacks ,tht would have been easy…but on a DS stack…I mean,there wasn’t even a real stack..the stack was only in your imagination..and people wanted to put things in it..and whats more,they wanted to take out things they had(never)put in..talk about going nuts…

Ya so,when you do a pop,the topmost thingie has to go away..but where is ‘away’ inside the comp..the recycle bin..?or does it just jump outside of the comp itself??Noway I could have made it do that.. I mean,I just was not smart enough for that..Maybe,I could print it out..I eyed the old dot matrix printer ,probably the very first one to be acquired by the department..Cuckoos had started singing in my brain,and I forgot all shame and stammered my question to rabbit..’ma’am,when you do a pop,where does the topmost element go?’She looked confused..I explained,’like.. ma’am ,when you do a pop,where does the topmost element go?’She brightened up at that.’just delete it’.wow!of course!why didn’t I think of it before…delete…I know delete,there is even a key on the keyboard for it DEL..wow,that’s soo easy..’thank you ma’am,for dispelling this cloud of confusion that was eating me up’..that would have scared her away..so I kept my thanks to myself..and beamed at her,she beamed back,all was well..nothing to worry..cool..life was a song..

But there was something wrong with DEL,every time I hit it,the letters of my code on the screen disappeared!..Those precious words of my own precious code just evaporated from the screen..AND they were not coming back either..I frantically searched the keyboard for a clue..no,I was a gonner,those lines of code were gone..lost..for eternity..and what was this bloody DEL anyway?..Can’t even delete a silly thing off a stack..to hell with DEL..you will rot in hell..!!

Close to pulling off my hairs now,I decided to ask again..’ma’am,I don’t know how to delete the topmost…’blah blah..’just write the function and call it’…function..ah yes..I knew functions..but writing a function with just the name delete,and nothing else inside it ,and then calling it when I needed to delete,..will that work?How will delete() know what I wanted done..?mind reading??’ma’am…(me totally flustered now)but what to write inside that function??I mean where does the element go when it is deleted..?what happens then??’Now ..she gave me an even bigger smile..I guess finally she was sure I was an ignorant fool and not trying to show off with annoying questions..’just replace the element with zero and update your flag..’; enlightenment!! light!!!....at the end of the tunnel!!thank you …for that piece of wisdom..now I will rest in peace in my grave…thank you..life was a song..again..

Disclimer:

'rabbit' is a term of endearment in the writer's dictionary.