Turning 30

There’s something amazing about my birthdays .They more or less coincide with the calendar, so when it’s new year in the calendar, it’s also new year in my life. Yeah, I’m a January born! So unlike kids who went, “When’s my birthday this year mommy?” at every other kid’s birthday, mine was always right at the beginning. There’s no better way for a year to start than with a birthday of your own!


Now it is a different matter altogether that I have never really ‘felt my age’. The last age I remember clearly feeling was 25. I used to await my 25^th birthday excitedly as the true rite of passage into adulthood and the grown-up-world. Even though you are officially an adult since the age of 18, I don’t think that quite holds in our family circles. Twenty five on the other hand is respectable enough for your opinions to merit more attention. The years since did not seem to make any difference to the status achieved on the 25^th milestone and have passed by as uneventfully as the passing seasons. In that sense, 30 seemed to be the next milestone year. Or was it?

The weeks leading up to the milestone day were a curious mix of trepidation and incredulity.An alien space ship had suddenly appeared and hovered menacingly over my mind’s sky .It bore the sign “30” in big neon lights on its forehead and intoned to me , “Awaiting clearance for landing “ . “Roger that. Need time for preparing the mind for touchdown “, I tried biding time wearily. But then, when has time slowed down to accommodate my willingness for age change! Meanwhile the day called for celebrations and that I was game for any time!

A grand privilege enjoyed by people in this part of the world is that we have not one but two birthdays! One on the date of birth as the rest of the world, and one based on our birth star per astrology. In fact the second one is of more import for us and this year it was just 2 days before my actual D.O.B. Right on this day arrived my first birthday gift of all, from my dear younger brother. So what if he was also the main competition for my parents ‘attention throughout childhood and we fought innumerable battles in good old sibling rivalry , we also grew up to be the most loving brother-sister duos of all time . Suffice it to say, it was the most heart warming feeling to get this special birthday gift from him and it not only made the day for me, but it will invariably light me up with a smile at its mere memory though out the year. Along with a lovely dress and a tiny li’l book of birthday quotes, came the cutest birthday card that had pages adorned with pictures of us from our early childhood that climaxed with a picture from my pre wedding evening and a big “I love you Sis”. It now stands proudly on my drawing room cupboard filling my home with cheer unbound! I love you back to bits, brother; you are such a precious part of my life, my dearest!!

My husband meanwhile, coached by myself on gifting options by way of a casual gift shop visit the prior week where I Ooh-ed and Aah-ed at their curio collections and remarked loudly about my love for cute greeting cards , was not to be left behind ! This step had to be taken as I have quite the serious ,matter-of-fact person image with my husband and so had to be reminded that I am also just as faint-hearted when it comes to all things pretty . Things started rolling the morning of my birth-star-day with my newspaper-hungry husband asking me to, “Get the newspaper dear”, while he held back pseudo-casually. A lovely birthday card came for me with the papers that day. I wonder to this day, who in the newspaper office dares call me “darling wife”! Humph!

Mid night birthday wishes are something I am infamous for shunning. I love my beauty sleep so much that history states an instance where I even kept my mobile in silence during a birthday eve and slept through it! Of course when love comes into life, it also turns some of our pig headedness on its head. What’s a birthday when you don’t sit up with your soul mate, count the hours till the stroke of mid night and then indulge in a hearty birthday kiss? When midnight turned into my 30^th year of existence, I was happily beaming into my husband’s face and rejoicing at the joy of having found each other in this big bad world – two people whose hearts beat together since that first meeting .If my narration is mushy by now, you should forgive and look the other way for a minute while I try to lose my stupid grin and then I shall tell you the remainder of the story in a bit.

Out came a procession of small gifts – each one something I had mentioned most probably in passing, fancies and little wishes of mine .They had all transformed into little beautiful gifts for me. A charming album to be filled with photos from our travels, a small mp3 player to fill music in my days , the movie CD of an obscure Malayalam movie I have been wanting to watch and had looked for everywhere but in vain . The list is topped by a serene watch we shopped for together.   On Republic Day , my date of birth, when I get a holiday every time to celebrate my birthday , we also celebrate my parents wedding anniversary .It’s always a day of double joy in my household as we reminisce two wonderful beginnings on this day – that of my parents marital life and my own birth in the subsequent year. Being away from home this year, my brother and I had sent our presents online to our parents – a bouquet of the loveliest pink roses to mark the beauty of the day and an anniversary cake to savour the deliciousness of our togetherness. Distances can well nigh diminish the joy of our hearts as we all celebrate together!

Back in Bangalore, the two of us made our way to one of our favourite entertainment options – a movie to mark the turn of the decade for me. An inspiring tale of a woman’s struggle out of mundane life and into reaching her true potential set the tone for the evening. The movie was followed up with a dinner at a quaint little café in one of the hangout areas of the city. An open terrace affair, the café had decadent furniture and tastefully done low key décor. Kitchen island and bar counter made up the centre of the whole area, while the tables were set along the periphery looking out into the palm fronted night sky. The food was so delicious that it satiated not just our famished tummies but also our foodie souls with its taste, texture and pretty looks. The candle light glow and soft music began seeping into us once we were so taken care of. The gentle breeze and romantic ambience combined to transport us back to our honeymoon days in Maldives and we reminisced those lovely days of our life. After the dinner, we went for a quiet night stroll gazing at the decked up shops and night crowd. A beautiful night was coming to a slow end.

Thus unwound the 30th memorial day of my birth on Jan 26^th of 1986. And this is the story of the day I turned 30 .Not that I wanted to. But the world has seen much worse. So I make my peace with it.”Remember being 25?” I ask myself .Hold on to it and never mind the numbers change!

Friends

Friends are actually marvellous things, ain't it ?

One to discuss the world and its afairs with
One for the times when I need pep-talk and encouragement
One to wallow about the slime pool that my life resembles now
One to go gaga over movies and old hindi music over
One to share the girl woes with
One for the fun times and merry making
One to share the ,'I only talk like this, but I'm not such a witch' attitude with .
One to fret over weight loss with
One to just send and receive kisses and hugs over facebook ..

So many ... I just don't tell this to them but I like all of them so much !They have a way of making life so so much easier to handle ... Like right now , I am looking for the pep-talk one cos I'm all jittery for reasons that cannot be disclosed here and no, whatever you assume is not that reason ! But she's off on a week long vacation :-( Oh well , her absence did make me mull over how amazing these people are .. and hoping this post would relieve the tension somewhat ..

Things To Do Before I Die - Notes to myself

1.Be Independent

Because there’s only one life and you at least have to be able to be the real you, if you have to do anything at all with your life! Being yourself may seem to be the most natural thing that there is, but it ain’t that easy. There’s always the social norms and hypocrisy to be satisfied, leaving you with little room your originality. There’s just too many pressures trying to “mould” you into the most acceptable format, making me wonder,” Do they really want everyone to be just the same? All the girls this way, and the guys, whichever!?”

Independence entails having the freedom to self expression and realization ,choice of life style ,career ,job and much more .Above all this ,my independence also includes self-dependence .This is where I reproach myself for keeping in pending the plans to take up driving lessons.

2.Chase your dream

Self explanatory! Regretful as it is, so much of our life goes in a job which we may not care about, but for the pay check. Blame it on the special makeup of the society where educational streams are pursued keeping in mind their employability factor alone, we all...all of us… end up being engineers. I see several people bemoan their life for they wanted to do something else with their lives and find themselves helpless. You may or may not have the guts to switch careers mid stream, but don’t let that keep you away from the things you desire the most. They could be your hobby too. Today’s hobby may well become tomorrow’s vocation!

3. Work for a cause you believe in

As much as we blame the society for its ills, we are also a part of the very same society and in our own small ways, responsible for the way the society is today. I often think of something that happened a while ago, when I was working in Bangalore. The city is infamous for its crowded roads and pollution, and having come from a relatively cleaner place, I could not help but complain about the Bangalore traffic to a fellow team mate. Despite being highly educated and forward thinking, my friend said that there was no point in me complaining as nothing constructive would come out if it . Her argument was,” When we can do nothing to change the situation for the better, why simply complain?” I have wondered ever since, “Is there really nothing we can do?” One person is too small in a system and ordinary people are no real life heroes to go around campaigning for change, that too when they have their own lives to keep them more than occupied.

I have discovered, much to my own relief, from personal experience that it is possible for us to make a change. When people come together with a common motive and work towards it, things will happen. It doesn’t always have to be a fight against anything, for fights usually scare most people and they would rather not invite any attention upon themselves in such cases. Let it be so. You could work towards a humanitarian cause like child welfare or the environment. There are N number of institutions and initiatives which you can join to do your bit for the society .After all; all that the society asks of you is to return the favour it did to you.

4. Build my own private library.

The bibliophile in me is talking now. Books have been objects of my affection since early childhood and they have served as my companions through all phases of life. The joy of simply beholding one of your favourite titles is priceless. I have always depended on libraries to feed my appetite for books and have paid innumerous visits to the libraries in my hometown. Books have always been borrowed commodities and one of my reasons to want to start earning for myself, was my desire to own books.

I believe everyone should have a private heaven, a shell to withdraw into and hibernate and spend spells of solitude in .My private heaven can only be a library. There’s also one more secret reason for building this library .I want my kids(When I have kids) to be lovers of books too.

5. Travel

Travel does not have to be an expensive indulgence .There’s the whole of the nation to be explored, with its villages, mountains and lakes. In that way, India is blessed with its variety in topography and different ethnic groups which forms its inhabitants .A traveler’s paradise for as much as the natural beauty as its rich culture and heritage, I should travel to as much of the heartlands as possible.

I could add some of my more fanciful wishes like visiting Machu Picchu at least once in my lifetime and authoring a book .Since these are not entirely in my hands to decide, I would rather not add them to this list. Machu Pichu will always be my most romantic dream and will be so even if it remains unfulfilled. And the book…it is always being written in my head, word by word every minute of my life …

THE DESERT

It’s not just the sun that’s burning my skin

The solar flares blind my eyes causing tears to stream,

It’s not just the undulating dunes of sand

Waves of dust blow at my face making me choke,

At times it’s not even the cloudless sky

It’s all the hopelessness that’s parched my soul.

In my aimless wander , the eyes search

For a fellow traveler to curse the heat with,

As an egotist of a mind looks on

Feigning nonchalance all the same,

And finding not even a shadow of a soul

Says my mind, “You’re better off alone!”

And then the night falls and cold embraces

The solitary traveler, beneath the palm,

Sits down and waits for daybreak

With watchful eyes and wistful dreams,

Listening to the rising howls of the coyotes

Under the night sky, to the pack or a mate.

Another day, a new dawn of the desert

May bring cooler breeze and gentler sun

The unknown path may even lead to an oasis

Where pebbles adorn crystal blue waters

The mind nudges me in its reverie

And says,” The journey may be well worth it! ”

The mind shows the direction and I set off

Following the song of the wind and the flight of the eagle

Over treacherous knolls and past the cacti

To escape where the doomsayers cannot reach

And let the wounded soul heave in peace

Across the desert, I flee to my freedom.

PS: I crossed 50 with my last post.A miracle given my inconsistency!

On The VTV Note

I am credited with being the last person on earth to have watched Gautham Menon's latest musical romance flick , VTV - the name now so common that the abbreviation would suffice and even save some virtual breath.Its beautiful to watch, what with Trisha looking more angelic than ever,making every girl cringe wanting to look like that.The movie is equally delicious to listen to,holding us in thrall with the ARR magic.But what I set out to do was not write a review on the movie.Enough people have done that already for me to have anything more to add on to it.Having paid my deepest reverences to the maestro musician and the heavenly beauty,I set forth to say why I did not like the story.

The heady love story and the intense pursuit of it makes an interesting beginning.The idyllic view of Alappuzha adds flavour to the visual treat so much so that I now have a bee in my bonnet about visiting Alappuzha someday .Whoever bestowed the title of 'God's Own Country ' on Kerala ,must have had this blessed place in mind .I cannot mask my delight at the glimpses of Kerala and bits of Malayalam the film offered,stoking the flame of sweet love each one of us cherish for our own hometown and mother tongue .

The movie itself though left me with a bad taste in my mouth.Why does love always have to lose to be realistic? Why are parents always the villains of love?In the Indian context ,where children having love affairs are considered a disgrace to the family,isn't going halfway and then backing off,a disgrace to love itself?This is where I disagree with Jessie.She manages to disgrace her family by saying no to a marriage at the altar in front of the whole community ,and then goes on to do the same cold act again when she finally decides to give up on her love.Clearly,Jessie's reasoning prowess is not quite at a level with her beauty .Had the movie taken on the happy ending like the movie within the movie,Jessie would have saved women in general from the age old accusation of being 'cheaters in love'. I hear with amusement how romantics decry women of being traitors in love,every chance they get .

Having rejected the notion of love in a previous post,I feel the need for clarification before going ahead.Love is not allowed to exist,leave alone flourish,in our Indian cultural setup;not that love itself in non-existent.This happens largely due to the fact that love does not always look at religion and caste before happening to the unwarned.So in our pluralist melting pot of a society where we mix with people from every conceivable religion,caste and language, it's well nigh impossible to ensure that you fall only for someone who will match your exact profile w.r.t the afore-mentioned parameters.The older generation would cry fowl on how the younger lot will bring shame to the family honour through cross cultural marriages.No comments there.Its part of the Indian culture to obey and respect the elders.The arranged marriage system is also a part of our long standing tradition and is even the only hope of so many of our young commitment-phobic losers,including me , in finding a life mate .

However , as a member of the younger generation here's my take on love.Going the halfway in romance and then getting the cold feet and throwing love out of the window when its time to show some guts in getting committed to each other for life ,is like desecrating the purity of love.By all means,uphold the family honour but do not disgrace love in the process;for every time obedience is chosen over love, it loses a bit of its charm.For the lovelorn and the lonely heart alike,love is the elixir of life- the magic we all dream will happen to us in our lives and make living worth it .Be heroes in love,not losers!

Easier said than done?I know....