Turning 30

There’s something amazing about my birthdays .They more or less coincide with the calendar, so when it’s new year in the calendar, it’s also new year in my life. Yeah, I’m a January born! So unlike kids who went, “When’s my birthday this year mommy?” at every other kid’s birthday, mine was always right at the beginning. There’s no better way for a year to start than with a birthday of your own!


Now it is a different matter altogether that I have never really ‘felt my age’. The last age I remember clearly feeling was 25. I used to await my 25^th birthday excitedly as the true rite of passage into adulthood and the grown-up-world. Even though you are officially an adult since the age of 18, I don’t think that quite holds in our family circles. Twenty five on the other hand is respectable enough for your opinions to merit more attention. The years since did not seem to make any difference to the status achieved on the 25^th milestone and have passed by as uneventfully as the passing seasons. In that sense, 30 seemed to be the next milestone year. Or was it?

The weeks leading up to the milestone day were a curious mix of trepidation and incredulity.An alien space ship had suddenly appeared and hovered menacingly over my mind’s sky .It bore the sign “30” in big neon lights on its forehead and intoned to me , “Awaiting clearance for landing “ . “Roger that. Need time for preparing the mind for touchdown “, I tried biding time wearily. But then, when has time slowed down to accommodate my willingness for age change! Meanwhile the day called for celebrations and that I was game for any time!

A grand privilege enjoyed by people in this part of the world is that we have not one but two birthdays! One on the date of birth as the rest of the world, and one based on our birth star per astrology. In fact the second one is of more import for us and this year it was just 2 days before my actual D.O.B. Right on this day arrived my first birthday gift of all, from my dear younger brother. So what if he was also the main competition for my parents ‘attention throughout childhood and we fought innumerable battles in good old sibling rivalry , we also grew up to be the most loving brother-sister duos of all time . Suffice it to say, it was the most heart warming feeling to get this special birthday gift from him and it not only made the day for me, but it will invariably light me up with a smile at its mere memory though out the year. Along with a lovely dress and a tiny li’l book of birthday quotes, came the cutest birthday card that had pages adorned with pictures of us from our early childhood that climaxed with a picture from my pre wedding evening and a big “I love you Sis”. It now stands proudly on my drawing room cupboard filling my home with cheer unbound! I love you back to bits, brother; you are such a precious part of my life, my dearest!!

My husband meanwhile, coached by myself on gifting options by way of a casual gift shop visit the prior week where I Ooh-ed and Aah-ed at their curio collections and remarked loudly about my love for cute greeting cards , was not to be left behind ! This step had to be taken as I have quite the serious ,matter-of-fact person image with my husband and so had to be reminded that I am also just as faint-hearted when it comes to all things pretty . Things started rolling the morning of my birth-star-day with my newspaper-hungry husband asking me to, “Get the newspaper dear”, while he held back pseudo-casually. A lovely birthday card came for me with the papers that day. I wonder to this day, who in the newspaper office dares call me “darling wife”! Humph!

Mid night birthday wishes are something I am infamous for shunning. I love my beauty sleep so much that history states an instance where I even kept my mobile in silence during a birthday eve and slept through it! Of course when love comes into life, it also turns some of our pig headedness on its head. What’s a birthday when you don’t sit up with your soul mate, count the hours till the stroke of mid night and then indulge in a hearty birthday kiss? When midnight turned into my 30^th year of existence, I was happily beaming into my husband’s face and rejoicing at the joy of having found each other in this big bad world – two people whose hearts beat together since that first meeting .If my narration is mushy by now, you should forgive and look the other way for a minute while I try to lose my stupid grin and then I shall tell you the remainder of the story in a bit.

Out came a procession of small gifts – each one something I had mentioned most probably in passing, fancies and little wishes of mine .They had all transformed into little beautiful gifts for me. A charming album to be filled with photos from our travels, a small mp3 player to fill music in my days , the movie CD of an obscure Malayalam movie I have been wanting to watch and had looked for everywhere but in vain . The list is topped by a serene watch we shopped for together.   On Republic Day , my date of birth, when I get a holiday every time to celebrate my birthday , we also celebrate my parents wedding anniversary .It’s always a day of double joy in my household as we reminisce two wonderful beginnings on this day – that of my parents marital life and my own birth in the subsequent year. Being away from home this year, my brother and I had sent our presents online to our parents – a bouquet of the loveliest pink roses to mark the beauty of the day and an anniversary cake to savour the deliciousness of our togetherness. Distances can well nigh diminish the joy of our hearts as we all celebrate together!

Back in Bangalore, the two of us made our way to one of our favourite entertainment options – a movie to mark the turn of the decade for me. An inspiring tale of a woman’s struggle out of mundane life and into reaching her true potential set the tone for the evening. The movie was followed up with a dinner at a quaint little café in one of the hangout areas of the city. An open terrace affair, the café had decadent furniture and tastefully done low key décor. Kitchen island and bar counter made up the centre of the whole area, while the tables were set along the periphery looking out into the palm fronted night sky. The food was so delicious that it satiated not just our famished tummies but also our foodie souls with its taste, texture and pretty looks. The candle light glow and soft music began seeping into us once we were so taken care of. The gentle breeze and romantic ambience combined to transport us back to our honeymoon days in Maldives and we reminisced those lovely days of our life. After the dinner, we went for a quiet night stroll gazing at the decked up shops and night crowd. A beautiful night was coming to a slow end.

Thus unwound the 30th memorial day of my birth on Jan 26^th of 1986. And this is the story of the day I turned 30 .Not that I wanted to. But the world has seen much worse. So I make my peace with it.”Remember being 25?” I ask myself .Hold on to it and never mind the numbers change!

Friends

Friends are actually marvellous things, ain't it ?

One to discuss the world and its afairs with
One for the times when I need pep-talk and encouragement
One to wallow about the slime pool that my life resembles now
One to go gaga over movies and old hindi music over
One to share the girl woes with
One for the fun times and merry making
One to share the ,'I only talk like this, but I'm not such a witch' attitude with .
One to fret over weight loss with
One to just send and receive kisses and hugs over facebook ..

So many ... I just don't tell this to them but I like all of them so much !They have a way of making life so so much easier to handle ... Like right now , I am looking for the pep-talk one cos I'm all jittery for reasons that cannot be disclosed here and no, whatever you assume is not that reason ! But she's off on a week long vacation :-( Oh well , her absence did make me mull over how amazing these people are .. and hoping this post would relieve the tension somewhat ..

The Rustic Charm of Ruskin Bond

Writing comes more easily to me when I have music in the background. Or is it that I lose myself in the music, get into the mood and write whatever captures the mood? If there’s any flow at all that’s there in my writing, it is due to the music. It’s also why most of the stuff here are just dreamy. If I were given one topic and then asked to write about it, I would find it boring - the eternal drifter that I am. Drifting brings me to what is holding me in sway these days - Ruskin Bond. My Orkut status already says so.

Ruskin Bond is one author I hadn’t had the chance to read much till now. He is also not whom I would pick, had I much of a choice of selection. Not mush reason for that except ignorance and negligible exposure to his works .I do remember though the short story of the blind girl the author meets in the train to Dehra Dun, that was part of our school syllabus. Though its titled ‘The Eyes Have It’ , in the book I’m hooked to right now – ‘The Best of Ruskin Bond’ - a collection of his stories , poems ,essays and what not ;I am certain the English Reader text had a different name for the story . It’s a love story – the story of a short, sweet romance. Couldn’t suppress a smile when I thought back about those school days when I was ‘taught’ this story .It never did strike me as a love story then. Not at all …. I read it now, and it’s a discovery that the author meant it as a love story. I was probably too young to recognize the faint scent of a tender romance that was the mood of the story. Or was it that the repetitious explanation from the teacher had killed the spirit of the story? A poem or a story cannot be ruined further than by explaining it. When you take a poem , read two lines and explain the meaning , take down the new words and their meanings ,delve deep into the metaphors and the similes ,you are actually dissecting it –literally opening its tummy and looking inside before even seeing the creature in its entire beauty and form . Should not! Not before you give it a full reading at least once, feel the flow and the mood, and lose some time in thinking about it. I guess you wouldn’t get the whole picture otherwise.

Take the story in question – the girl is going to Saharanpur and the author,all the way, to Dehra .So where is the girl going ,children ?? Saharanpur …we bellow .. and the that’s what gets the emphasis ,and that’s what stays in our mind .Tsk tsk .. Totally needless details get the spotlight and poor li’l romance is sidelined. But then, we were children and not to be spoilt with discourses on how the author’s heart went out to the girl .

I digress.

Back to Ruskin Bond.The office library is nothing much to write home about, holding in its general reading section, nothing much other than the how-to guides: the quintessential loser’s guide. Need I say more? I detest self-help literature .Period! So it was a relief to spot ‘The Best of Ruskin Bond’ among such wastage of precious paper like the afore mentioned genre of books. Grabbed it ,started reading and was hooked .The very first story ,’The eyes have it ’, was like the ‘hi there ,remember me ’ from a long lost friend .RB writes candid and simple prose that is heavily nostalgic about his boyhood days in Dehra dun and Mussorie . Most of it reads like first hand accounts of his life, as the ones that are shared among friends over a cup of tea, reminiscing the good old days. He describes his growing up years in the naturally bountiful hill station ,where he had all the time to wonder and be fascinated by nature , the many plants and trees and animals that he talks about with great familiarity, making the reader pine to go back to their own childhoods and relive it once again .As I have said here time and again , I am perpetually infatuated with childhood .For me ,its the best part of one’s life ,and I was always reluctant to grow up .I remember how sad I was to grow up and leave school ,and then later on ,college . It’s a tragedy that we cannot stop the years , live as much as we want is in our favorite age , and then continue with life when we are up for it .

He talks just as easily and eloquently about all the stages of life, from boyhood, to his late teens in London and after .There are also simple, lovely poems that can be enjoyed in one read, like a deep lungful breath of sweet fragrance. Would sign off recommending Ruskin Bond for company for the times when you feel wistfully nostalgic and want to go back in time. On that slow dusk watching the sun wave good bye , sipping sweet black tea , get on that hammock and stretch out with a copy of ‘The Best Of Ruskin Bond’ .

BGM

Track - I am born again.

Album – Oceans of Fantasy

Band - BoneyM

Can I have my childhood back?

I still have mountains to climb,

And creeks to swim in .

I wanted to play some more in the rain ,

And kick in the slush muddier.

I missed to make friends with some of ‘em I met on the way,

I forgot to pick some more fights with those I played with .

There are fantasies yet to be shared with wide eyed mates,

And some more adventures to plan during lazy afternoons.

Should have fallen and broken my skin some more,

So there could be more scars to show off from childhood games.

There are still more rainbows to follow with eyes lost to the skies,

Umpteen butterflies to mumble to, as they twittered uncaringly,

Some more flowers to gaze wide upon with admiration

Some more curious fishes in the pond I am yet to touch.

Tantrums and sulks a few more for my hunger for attention

I know some more stuff to show off to the younger kids

Walls yet to be etched with crude pencil and chalks

Stones to be flung farther off into the muddy pond

There are still tiny lotus blooms in there

To be worn around the neck, with their long stalks

Stories from my granny to listen to

There sure must be more tales of the kings and their battles.

Treasure troves of good things still hidden from me

Too precious, all of them, to let go

Can I have my childhood back please?

For I still have mountains to climb

And some more creeks to swim in …

Back to childhood

Your children are not your children. They are the sons and daughters of Life's longing for itself. -- Kahlil Gibran

It was to see this longing, and to reaffirm my faith in the purpose and beauty of life, that I decided to volunteer for the ‘Rural Reach Program’ sponsored by the company. As part of the program, a team of employees from the company visit a rural school, sometimes with high drop out rates, and try to reach out to the children, mostly from poor families. The target audience is the children from 5th, 6th and 7th classes who do not get much exposure to computers. There we tell them about the basics of computers and let them explore and use our laptops in an effort to get them interested and generally acquainted with computers.

My life was just turning around the same spot, and boringly so too. Blame it on the recession, the general work trends in the IT industry, marriage brouhaha, or whatever else; nothing seemed to expedite the recovery. That’s when I remembered about my forgotten quest for a purpose in life, around the time I read this in Abhi’s blog. That touched a chord… a very lazy, lethargic chord in me twanged feebly, enough to make me decide on giving up a lazy Saturday to meet a bunch of naughty, high-energy and absolutely adorable kids!

We had a program scheduled for 2.5 hours wherein we would tell them a bit about computers, show them some basic apps like Word and Paint, discuss about civic sense with them, a tiny li’l G.K quiz and then let them play games on our lappies. The kids were broken up into groups of ten and a group of ten 6th grade boys were assigned to me and my mate. No sooner had we opened the laptop than they started chattering away excitedly among themselves -

“Athu kanda da ?Haaai athu pullinte padam alle ?” [Did u see that? Isn’t that grass in that picture? *Windows desktop wallpaper :-)]
“Ohh , ithu gnan nerathe kandittundu” [Oh, I have seen this before ]
“chechi-de peru enthiru ? ” [What’s your name, sis?]
“ithu namukku tharuvo?” [Will you give it to us? * The lappy!!! :-O]

Thus started off our exciting interaction with these tiny bundles of energy, brimming with questions and at times, shooting very frank comments! They took turns typing their names in MS Word, slowly finding each alphabetic key, getting tensed when they typed something wrong, and egging each other on …As part of the Kerala government’s promotion of Linux and open source software for it’s IT education in schools, what little exposure they had had, was in Linux .It surprised me pleasantly when they asked me to give them TuxPaint .We had to make do with MS Paint though, but they were just too eager to lap it all up.

They had spotted the bright blue coloured gift kits we had brought for them in cartons, and I told them the truth when questioned about it. Big mistake! They kept shaking their heads in disbelief, and just wouldn’t take my word that it was for everyone and that the same gift would be given to everyone. Apparently, they had been subjected to differential treatment way too often to believe that they were all going to be treated to the same gift for once. But it helped me get the racket under control with a simple ,”Do you guys even want the gift?” ,to which they would promptly quieten down and get back to their chairs ,finger on lips and arms crossed over their chests .Did I tell you ,they were simply adorable !

The children had very good awareness when it came to civic senses and I did away with the entire preachy bit. Come games time, and you could see ten kids glued to my lappie ,an entangled mass of heads and arms in front of a glaring screen accompanied by unbelievable din .Needless to say ,I loved the mess and was right in the middle explaining the moves and showing them how to play .We took turns playing Pacman ,that old game I played at school when I was the same age ,and I humbly state the fact that I was the highest scorer in our bunch! So I was allowed by the kids to assist them while playing .Yea … We were comrades in arms and I handled the down and left arrows for them!

In no time, it was time for us to wind up but not before getting their feedback .They had to mark their feedback on a scale of 4 to 1, 4 being the highest. As I explained each question to them, they scurried to mark their response as soon as I told them what 4 stood for. That was kind of you, guys! The naughtiest one though would say “1” as he bent over his covered paper and marked four for me and looked back with a mischievous grin. They told me they loved the program and kept on asking me to return some day and teach them some more.
“Eni ennu varum?Adutha Saturday varumo ? ” [When will you come next? Will you come back next Saturday?]
I smiled “Yes”
The naughtiest one shook his head sadly,”Eni varilla,veruthe parayunnathanu ”
[You won’t come back, you are lying]
How many promises made to you have been broken, my child, for you to have that kind of sad sarcasm in you …?
I was heart broken, but smiled “Yes” again.

That is the saddest part of meeting children. You grow so fond of each other in such a short while that it invariably breaks your heart when it’s time to leave. They take leave in the hope that we will meet again soon, and as they wave goodbye to me happily, I have to smile over a broken heart because only I, of the two, know that we may never meet again. Our paths may not cross again, but may the learning and the fun of the whole experience inspire them to not drop out of school but to stay on and learn more. Each one of the kids I met has it in him/her to do well; I pray that life gives them a fair shot …

I come back from the program, my fascination for life, greatly replenished!!!

Footnote -
Dear God,
They are such talented children; please keep an eye out for them.

The School-Maathasherrikkulam Malyalam medium UP School,Attingal.

Why Am I an MJ Fan?

These last few days, some non-MJ fans have been asking me that question, though I am still surprised that there are people in our generation who belong to that category. And all I can say is that, I am lost for words for any explanation.

Some things are so intense that they can only be felt, not explained.The moment you try to explain it, you dilute its intensity and it no longer is what you set out to capture in words. In a way, words are too small for that feeling.

This line of poem from yesterday’s memorial service stayed on with me and to all MJ fans of this world, I have only this to repeat,
“In the loss of our treasure, though we are many, we are all achingly alone … “

And to MJ himself,
I love you, MJ.
You were the best, you are and you will, forever be, The Best.
May your soul find eternal peace .
***

Ehsaas…

It’s a typical work day .Me racks brain over a tricky enhancement on a VBA based Excel macro. Misses the first evening bus over it .Tries some more...
An hour later,
An ID card swipes...Beep. Red to green to red...
Reaches early to find the bus near empty and its insides, dark and solemn.
A beautiful cyan lights up the tiny mp3 player’s display and dishes out Atif Aslam’s ‘Ehsaas’. Lets hair loose and lies back on the seat by the window, eyes closed, an irrepressible smile playing on my lips …

Dusk is just graying the sky as I stand on the pavement of a busy road with silent traffic and watch the neon signboards and the bright tail lamps of the cars that flow smoothly
on the wide road.
Steam spews out of fresh cream laden coffee as I lean out of the window, after the rain that has bathed the earth outside. Breeze laden with the aroma of wet soil wafts up as the music grows louder with thumping jazz overtones.
A bright orange coloured hot air balloon moves over the ocean’s blue expanse as I strain my eyes to watch the view shielding my face against the sun with one hand.

The bus is now moving over a bridge over a lake, that lies dark and glittering as we glide over it .A gust of wind tugs at my loose hair strands as I look up to the winking stars in the night sky .

....Manzil paas nahi , kya tu mere paas hai ...

My mind plays with pretty pictures captured from my life, like playing with a kaleidoscope. I see in my mind’s eye the green that stretched away from the road till the end of my sight’s reach, as I traveled on a bus along the inter-state highway that leads away from B’lore.I see the night view at Suicide Point from a college trip long ago , a valley and a vast expanse of land before me with light bulbs that looked like floating luminous yellow liquid floating in the night air .I remember losing my breath at these sights …Each vision, a picture post card out of each point of my life…

‘Hey, you dreaming ? ’
I jolt awake from the trance.
‘No daa.. .’

*sigh* back to life ….

In Love

Aarghh Finally ....

I finally got my very own Calvin n Hobbes gadget (not as in I own it ...)on my very own blog (yea..this one I very much own)!Finally!!!What an achievement ... I feel like I cleared SCJP ;YEssss...So what's all the hype about ?I have been trying hard ,not like in the eyes-glued-to-the-monitor style but like in the slumped-on-the-chair-and-typing-with-one-finger hardwork mode ,for over quarter of an hour to get this thingy added but with each gadget in Blogger's gadget link showing up broken ,or worse giving me the ray of hope by adding without content(showing me a bloody red X!).So finally after traversing scores of Calvin links , I got this one to work !All that hardwork definitely needs to show and thats why I have the gadget right on top ,just so nobody misses it .Does 'nobody' even read my blog ?Duh!

Calvin n Hobbes has caught my imagination and totally enslaved me these days ,just the way J.M.Coetzee did with 'Youth' years ago ,and nothing or nobody has been able to do before or afterwards...Yea ,I guess I am growing up backwards ,but that's alright if its gonna be thiss fun!!!My passions have always been the binge variety ,wherein I taste of it a little in the begining,if it appeals to me I take a second helping and then a third and then forget the rest of the world ,leave the fork and spoon behind and climb into the cauldron and lose myself till I am smug in the satisfaction that I have now chomped down enough to hibernate and gloat till my next love finds me .When my eyes go hazy talking about something , you know that it has been one of my loves.My love affairs till date go something like this (Only those which stole my heart and made me love-sick ,so this is just a teensy-weensy subset)

Since I learned to read till class 5 -Baalarama,Amar Chitra Katha.(Tons of others,but these two where my chart topping infatuations)

Class 5,6-Famous Five(I two timed with Secret Seven!)

Calss 7,8-Hardy Boys(Wonder why Nancy Drew got a step-motherly treatment)

Class 9-Agatha Christie(esp the Hercule Poirot ones.My favouritest AG till date is 'The Mysterious Case of Mr.Quinn'.I am torn between my love for several AG titles actually.)& Ofcourse Sherlock Holmes (This I binged till I read all of SH titles back to back)

Class 10-Erle Stanley Gardner(I still rememeber how I trembled in love for this one!)

Class 11,12-NO Nothing ... :( Every Indian kid knows why .. this was the time when for lack of any extra-curricular book to read,I binged on poetry that was in our ISC syllabii.My first baby footsteps into reading poetry,which I promptly forgot as soon as I got the sligtest chance to get back to anything prose.

College (4 loong years )-Year one saw me wine and dine with Ben Okri .Yea ,I was disillusioned and Okri is better than, and a convenient alternative to ,getting high on grass.The arrangement suited me anyways ...On second thoughts ,college was one long year and three fast ones.The fast three had me addicted to J.M.Coetzee!This is when I felt that I may have finally met the love of my life and felt a sense of reassuarance that I need seek no further.It was just JM and me ...*sigh*until I finished off almost all of his acclaimed works of fiction ...and I was forlorn again..Lest I miss out , I also had a fling with Harry Potter those days ,finally succumbing to pressure from all sides and one lazy holiday with not one other grown-up's book available but the HP3!I can't thank Renjitha,my class 12 mate,enough , for she was the one who kept pleading with me to read HP which the arrogant me had then brushed away with ,'I seriously don't enjoy children's literature anymore,please excuse...'.Guess the punishment for my impudence was the years I spent untouched by HP magic!

At Work(till a few days ago)- Paulo Coelho.This is when I moved from depending heavily on libraries for my romantic indulgences ,and started buying books.Though I had got a bitter first taste of Coetzee with 'Eleven Minutes',I lasted and got hooked to PC with my next sip in the form of 'The Alchemist'(Thanx to my cousin bro for persuading me to give PC another chance!)In PC ,I found someone who asked the same questions that I asked and what's more ,he went on to answer/explain some of those exasperating doubts in his own ways which appealed to me in a huge way.Thus began my scour for anything PC which lasted until a while ago till I had then obtained almost all the popular and talked about titles except for one which has eluded me till now ,'By the River Piedra I Sat Down and Wept'

Now that the pendulum of my love for PC is coming to a faltering halt, I have met Calvin n Hobbes ,both of whom incidentally hate girls !As a sign of how love-struck I am with these two ,Calvin especially (blush..) I let the Calvin gadget adorn my blog's forehead and allow it to sit there staring out at anyone who passes by.I am also attracted to the likes of Dilbert and Garfield,but I guess for now ,Calvin comics is where my heart truly belongs...

For all my pomposity of being single ,this post reveals to the world the secret behind my life long singlehood - I was always in love !Ssshhhh.... "I am single!" .Oh Yeaaaa ;-)

PS to my loves:Forgive if I have missed any one of you.My cobweb of a memory is far insignificant when compared to the true love I have had for you..Rest assured that you are safe in my heart !Cheesy ??? Well,this is just between me and my love ,so please excuse....

i Return

Life looks all good with guitar strumming in my ears and lilting, lovely solitude this evening as the sun sets beautifully and all my cubicle-mates (mercifully/for solitude sake only..) leaving early ,giving me a chance to indulge in the all-time love of my life-writing my heart out!(Now you know why I had disappeared behind the horizon for these four months!). As I realize what a golden opportunity has befallen me, a wicked smile spreads itself on my face and rubbing both palms together I grab the keyboard for one of those adventurous sessions of ours..(I meant blogging! C’mon people..)
A quick update on my life since my vanishing act.
The initial two and half months were spent in Mysore undergoing training, were I got to learn my favorite programming language-Java.Fell in love with it all over again.! But that’s not all. Those two and a half months kept me so thrilled and busy that I didn’t even miss blogging.(Imagine!)It’s a paradise on earth that deserves to be spoken about for hours on end…absolutely loved it there !!
After training , they immediately pressed me into services and life hasn’t slowed down since.(Smart people are forever in demand you see…no wonder I am so jobless ..) Let me not bore you with any more specifics..
Outstanding memories
Special Diwali with special kids
I had the opportunity to spent the last Diwali in a special home for underprivileged and economically backward children,organized by our most kind Mysore-HR department.Frequented and supported by folks from the nearby residential company campus and people from all other walks of life,and run by ‘amma’ as she is dearly called,I noticed that the kids there received more love and attention than the kids in any of today’s homes, born to ever-busy parents.They recited entire chapters from Bhagavad Githa and conversed fluently in English with us. Made me wonder who is really underprivileged!

Tearful TZP
Yea its too late now..the movie has been all but forgotten .But I can never forget the experience of consoling the tearful guys who accompanied us for the movie!We virtually sobbed on each others’ shouders..Cheers to those guys cool enough to weep before girls.Guys , you rock!

One thousand new pals
The whole training batch consisted of 1000+ people .Man!Was it huge!!
It was an unbelievable experience , meeting all those lovely and cheerful people who quickly turned to dearest mates. Each and every one of them were special and recalling those faces now gives me that warm fussy nostalgic feeling as of a dream-life fully lived.Lovya all people..

That’s all for the time being.Catchya sooner than later.. ;)

VOILA!Life Is A Song!!(Part One)

The very first lab session of my engineering studies ,anything of any practical purpose anyway, was the Data Structures lab.(DS..Data in Structured arrangement..or so I think..)and it blew my fuse ..big time!!..

In the 4 years of engg studies,the 1^st year is spent learning things you want to forget the moment you are done with the exams.So it’s the 2^nd year ,or the 3^rd semester that life begins for the engineer..and my life was to turn the IT way..and all that I knew about IT was the mallu word for it,thanx to seniors who made sure we knew..and how….’vivara saankethika vidhya’..whew!

The theory sessions came first.The (guest)lecturer for D.S was a very tiny lady,much resembling a rabbit in face and demeanour.She sang to us endlessly about ..I don’t know..I never heard a word anyway..most of our ‘teachers’ at the time were scarcely that.They were fresh B.Tech pass-outs who wanted to kill time ..We learned about lovely names like D.S,D.B.M.S,and O.O.P.S..that last one was my favourite..OOPS stood for object oriented programming,and the S just tagged along like an initial. Coming back to data structures ,now it is a wonderful subject. One of the most important bricks that were to constitute the foundation of our IT knowledge .Once the initial confusion got over and I accepted that the teaching medium was indeed English and not French (Greek or Latin)as it had appeared initially ,I realized ,one fine day, that the rabbit and my more intelligent classmates were wading through a specific type of quicksand called, algorithms .of course, I knew algorithms ..they were a method of writing down the problem at hand, breaking it up into sub-tasks until it cannot be divided up any more. at that point,all your teeny –weeny tasks can be done in one go… sort of ,you had now beaten the living daylights out of the problem ,and its no more a problem for you.I knew that’s what algos were about.. and I liked it too ,I mean, it’s a cool idea ,init ?They taught this in standard 8^th ,I think ,along with some other basics like ,BASIC itself. .my cobweb of a memory tells me ,those days basic used to mean, beginners all purpose symbolic instruction code.. or was it symbiotic now….?

So on that day of my first DS enlightenment, came my way the first problem ,with a capital p so it was a Problem. As is common knowledge ,you start learning English words with ‘A for apple’.. if its a new programming language, you start it with the ‘hello world ’ program.. much the same way ,a course in algos always start with the ’add two numbers’ problem.It struck me immediately ,algorithms start with the ‘start’ and end with the ‘stop’..but whatever went in between remained unknown.. .people around me had started writing ,and I resigned to thinking, and thought and thought ..and then, I came up with a stunner !My first algo in college..

START

ADD TWO NUMBERS

STOP

Lol!! And to think it looked perfectly sane at the time.. !!There I sat with my prize winner ..

But that was the beginning of the end of ignorance, total and complete. .the ignorance ,not the dispelling…By the time I started feeling comfortable around anything algo,we were into stacks and queues.Now stacks everyone knows…a neat stack of books arranged one on top of the other.. ha, everyone knew stacks. .so I gave my ear drums a rest!After a few weeks of theory, when we were just ripe enough to start our labs, they introduced us to the ‘internet’ lab.. where we were to do our DS labs.. Now, row upon row of silent and completely blank faces(computer monitors)is enough to scare someone on a first visit ,but being given a comp terminal all to yourself! Did they want us to handle this machine all alone? Nothing like it would just jump out of its pedestal and run away, but one never knew ..and all the comps were loaded with Linux.. not even the omnipresent Windows ,ya that really helped ..now I was a complete martian landed on pluto..life’s a song,enjoy!

The first lab question to be tackled read like this:-

‘Implement stack using arrays’

A stack of arrays ??Now if they had given a pile of books or something, I could have given that a try.. I could have done up a neat stack ..of books…but arrays.. really? Can u reread that question for me?? And my neighbour read it out to me.. no luck ,the ‘arrays’ stubbornly remained arrays. .hell!

Now, I had carried my note book to the lab, something is better than nothing, especially when you went to a lab ,..for the first time..it struck me then, the algo for this problem was done in the theory class…voila!there was an algo for this! Now, you just had to put it into formal/business like tones.. ya,just do it using the programming language..and life suddenly became a song…

All self respecting stacks in the DS world are expected to do two things,in the least..push and pop..no ,not plop..like onto the floor..its pop..The push thing went fine,you know everybody knows push..but the pop thing got me.It was something new ,and all things new were scaring me that day..pop..pop..see,pop is where the topmost thing on your stack is removed from the stack..On real stacks ,tht would have been easy…but on a DS stack…I mean,there wasn’t even a real stack..the stack was only in your imagination..and people wanted to put things in it..and whats more,they wanted to take out things they had(never)put in..talk about going nuts…

Ya so,when you do a pop,the topmost thingie has to go away..but where is ‘away’ inside the comp..the recycle bin..?or does it just jump outside of the comp itself??Noway I could have made it do that.. I mean,I just was not smart enough for that..Maybe,I could print it out..I eyed the old dot matrix printer ,probably the very first one to be acquired by the department..Cuckoos had started singing in my brain,and I forgot all shame and stammered my question to rabbit..’ma’am,when you do a pop,where does the topmost element go?’She looked confused..I explained,’like.. ma’am ,when you do a pop,where does the topmost element go?’She brightened up at that.’just delete it’.wow!of course!why didn’t I think of it before…delete…I know delete,there is even a key on the keyboard for it DEL..wow,that’s soo easy..’thank you ma’am,for dispelling this cloud of confusion that was eating me up’..that would have scared her away..so I kept my thanks to myself..and beamed at her,she beamed back,all was well..nothing to worry..cool..life was a song..

But there was something wrong with DEL,every time I hit it,the letters of my code on the screen disappeared!..Those precious words of my own precious code just evaporated from the screen..AND they were not coming back either..I frantically searched the keyboard for a clue..no,I was a gonner,those lines of code were gone..lost..for eternity..and what was this bloody DEL anyway?..Can’t even delete a silly thing off a stack..to hell with DEL..you will rot in hell..!!

Close to pulling off my hairs now,I decided to ask again..’ma’am,I don’t know how to delete the topmost…’blah blah..’just write the function and call it’…function..ah yes..I knew functions..but writing a function with just the name delete,and nothing else inside it ,and then calling it when I needed to delete,..will that work?How will delete() know what I wanted done..?mind reading??’ma’am…(me totally flustered now)but what to write inside that function??I mean where does the element go when it is deleted..?what happens then??’Now ..she gave me an even bigger smile..I guess finally she was sure I was an ignorant fool and not trying to show off with annoying questions..’just replace the element with zero and update your flag..’; enlightenment!! light!!!....at the end of the tunnel!!thank you …for that piece of wisdom..now I will rest in peace in my grave…thank you..life was a song..again..

Disclimer:

'rabbit' is a term of endearment in the writer's dictionary.

My Best Friend

‘chookar mere mann ko

kiya thoone kya ishaara..’

What did u do to me,my love….

Oops sorry ,this is no love story. .this one is on ma best mate ,life time best friend!!
She is called aishu,( ohhhhh yes baby ,u r still the one!)
No ,I don’t intend to lavish praise on her, I have already done that in her orkut profile.
I will just tell you how we met and then became best pals.

It was in 1999,when we were in the 9^th class together ,two out and out ,outrageous 13 year olds. .that was when we became friends ending our word-fights and general dislike of the last two years! !She used to be a (filthy ..hehe!!) class representative and rule over us soo. .I remember how, along with two other friends of mine, I had tried to ruin some fashion-show practice of hers for some school day thing! Fashion-show by 8^th graders!(12 year olds.. haha.. man, u were the limits then, still is!)and then one day ,in the following year during some free period, I sang in front of a totally unsuspecting class of 45 girls..(I didn’t sing, they made me!!)Somehow that fateful day, I had ended up sitting at the end of the first row right next to her, and she pushed me off the bench when the teacher had asked, ’Who will sing a song now?’(poor me..)and I sang.. and she fell head over heels for me!!!(eewwwww that’s bloody mushy romantic..)

‘I am born again, I feel free ,no longer alone…’ from BoneyM did the trick!

And we became best mates!!

That song even got me a fan …( bragging rights reserved!)

For the next two years we simply rocked that school. We skipped the morning assembly and attended the prayer sessions in the fairy-tale chapel of ours, which was meant for the Christian students. Our hindu roots did not interfere with those cozy morning prayers ,away from the glaring sun of the school grounds where the assembly was usually held. Ofcourse we were good students in the class, just that she would sit with her head 180 degrees turned towards me, myself being seated just behind her. Come lunch break ,and we would roam the sprawling school premises, till we had been to every favourite spot and satisfied ourselves that everything was indeed fine.Oh! Those trees that we climbed and those walls that we scaled!

She would draw my pictures(bad ones),she would bring me stuff to eat(yummy those ..),and some other times, flowers stolen from the flower vase at her home!! Those days I had two library memberships at the school library, one of my own and the other one ,hers!(lucky me..)she didn’t read much of those books, but could be seen bragging about the books I had read! I am guilty of one thing though ,I used to bore her endlessly with prattle about my favourite movies, no wonder she wrote in my autograph book that the one thing she hated was my narration of English movie tales. But we both loved Terminator2 and exchanged innumerable ‘Astalavista babe’s..

I thought I was the more sensible of the two, but it was she who made me understand how vain it was to fall and be in love with Prince William! At that point of time, I had my mind made up on him.. but for her ,I would never have gotten over him nor looked at another man!(13 year olds!!)But we were the both of us together in love with Nick Carter of Backstreet Boys, and fought endlessly over him..

Apart from the age-related-silly-syndrome that both of us suffered from, she was the sounding board for all my fantastic ideas, and wild dreams. We had huge plans for our lives, oh yes.. magnificent life plans.. we had decided then ,that once we grew up ,

1. We would go on a world tour

2.I will still marry Prince William ,if that was possible

3.and she ,Nick Carter

4.The children would go to school together,and be thick friends like us.

5.She would become a rock star(Madonna??),and me a geeky freak like the villain in Golden Eyes.

6.We wanted to be cheer leaders for a while,but she scared me out of it!

And the list goes on forever, really.

Tragedy strikes:

Promptly after we had finished school, my best friend left for London, leaving me alone here.I was so used to her and her loving ways, I tried searching for an equivalent soul-mate around me. But it was useless ofcourse, there never was anyone quite like her again.For some time after she left, I missed her sooo badly that I would get up from my bed in the night, and write furiously about her in my diary..I have still got those emotional diary entries with me.. neither did I allow anybody to get that close to me again..I don’t know, friendship just wasn’t that colourful without her..

Even all these years later, when I was a bundle of sorrows just a few months ago, my best friend was there to help me through…I guess even if don’t talk or stay in touch directly, the souls have a way of knowing when the other is in need..

So here is this post, dedicated to my life-long best friend.. long live friendship!!

Ps:

you loved and pampered me so much ,

Those days I had a feeling, that I was blessed specially!

Lovya always..XX

Private Emotion

The weekfull of unending rain was enough to turn the most ardent rain-worshipping pagan to a sceptic.This is not withstanding the fact that it gave me high cold and fever for four long days and nights ,and that too right after my exams got over..so , that more or less ruined my celebrations of graduation to a meek(I don’t know who else will agree to that!) caption in the orkut!!

On the third morning,somewhere between consciousness and unconsciousness,I saw myself sitting in my S7 classroom,attending a lecture ,as I had done maybe a year ago..and something deep inside me was willing me to rise because my semester break was over and S8 had already begun.I woke up then,in cold sweat and gasping..i didn’t know I would miss it so much!I remember I used to see similar dreams just after my 10^th and 12^th class board exams too..

Later on,a friend of mine told me he had seen a similar dream of our s8 class too.i know I can go to my college any day,maybe for one more month or so(after that,I donno which god forsaken place I’ll be in),but still I could go there.But there will be no more of attending classes,listening to my teachers speak,no more or writing stories and commentary sneakily during boring hours,(I won’t say bunking classes ,I was a good student and didn’t indulge myself in such freedoms..),no more of the canteen chaais..why should all good things end?

‘It’s a private emotion,that fills you tonite’-Ricky Martin sings so to me ..

and I’m letting it off on you unsuspecting fellas..

I have no more bright words for now,I’m feeling soo low..

‘……….as the shadow steals the light………’

PS:making up for the slip..(more of a private indulgence..)

watch 'private emotion'

HOLIIIIIII!!!!!!!!

FAREWELL HOLI

It was the day to remember for the rest of our lives…the day we played holi, took photos like crazy and finally parted our ways..the last official working day of our college life.

The morning saw us ,the beauties of s8 IT decked up in sari,like we often did at the slightest of chances,only this time it was different,it was going to be the last of our sari sessions in college.but gorgeous we all were..

‘vasanthamullai pole.. ‘

the guys too wore traditional dresses.
the morning started off slowly with a lecture.then we began our dearest shooting spree..we collected the members of the very first gang that was formed in the college,5 of us and took photos at the s1s2 block,the block..the classroom..were we were baptized as GEC-ians and It-ians.memories ,memories..those things we did ,those words we uttered,and those days when we were just kids fresh out of school and in awe of seniors,enjoying unbound freedom..ho!it all seems to me like yesterday.

Sorry,I am diverting!its that disease called nostalgia!

Come afternoon and we all braced up for the game ….’bura na maano,holi hain!!’there were the initial glitches like when we had just a single and tiny packet of colour ,blue colour,just that.but we started it off in high spirits and in no time there were 59 people standing around literally looking blue,like we all had just plunged into a giant cauldron of blue colour!at one point of time ,we were scraping colour off painted people to paint the relatively bare faces.that’s when somebody rushed out of the class covered in bright yellow..yahoo!more ammunition!!it was a mix of hues afterwards and not much was visible for some time.when slight visibility had returned ,everyone of us were coloured from head to toe,we had all become multicoloured hooligans!when we ran out of our colourful resources,we took photos in shouting,screaming and yelling poses.those pictures were adorable,not one face was recognisable !

Somewhat drained, some of them moved to the taps in front of our classroom to ‘get neat’.2 friends and me got a brainstorm-we took the risk and walked to the taps right in front of the staffroom,there we cleaned ourselves to our hearts content,hung around in the hot sun to dry off and returned all mellow and gay to our den.but we were taken by surprise by our better equipped classmates,and were given royal showers from 2 full bottles of water before we could even say’run’!thus it was that we leaped forth into the ‘Great IT Bath’.the unspoken agenda was to soak everyone and maintain everyone in a ‘dripping’ state.there were the ‘bathed and dripping’ people chasing the ‘not soaking wet yet’ ones with water bottles.but the bottles were in short supply and we had to drag some very reluctant people to the tap ,and give them a proper shower-direct from the tap. .man!was it exhausting!
the exhilarating part in the whole thing is –the initial resistance to the bath,then once half a bottle has been emptied on your back comes the sense of hopelessness and self-surrender -you realize that the battle is lost,so you join in the fray and look for the next target –or chicken,if u like.

There were few of them who took shelter in the corridor in front of our beloved server room,hoping we wouldn’t encroach upon those sacred premises.it was no use though!such fun it is to bathe the more reluctant ones!once we had everyone bathed and ‘dripping’,quite satisfied with the days work,or game,we turned to more glamorous stuff like…our photo/video session again.though twice(not once)we suffered royal ‘thaeppu’ breaking our throats cheering and posing for video to a camera not exactly recording our misdeeds,but we were third time lucky.a dripping (read rocking)class photo too.the afternoon had turned us into hungry lions and we collectively stormed the canteen.5 mins after our entry ,the few EC staff who were the only non-s8IT-ians in the area ,fled..must be evidence enough for the racket. Never once ,in our 4 years here,had our classroom look so filled-up, as did the canteen today evening.there was a round of chair-fight to fill in the entertainment slot.there was also a round table discussion(chalu competition)as we cooled off,or rather dried off.having sufficiently drained our energies for one day,we finally split up..aww,the awful part that one.

In between all the fun and uproar, 1 or 2 broken links that were ,quietly clicked into place,just like that-like magic!and that was the best part.it was the day that reminded me of our initial days in GEC-the fun and the innocence.

Ps(to my classmates):-

We had one hell of a holi mates..lovya all..

Reminiscence of college life

---------------------------------

All will agree with me when I say ,memories are the best part of life. as they come flooding to me tonite,I cant but share a few with you.

In the chronological order:-

Rudest shock of my life----day 1 in college;I actually saw a cow grazing near the principal’s office window!!I had come for my admission;and I didn’t knw if I should run or stay.well,I just did.

Most silent day --- day 2 in college.that’s wen the classes started.(ha ha)

Most friendly eyes--- lemi’s.day3

Scariest person---nalini ma’am.(my knees still go weak tryin to decide whether to smile or just walk on)

Then a lot of self intro’s and hi’s later

When I enjoyed d most---ragging anju on her first day in s1s2.she did d action song 4 ‘twinkle twinkle’.(HA HA HA)

Most memorable evenings---wen prema and I would skip d cllg bus jus 4 d sake of a slow walk till we ran out of things 2 banter abt, n 4 d cold tea n 'vadai'* from LMS canteen.

First time an utter stranger lukd soo familiar----dats secret(wink!)

Most exciting event of cllg—first cllg election v witnessed..wen d KSU pulis still roamed d GEC jungle..i had talked myself hoarse d day bfore..and ofcorse’ INSIGNIA

Sweetest voice of our campus—sandeep bose..i still remember his ‘i’ll b 2 steps behind you’ for valentine’s day’04..our first in d college..

Most Inspiring GEC-ian--- gokul b alex..dearest ex-union chairman.i recall his heated arguments about d rise of communism in soviet union(overheard) ,with a thoroughly dumbfound open-mouthed it-doesn’t-matter-who.

He would talk passionately about literature n exhort to write like mad whenever n on whatever topic possible.n never too busy 2 listen 2 ‘juniors’.

Most useful times spent on campus—d quiz club sessions..jus memories now

Biggest surprise---VGK afterall turned out b not-so-hostile,friendly even(at times)

Lectures I enjoyed d most—balu sir,d great!(though d lab exams wer hell)

Lecturer who constantly got on my nerves—crybabe!you know who.!

Achievement of our class—INSIGNIA

Personal best team effort---‘vainottam’**---viji n i.(v r working overtime these days ..so few days left!!)

On a serious note---THE MIME(spcl thanx 2 rekha.ab jaana ‘tholikkatti’ kis chees ki naam hai)

Silly li’l things----

I lov---

our outpost near d s1s2 classes under d tree(its gone now,it was d best ‘viewpoint’ ever)

cushion chairs of s3(how v fought d day it came)

d steps near s3-s4 classses (second best ‘viewpoint’)

CN lab---100 mbps is simply too good..i cant get over it!!

Special thanx—canteen-thanx 4 d innumerable teas n puffs over d years----I remember too,d innumerable times you were pure torture saying ‘evide onnumilla’.

Cooler!!---d GEC-ians one n only waterhole!!

Combined study sessions @ chitra’s…exam special..

Unforgettable bombshell!! IV –I am speechless here..

Object of affection-----the ‘vishuchedi’(konna tree)on d way 2 d drawing hall.

Last vishu,it made me wait long n hard 4 d first blooms,but once it started blooming ,d tree remained golden for a long time!!

I hope nobody cuts it down in d name of development

Heartbreak---to see our dearest football ground now resemble mars with all its craters!!

I hav purposefully left out d big events-things everybody knw.

Endnote---

How I wish for!!-----a class reunion yrs from now,’classmates’ style!!(n pls don’t anybody think of a murder!lets not spoil d fun,plsss!!)

Ps—now that u hav read my memories,do something in return.post urs too

‘oru paalam ettaal angottum engottum vendey?’***

*south-indian delicacy

**checking people out

***return the favour