Monday, February 20, 2012

Perfidious one, Goodbye

Just two days ago, he had left me for another girl.  I had been a mere passing fancy .All around me, my world was crashing. That night, I sat staring at the sky like I so often did, only this time it was not a lovely azure sky or a dreamy gaze … it was an ink black night and a fixed hollow stare. Not a soul stirred in the world outside the bay windows, nor within. Summer heat was suffocating the air and along with it the darkness made a cemetery of my bedroom. A power failure was on and the time must have been well past midnight; I had lost touch altogether, for everything was still as if dead.

Clinging to the iron bars, there I sat at the window sill that looked south upon the face of the sky  marked by coconut tree tops. Drenched in sweat and fists clenched white, I heaved at the night air through the only window pane that was open. Not a muscle in my body moved, the eye lids refused to bat. The shock was enough to put my life on ventilator- I could hardly breathe. I sat with a body that had gone limp . But I could sense the brain work furiously .What was I thinking? Was it the deceit or the heartlessness that so broke me?

All that was yesterday ; today seems slightly better .The moonless dead sky made as if to wink at me through its starry eyes, like those eyes had done once upon a time. I don’t know about the stars but the moon knew…I had told the moon myself of my dreams… dreams inspired by his beautiful deep eyes. What were to become of those? Why does it all seem like such a long time ago though it had been just two days? I should say my mind took it remarkably well, oh it took a lot of courage .For today, he is on ventilator .Right now, in the dead of this summer’s night, he is battling for his life .There would be so much chaos surrounding him when he lies there half-asleep, only he wouldn’t know. I did what I could, the rest I shall leave to fate .He may come back alive, but still...I hope…he goes… tonight...

It was raining hard when I woke up in the morning .I love morning showers and this one had come after testing times of dry heat. The sunlight and rain mixed and danced at my windows, now all open, and gently sprayed on my face waking me up. That morning, soaking in the scene of this world getting cleansed by heavenly rain , the world regained a semblance of what it should be – truthful and righteous. 

The sleep had been rather fitful – throughout the night I kept hearing murmurs, waking with a start every now and then giving me a bad head ache, but now nature was consoling me. The moist air cooled the heat in my mind, the sight of water flowing everywhere soothed my eyes, and I don’t know why but they started flowing too. I rose and took up seat at the window sill again leaning my head against the iron bars, and gazed at the sky with tearful eyes. The rain drenched me and the wind stuck strands of wet hair against my face.

The world was washed and dripping from head to toe like someone preparing to do the last rites of a dead man. The leaves on the tree tops drooped, like his head would have hung, in sorrow. An unexplainable sense of gloom had started rising in me, the seeping in of the first grains of emotion since the breakup .Then, a hand gently touched me, and said, “You have to be brave to hear this …”

PS- A piece of dark fiction I had scribbled on yellowing journal pages eons ago ,which this song reminded me of today ... 



darkblue said...

Nicely mixed the emotions of a bereavement with nature. It somehow reflects a spiritual liberation at the end, a overwhelming feeling of detachments. Like in the movie 'Blue' from 'Three colours trilogy'.

cm chap said...

Very nice... Emotion & Nature as one :) Articulate.

Ram said...

Nostalgia when you talked about the morning rains and inconsolable news right after.

Commendable write up.