i got this analysis on my personality by simply clicking on that picture from a bunch of others..n i think its holy crap! ,but you might be curious to try it out too..jus one thing seemed alrit--free spirited ,i am! Your Personality Profile

You are funky, outdoorsy, and down to earth. While you may not be a total hippie... You're definitely one of the most free spirited people around. You are very impulsive - every day is a new adventure. However, you do put some thought behind all your actions. Still, you do tend to shock and offend people from time to time!

The World's Shortest Personality Test

Last Confession

Tears were fast filling her eyes,blurring the sight before her.The carefully applied mascara getting wet in hot tears.It took just a fraction of a second to turn a soaring heart into a smarting boil.Before the first sobs could break out,and disturb the kissers with its noise,she turned around and ran down the path that lead away from that class room.She frantically wanted to be somewhere where nobody would catch her crying and ask their annoying questions.

[That was my own imagination.The actual diary entry went like this..]

Even now when I try to remember that day,it unfolds before my eyes as though it were really happening right before my eyes.I can see myself standing there at the door to the class,my right hand clutching the edge of the wooden door to keep my knees from giving under me,and my blood running cold like ice.I can still feel the world coming down all around me like a glass wall shattering into a thousand shards..in dead silence !

That evening as I waited beside the railroad track for the train running south, to clear,it seemed to be pulling me towards it with a strange conviction.It would have been glorious to melt into that song roaring thunderously away down south in front of my eyes.

It was pure torture from the start.The first sight ,the falling in love,the longings gnawing away inside me all the while,and now this..and not the least bit of logic in any of it..I would tell my mind that’s why its called love..and a calm voice hiding within me would reply,no.its only that you are losing it…again..

Yes.I was losing it..from the start.I saw you first in a dream during my drug induced sleep one and a half years ago.I had just joined college then and didn’t know anyone there.I was under medication then.They told me I had a ‘mind condition’..a polite way of saying –depression. Of course, it could be cured completely,I only had to take the drugs regularly and let my mind rest.It could have been my mind playing games with me,but when I saw you the next day ,I couldn’t believe my eyes.It was the sound of your laughter,boyish and strong,that drew my mind away from me and towards you.I never let you know that I waited by the path you tread every morning to catch a glimpse.Neither did you know that I talked about you to the trees that bloomed only to make me happy.In the evenings when everyone had left,I would sneak into your class,lie face down on your desk and murmur into it endlessly…..I wanted it to pass on my words to you..Those words of mine didn’t reach you,they failed me and you never knew…Then how did you find your way into my dreams..every one of my dreams..?..that couldn’t have been the mischief of the drugs ,or could it?did you ever even know me?do you know what my name is?or I am the crackhead with no friends and reading all the while,for you too?i think ,now you have answered me .. without looking this way even once..but,i don’t want to know..just hold on to silence like I have done all my life,I will take that rather than an answer.

…

So read a soggy scrap of paper recovered from her person later on :-

I will stand in this rain and let the cold seep into my bones,till I lose consciousness ,if that will make you see..but I will not utter a word..i will drown my voice in silence..and listen for the least flutter in the air if that will tell me you were coming this way..but I will not speak when you can hear me..i will wait for my longings to quiver and become vibrations that travel in the light air until they reach you and touch your skin..know it when it rains hard and the air chills your skin,I am drenching my dreams in the merciless rain..that the rainwater is seeping in through the slit of an open vein and diluting my blood ,that the blue moon smiles in the pool of dirty blood that leaves me now,that two dreamy eyes are twinkling merrily still thinking of you…

Deathly Suspense



Will Harry die??I am consumed by that one thought..as so many others round the world will be,this morn..I hope he lives..

Jobless in the middle of midnight

Disclaimer :-Reading this will not enrich you in any way .The title of the post means exactly what it says!!

The gurgle of a child’s laughter between its high-pitched squeals as it calls out ‘ma..’.Its coming from the second storey of the house yonder to my left, from the window underneath the stair-case .Somewhere else I hear the sound of running water, and my sky(I fancy the bit of sky overhead belongs to me, constantly ,even while I am moving…)rumbles as a giant metal-and-glass bird ,called air-plane ,crawls across its fore-head ,invisible to me ,hidden among the layers of blackness .Crickets sing their crazy song , rejuvenated by the rain that accompanied the dusk today .The air shivers with cold ,its the rain you know..Everything is wet ,the earth ,my court-yard ,even this wall against which I rest my feet .But the rain stopped showing off with the dusk’s passage into night-solemn ,melancholy night .Another one thunders past overhead ,this time ,faster and louder .I guess I get to see/hear these planes at least once an hour ,sometimes even every thirty minutes .Its good whetting of curiosity for a plane-watcher(‘metal-n-glass bird’-watcher).

Some very cat-like noises float in from nowhere .Must be the smart-cat which has been sneaking into my balcony .We have been having a stand-off between us for the last two days ,and the tension is only building .I detect a growing nonchalance in its feline-ly graceful stride .Just the other day when I did a half-hearted ,cowardly ,’shooing-off’ act ,it gave me one chiller of a look .It just lowered its neck an inch ,puckered its eyebrows(I saw eyebrows ,swear-to god I did!)and gave me a long and hard stare ,as though to say ,’try me ,hothead’ .But it left peacefully enough..I too let it off at that.(Come off it baby ,what’s with the cat’s stuff ?Its just a cat)..oh yeah,its just a cat..!I hope curiosity kills it!

Its grown quite silent and dark now .The sky is a clear star spangled play-ground .All lights are out except here .Ofcourse ,people have stuff to do and places to go and some purpose to wake up to .Not everybody is as jobless as I am …….in the middle of midnight..

Goodnight..

ps..heyyy!!my visitors' counter crossed 100!!(i dreaded it never would!!)

Nobody deserves to be hated.........,or thrashed;least of all a child for his seeming shortcomings.For all you know,he might be really good at other things.And nobody is worthless........please,nobody is worthless........

THE BITCH

Issued in public interest:Do not read this one.Its heartless.

What is it that comes to your mind when you hear that word ..’bitch’?I can guess that picture that has already flashed in your mind. So you are prepared with an answer to my question ,right?

Well then, read on…

Last week,I saw something and since then, my personal definition of that word has changed..I had been to my college after two weeks of nothing-to-do at home,my exams were all over and I was leaving college..so I had gone to get the papers ready.The cutting off of the umbilical chord between me and my alma-mater,I thought. I was there to apply for my TC.There were old friends standing around under the bamboo cluster,comparing their application forms and chatting up on those two weeks of separation .I was seated among them in the shade underneath ,feigning to fill my friend’s autograph book and blabbering along.Now,there is this family of dogs (no,not a pack!......atleast not for me!) that roams the campus,a bitch and its tiny puppies..all rusty brown colour with a nose that made them look like the cute ‘hutch’ puppy,as I called them.I had wanted all along to click a photo of theirs,I had the exact picture in mind,a close-up of their face with those big honey eyes staring..And they were lounging near-by just then..(ughh...i don’t wanna write this……)

Suddenly, there was a shriek from my right-side.When I turned I saw a puppy turned on its back beating all four of its legs furiously!A car was braked suddenly, just inches from it;the brake-lights glaring!A few seconds passed in stunned silence..and the bitch started barking dazedly at the car,which sped off as the barking grew louder.I covered my eyes with my hands and crouching low,put my head between my knees to deafen my ears to the angry barks..people from the nearby building came out hearing the commotion..they wore a numbed expression,eyes straining at the barking dog..and murmuring ,’mahapaapam!’,’kashtam!’..

All the other pups had run away scared and whimpering.Only the bitch and the run-over puppy remained.The puppy had stopped beating by now,turned on its side,its head now covered in running blood.When I raised my head again to steal a glance,she was licking the puppy all over its head!Covering,I let out a yelp..my stomach felt knotted..I got up and walked away as fast as I could.

It must have been half an hour since it happened,when we had to come by again as it was the road leading to the college gate,and we were ready to leave. The dead pup had been removed .The crowd had also broken,and there was no one left except that mother-dog(I can’t say bitch anymore),now joined by the other pups which had all come back to her and were now pressing against her... It was sniffing the way that the car had gone,but not being able to find the trail,was lurching dazedly hither-tither followed by the other pups jumping at her face and sides.The dog itself looked oblivious and was tottering round and round……too lost to whimper ,even…

Did I say ‘cutting off of the umbilical chord’,somewhere……?

Note:I feel sick after writing this.Unseen hands move my fingers tonight,and I yield unwillingly to that hand,for I feel that but for me,you will always have that same picture flash in your memory whenever you come across that word,’bitch’..

My Best Friend

‘chookar mere mann ko

kiya thoone kya ishaara..’

What did u do to me,my love….

Oops sorry ,this is no love story. .this one is on ma best mate ,life time best friend!!
She is called aishu,( ohhhhh yes baby ,u r still the one!)
No ,I don’t intend to lavish praise on her, I have already done that in her orkut profile.
I will just tell you how we met and then became best pals.

It was in 1999,when we were in the 9^th class together ,two out and out ,outrageous 13 year olds. .that was when we became friends ending our word-fights and general dislike of the last two years! !She used to be a (filthy ..hehe!!) class representative and rule over us soo. .I remember how, along with two other friends of mine, I had tried to ruin some fashion-show practice of hers for some school day thing! Fashion-show by 8^th graders!(12 year olds.. haha.. man, u were the limits then, still is!)and then one day ,in the following year during some free period, I sang in front of a totally unsuspecting class of 45 girls..(I didn’t sing, they made me!!)Somehow that fateful day, I had ended up sitting at the end of the first row right next to her, and she pushed me off the bench when the teacher had asked, ’Who will sing a song now?’(poor me..)and I sang.. and she fell head over heels for me!!!(eewwwww that’s bloody mushy romantic..)

‘I am born again, I feel free ,no longer alone…’ from BoneyM did the trick!

And we became best mates!!

That song even got me a fan …( bragging rights reserved!)

For the next two years we simply rocked that school. We skipped the morning assembly and attended the prayer sessions in the fairy-tale chapel of ours, which was meant for the Christian students. Our hindu roots did not interfere with those cozy morning prayers ,away from the glaring sun of the school grounds where the assembly was usually held. Ofcourse we were good students in the class, just that she would sit with her head 180 degrees turned towards me, myself being seated just behind her. Come lunch break ,and we would roam the sprawling school premises, till we had been to every favourite spot and satisfied ourselves that everything was indeed fine.Oh! Those trees that we climbed and those walls that we scaled!

She would draw my pictures(bad ones),she would bring me stuff to eat(yummy those ..),and some other times, flowers stolen from the flower vase at her home!! Those days I had two library memberships at the school library, one of my own and the other one ,hers!(lucky me..)she didn’t read much of those books, but could be seen bragging about the books I had read! I am guilty of one thing though ,I used to bore her endlessly with prattle about my favourite movies, no wonder she wrote in my autograph book that the one thing she hated was my narration of English movie tales. But we both loved Terminator2 and exchanged innumerable ‘Astalavista babe’s..

I thought I was the more sensible of the two, but it was she who made me understand how vain it was to fall and be in love with Prince William! At that point of time, I had my mind made up on him.. but for her ,I would never have gotten over him nor looked at another man!(13 year olds!!)But we were the both of us together in love with Nick Carter of Backstreet Boys, and fought endlessly over him..

Apart from the age-related-silly-syndrome that both of us suffered from, she was the sounding board for all my fantastic ideas, and wild dreams. We had huge plans for our lives, oh yes.. magnificent life plans.. we had decided then ,that once we grew up ,

1. We would go on a world tour

2.I will still marry Prince William ,if that was possible

3.and she ,Nick Carter

4.The children would go to school together,and be thick friends like us.

5.She would become a rock star(Madonna??),and me a geeky freak like the villain in Golden Eyes.

6.We wanted to be cheer leaders for a while,but she scared me out of it!

And the list goes on forever, really.

Tragedy strikes:

Promptly after we had finished school, my best friend left for London, leaving me alone here.I was so used to her and her loving ways, I tried searching for an equivalent soul-mate around me. But it was useless ofcourse, there never was anyone quite like her again.For some time after she left, I missed her sooo badly that I would get up from my bed in the night, and write furiously about her in my diary..I have still got those emotional diary entries with me.. neither did I allow anybody to get that close to me again..I don’t know, friendship just wasn’t that colourful without her..

Even all these years later, when I was a bundle of sorrows just a few months ago, my best friend was there to help me through…I guess even if don’t talk or stay in touch directly, the souls have a way of knowing when the other is in need..

So here is this post, dedicated to my life-long best friend.. long live friendship!!

Ps:

you loved and pampered me so much ,

Those days I had a feeling, that I was blessed specially!

Lovya always..XX