Thursday, August 15, 2013

Movie Review : Neelakasham Pachakadal Chuvanna Bhoomi



Movie  : Neelakasham Pachakadal Chuvanna Bhoomi

Direction : Sameer Thahir
Cast : Dulquer Salmaan ,Sunny Wayne ,Surja Bala ,Dhritiman Chatterjee ,Joy Mathew
Rating  -  3.5/5

*Spoiler Alert


Neelakasham Pachakadal Chuvanna Bhoomi” is an imaginatively titled movie , Neelakasham depicting the start of the road trip , Pachakadal - the Puri sojourn and Chuvanna Bhoomi alluding to the naxalism and bloodshed in parts of East and North-East India,to the writer’s best guess. But the imagination has not run strong through the entirety of the script leaving it jaded in places and the end result is a watered down naadan version of  “The Motorcycle Diaries”. It’s a road trip movie braided together with the twines of love and friendship , interspersed with beads of unrelated anecdotes, each one shining with insight. Hashir Mohamed’s script though has a jagged ending, under developed side kick character and an unnecessary, unexplained murder in it. An intellectually subpar second fiddle who openly idolises the hero’s machismo looks less like male friendship and more like gay behaviour.  A good actor looked sadly wasted in such a stunted role.


The dialogue department has delivered a generous sprinkling of catchy one-liners like “My fate is my decisions”, that are sure to resonate with the audience. Delivered in Dulquer’s  baritone voice ,which seems to have got industry wide acceptance going by its repeated use in voice-overs in most of his recent movie outings , they entertain . Rex Vijayan’s music is lilting and jells with the movie, keeping the tempo upbeat through out.  The absolute delight of the movie is in its cinematography – Gireesh Gangadharan excites us with his visual treat of the rider and his bike in full glory! The bliss of wanderlust explodes beautifully onto the screen through his camera‘s lens-work. The goodness of the movie is topped off by expected yet commendable acting performances by Dulquer Salman and Sunny Wayne and the delicate beauty of Surja Bala .

 

കൈക്കുംബിൾ നീലാകാശം ...കൺമുന്നിൽ കത്തണ ലോകം ... !!!




NOM


The following good movies kept flashing in the writer’s mind while watching this movie:-

The Motorcycle Diaries – the bike and the wanderlust! Che keeps journaling throughout his journey in TMD and Dulquer keeps a very similar looking book handy for his sketches and musings.




SwadesJugaad which has become the rockstar of all things desi started becoming movie center piece material with this one. Couldn’t help chuckling out loud at the scooter-turned-rice-flour-machine for its sweet cockiness.

Into the Wild – That avid reader and adventurer called Chris McCandless came to mind the two times that Dulquer is shown reading a book, but our hero looked oh-so-not-interested in the book ;would someone please relieve him of it!? Did anyone catch the book title by the way? The journaling too repeats here .



On The Road – Nah. That movie was mindless in itself. Jack Kerouac turns in his grave as we speak .His book on idealistic beat generation kids was turned into a road show of irresponsible dunderheads .’Nuff said !



~ Signing off with a  Kerouac quote that drives me insane every single time 

Do yourself a favour . Read Kerouac . 





Edit : The gay reference is in bad taste and I apologize unconditionally. Didn't know any better back in 2013 when the post was first written, but here I am in 2019 making amends , not that I am much better now or anything.  I still complain about the under developed side kick though .

Monday, October 08, 2012

A Day at the Kovalam Lit Fest

The weekend wasn’t looking special devoid of any plans whatsoever, so I let my beauty sleep run its course and then some more ,finally stumbling out of the bed half past nine on Saturday morning. Groggily leafing through the day’s newspaper as I do most days till the sleepy stupor leaves me, I caught sight of the write-up on Kovalam Literary Festival .The 5th annual edition was happening on Oct 6th and 7th and was being held at The Kanakakunnu Palace , a grand old palace originally belonging to the Travancore royalty and now under the Kerala government ,used mostly for exhibitions, seminars and such like these days that stood in the leafy heart of the Trivandrum city .

The stupor gave way to sudden imaginary bulbs glowing above my head as I read the following –
“The two-day event starts at 10 a.m. with human rights activist Binayak Sen delivering the K.C.John Memorial Lecture. ”

“10 a.m.” stood out in bold as I glanced at the clock that said 9:35 and between the time I looked back and forth at the write-up and the clock a couple more times, an exciting train of thoughts had warmed up and was stirring up a racket within my brain , debating between the heavenly pleasures of lazing around on an off-day morn and dashing off to listen to the man I’ve been reading about for a while now. To my surprise , the second option won and with “Binayak Sen” ringing in my mind , I rushed through the morning rituals and was out of the house in no time . Time - 9:55 a.m

“Were the literary people and general intelligentsia sticklers for punctuality? Or were they like politicians who were always late? Since they were always criticising politicians, chances weighed more heavily towards the former.” Thoughts ran amok at 10:15 a.m. while I waited in an auto rickshaw stalled at a traffic light, my own two wheeler being so old and badly out of shape that taking it out was high risk for self and other wayfarers. At the entrance to the palace grounds , the huge gates stood open and my rickshaw winded up its curvy path passing overheard banners that announced the 5th Annual Kovalam Literary Festival ,a bolt of excitement shooting through me – the first event of the sort I was attending! “Will there be real authors ? That’s what the write-up promised “,I thought rubbing my hands in glee.

A TV camera crew sped past in an SUV ,more lined the way and a few people with microphones and coiled wires in their hands stood scattered . As I got out of the auto , I saw important-looking people alighting a white mini-van and talking pleasantly among themselves , none very Indian looking .Hiding any traces of nervousness, I walked to the Multi Purpose Auditorium ,familiar from many college fests ,hoping the all important lecture wouldn’t be over by then. It hadn’t and neither had the proceedings for the day begun at 10.30 a.m. as people milled around patiently, the gathering dominated by news people and I wandered over to the book sellers arranged beside the venue. Tables of neatly stacked books stood gleaming as sunlight bounced of shiny book covers from the huge open windows behind them, manned by polite people wearing official tags. The collection was not huge but had all the titles that had come out recently, was popular and being talked about – in short they were just the thing for a bibliophile with a wish list.

The titles from the ‘Recent’ section of my wishlist jumped out at me and in no time I had quite a stack in my hands .Reminding myself of Flipkart and the handsome discounts they offered , I let go of some of them from my stack and was left with two books I couldn’t bear parting with – the Kerala Literary Academy Award winning Benyamin’s ‘Aadujeevitham’, freshly translated into English under the name ‘Goat Days’ though I bought the Malayalam version and ‘Around India in 80 Trains ‘ by Monisha Rajesh – a brilliant first book by the author who toured India on its rail tracks and brings us a delicious desi travelogue. A beautiful small hardbound pink book titled ‘Rumi’ caught my eye and I was trying hard to suppress my smile reading the beautiful first poem in it when I overheard bits of a conversation from right behind me . A petite small white woman in a frock said in heavy accent ,” I quite love this book’s cover. Isn’t this your new one? And what about this here ? “. A white man in a black kurta with silver hair replied cheerfully ,”No ,not that .But this is mine ,and this is mine and this is mine .. “, pointing to stacks of books of different titles ,the third time pointing to the stack from where I had picked up “Rumi”. I looked at the book cover again . Rumi ? Hardly . The full title of the book read “Rumi:A New Translation” and the author was Farrukh Dhondy !

Presently , there was a tap at the microphone and an announcement that things were about to get started . I moved into the audience section and took up seat where I could get a good view of the stage ,while the auditorium filled up quickly with TV cameras with zoom lens on high tripods ,big microphones, news people with scribble pads, young people who looked like students of literature or journalism ,and stereotypical images of literary people – women in cotton saris with oversized bindis or wearing salwar kameez ,sporting Diana cut and men in long kurtas - fleshy ,gleaming people with sharp eyes and beak nose. I wondered how them who talked about non-conformity and swore by originality, had the same dress sense ,wore chunky jewellery and heavy kohl ,and sported cloth hand bags . Perhaps , lit fests were to authors what red carpet premieres were to actors and they were merely propping themselves up for the viewing pleasure of readers and journalists .

I shifted focus back to the stage as the guests came on the dais for the first event –
Fifth Annual K.C.John Memorial lecture by Dr.Binayak Sen. ‘Are the poor getting poorer’ .In discussion with Ilina Sen and Vrinda Grover .

Dr.Binayak Sen,the human rights activist who worked in the naxal affected areas of Chattisgarh , spoke softly and declared the topic redundant as it was a foregone conclusion and that the real situation in India was that of famine settling in slowly but steadily over the years .He quoted statistics on India’s alarming levels of malnutrition both among children and in the adult population. He also talked about the need for food security and the plight of facing food shortage on the one hand while food rotted away in govt storehouses on the other.He spoke without passion but in an even tone,with supporting facts, like a man of science .He concluded his speech by welcoming the many Israeli writers attending the fest ,but reminded them that the people of Palestine deserved justice.

Ilina Sen ,his wife and an academic who currently heads the Department of Women’s Studies at the Mahatma Gandhi International Hindi University (MGAHV) , spoke next and took the discussion one step further from food security to food sovereignty . She spoke of how the system of producing food in one part , storing somewhere else and then transporting it and delivering it to people in entirely different parts of the country was inefficient and bound to fail . Food sovereignty will enable communities and local populations to meet their food needs themselves and was the way to answering the disturbing shortage of food faced by large parts of the country .She also talked about the abundance of local farming knowledge that indigenous people had which was getting ignored by the authorities in their scramble to promote high yielding seed varieties which demanded high fertilizers and how these traditions needed support and nurturing .

As that informative and socially conscious session came to an end , I hardly had the mind to leave though I was overstaying my own time limits and the next event was announced -
The Evolving Indian Novel : Farrukh Dhondy , Timeri Murari , N.S.Madhavan,Nilanjana Roy , C.P.Surendran .Anchored by Suresh Menon .

There was no delay and the speakers promptly came on stage . After a brief introduction by the anchor , the writers were invited to read from their books to the audience and it started with Nilanjana Roy .The name was familiar to me through the good reviews she had garnered for her first book in The Hindu’s Literary Magazine –‘Wildings’ , a tale on the cats of Nizamuddin in Delhi. A pretty lady with a prettier voice, she read out rather sweetly from her book and the short passage about a cat’s thoughts and description of the settings was interesting. Next to read was Timeri Murari , the author of the much acclaimed ‘The Taliban Cricket Club’ .He preferred to read standing up , adjusting thick glasses and read slowly in heavy British accent like a professor to his students . The protagonist was a girl who had played cricket in India a long time ago and was living in Afghanistan now under the strict Taliban regime- Rukhsana ,the journalist .The Taliban had just announced their decision to promote cricket in Afghanistan and men were going to be screened for it .If they were selected , they woud be sent to Pakistan for proper training and then would have to return to the country to teach cricket at home and also play cricket for Afghanistan’s national team. Women , of course , will not play . The passage ended with Rukshana’s brother Jahan saying that this was their one chance to get out of the country , his cousin mourning ,”But we don’t play” , to which he replies , “We don’t , but she does”. He went back to his chair amid loud applause and I made a mental note to try and get hold of this book.

Next to speak was C.P.Surendran , a dark bespectacled man who reeked of arrogance . He checked with the audience if he could be heard properly and complained that he hadn’t been able to hear any of the previous readings . He announced he was known for causing offence to other people, the passage he was going to read might offend and to just “put up with it”. In his mind, he must be the high priest of the unsung art of offensiveness,I thought . I did not catch the title of the book but the passage was of a drunk woman getting raped in a local train by a drunk man . The very act tottered between consensual and forced as the woman was drunk and even when she protested, her protests were not strong enough for the man to need to apply any extra effort on his part . The passage went into a detailed description of the organs involved, the sequence of unfurling of events ,the sounds and sensations , and brought to life a very graphic depiction of the scene. He must have expected the audience to shift uncomfortably in their seats at the brazenness, but as I looked around, people hardly batted their eye lids, leave alone look ashamed . Defeated , he retreated .

Farrukh Dhondy took up stage next but was unarmed with any of his books , so he expounded on ‘Evolution of Indian Novel‘ and opined that too much was getting written and published because of the mad race among publishers and novel in India was becoming something akin to Bollywood. N.S.Madhavan continued insightfully about the same subject and said that the medium of novels was dying a slow but natural death .He compared the novels at the beginning of their evolution to the current ones , saying the early ones which included Russian literary novels where treasure houses of the authors’ original thoughts and how this was replaced by mere conversation and no grand thoughts in today’s novels. He also made another interesting comparison between writing in regional languages and Indian writing in English – In the entire Malayalam section of the Trivandrum Central Library , there would be hardly two coconut trees but in Roy’s ‘God of Small Things’ ,there would be ten coconut trees every twelve pages – he observed. By far, N.S.Madhavan had been the most riveting speaker and garnered the loudest applause from the audience .

While the readings were underway , I had noticed a skinny dark girl wearing a delegate tag .She looked familiar but there was no way to find out who she was. I checked my copy of ‘Around India in 80 Trains‘ for the author’s picture to confirm my suspicion , but the book did not have one .The proceedings on stage had pulled my attention back and I left it at that .Promptly after N.S.Madhavan’s talk , I gathered my stuff and hurried out ,having over stayed by an hour and a half and headed home .’Aadujeevitham‘ being prised out of my possession by a very relentless dad , I settled down with the second new buy of the day and boy , was I absorbed ! Monisha Rajesh had written a sparkling, witty travelogue riding the Indian railways, good naturedly pointing out India’s idiosyncrasies with delicate understanding . On Sunday night I casually googled the book , by now addicted to it , and the results threw up the familiar face of the dark girl again ,whose firsthand account was more like a girl friend’s narration of her travel tales to me now. Whether to throw up my hands in desperation over the missed opportunity of getting a much-loved book signed by its much-loved author ,or smile contently at getting the opportunity of at least spotting an author for the first time ever in my life – I still do not know !


PS: Monish Rajesh , your first book is an absolute blast . It’s a must-read , people !

Friday, July 20, 2012

SHADOW

I walked hurriedly into the alley, a large brick wall rising high in front of me. Maybe I wouldn’t be followed in here .But was this a dead end? I kept walking towards the wall, every cell in me alert to pick up the slightest of sounds in the vicinity .The half moon and many clouds of the night sky cast an eerie blue light everywhere and in the absence of streetlights, I had to scrunch my eyes and peer into this low light .Suddenly a long shadow appeared on the wall from behind, growing bigger with each step. I had definitely not lost the tail.

I broke into a run, footsteps echoing everywhere. Damn! The noise was definitely going to give me away. The alley turned left just in front of the wall and I sprinted into it headlong. I ran out into an open desert, sand shimmering in the noon sun and a stark blue cloudless sky hanging low overhead. Panting , I ran into the expanse , every foot fall sending a shower of sand behind me .Cacti and sparse vegetation was strewn around and low mountains seemed to rise at the horizon or was it a mirage ?An  illusion played on my tired eyes by the cruel desert? A cliff appeared in front of me and I took cover among its rocky folds, my heaving chest breathing hard. Footsteps were behind me now! Slapping my mouth shut, I worked my way around the rocks in the other direction noiselessly. Sweat flowed onto my face as I retraced my tracks in the sand .The tracks! They had betrayed me to her! But what did she want? Following me but never approaching… always staying at an arm’s distance but never backing off. Thoughts flying wild in my mind, I stumbled and fell down but picked myself up quickly and continued running, tears of frustration mixing and flowing down my cheeks and neck.

I ran back into the alley. There were metal ladders attached to the side walls which probably were fire exits from the building. I climbed up one of them up frantically, not once glancing down but kept climbing higher and higher whilst echoes of running feet ricocheted off the alley walls. I tumbled through a large open window into a long hall that ran the entire length of the building. It was white and Narnian! The floor was covered in snow and tall pine trees, their branches blanketed in snow, rose towards the high ceiling. Powdery flakes of snow floated down slowly from nowhere up above and invisible bells chimed. I took care to hide my tracks this time .Walking backwards, I carefully ruffled the snow and covered my tracks one foot step at a time. Reaching a bush covered in snow, I hid behind it shivering in the cold, sweat already beginning to crystallize on my skin. It seemed like an eternity when I opened my eyes though it was probably just a minute. Snow had settled on my eye lashes. I felt a shooting pain on my face where ice had formed in a thin line where my tears had flowed just a while ago. I patted my cheeks dry and started crawling through the snow floor not waiting for any signs of her approach. Climbing over another window, I rolled onto a corridor with wooden flooring, evening sun glaring off its polished surface through a giant window at the far end. There might not be a ladder outside that window , so I started backing away from it  .Towards the other end of the corridor was a  narrow stairway and I flew down them  jumping across 2,4, 6 steps in my flight. Several landings later I heard a second set of footsteps at the top of the stairs and I doubled my speed down the darkness. Reaching the ground floor, I ran into the open and got in a cab that was just pulling away crying, “Go, go, go”.

I got off the cab at the water falls. I figured the place would be swamped with tourists and that I’d be safe in a crowd. Surely enough, the water front was a sea of colours of brightly dressed people … orange caps and purple bags, red balloons and white frilly frocks. I spotted and picked up a cheap yellow sunglass from the floor, obviously a child’s toy, and put it on turning the whole world yellow. Throwing anxious glances backwards and taking care to stay out of clearances, I was weaving my way through the crowd when I bumped into a kid. Just a toddler, he fell into a sitting position from the impact whilst a multihued ball that he had in his hand bounced away. I quickly caught it and returned it to its young owner all the while rasping breathlessly to him,’”I’m sorry …I’m sorry …I’m sorry “. He just stared at me open mouthed .I got away from the kid on all fours through the crowd when I suddenly reached the iron railing overlooking the water falls. Water cascaded down over the edge like someone was emptying bucketfuls of blue ink from just beyond our line of sight.

Walking along the railing I reached a flight of steps that led into an underpass. The crowded scene was suffocating me and I suddenly wanted to escape this overbearing human presence. I took the stairs in two, and walking down I felt the whole underground tremble as a train passed overhead. As the handrails rattled and the air rumbled, I stopped for a second; eyes closed and felt the vibration passing through my body. I reasoned there had to be a train station nearby and headed out in search of it. The train I got into was filled with people and their ubiquitous earphones, so I stood leaning against a wall, swaying with the train’s rhythm. Tears flew freely from my eyes now as I sniffed and wiped them at my shirt sleeve. How did this happen to me? How did I let this happen? I thought I was intelligent and had it all figured. But it’s been months now. I had shifted from my cosy apartment to a dingy one hoping to wipe the trail clean, but she had surfaced again. I’d been found out; exposed. What was going to happen to me now? I looked around frantically for answers, choking on my own tears but people hardly noticed. . ‘A plan ... a plan ... I need a plan. That’s what I need. I can do this. I am a smart woman. Focus .Focus. Make a plan..! OK. I will run again .Pick up from where I left and make a dash for it. I will head home right away, get my stuff, draw all my cash and be gone...For good .That will be my plan’. . I calmed down somewhat and punched the air with balled fists – ‘That will be my plan!’

I walked around my room, throwing in clothes and other essentials into a rucksack .The getaway had to be fast .Next stop will be the bank and then I will be gone. Vanish .Disappear. Tying the strings of the rucksack shut, I walked out the door. It was when I turned around to take one last look that I saw it. The bag dropped from my hand and I started screaming.”She’s here too! I can’t lose her and I have been trying for months... She just won’t go away... what do you want from me??? What the hell do you want from me???” I was hollering and crying abuses in the hallway, backing away from the door and hitting the opposite wall. People from nearby apartments came running and milled all around me. I doubled over and fell to my knees shouting like a mad woman now. I felt hands patting my shoulders and smoothing my hair in failed attempts to console my deranged mind but I only kept crying out loud.

Faces peered into mine, trying to decipher my incoherent rants.”What are you talking about? Who are you looking at? “


And the faces that looked at me froze in a confounded daze.


Far away, Mrs Carter turned around in surprise. Did she just see the shadow of her small outstretched hand trying to grab the coffee mug on the table, drum against it with bony fingers and long pointed fingernails?


In the children’s park , little Emma thought it was funny how her shadow seemed to have sprouted a tiny impish tail in the last two days .Not that she would mention it to anyone . It was her secret!


Sean couldn’t believe the hawkish nose that he saw in his shadow .How could the light play that same trick all the time?


“What??” they gasped.



“My shadow… My goddamn shadow. That b**ch ….! “

Wednesday, July 11, 2012

Good Things Come In Small Packages

They walked along side by side, feet falling in rhythm, trudging along the familiar path which leads the way home .Evening sun bounced off the paved road making it look like spilt orange juice, the gentle breeze tugging at their shirt collars. An interesting conversation seemed to be under way from the animated gestures of the shorter one, the taller one nodding along. It was the second time I was chancing upon the duo on the same street .On one of those rare days that I got off work by the first bus home, I choose to walk home from my stop - a 30 min walk. I had spotted the interesting pair on one of my evening strolls home. I noticed it again today – the burden of the little travellers seemed to be shouldered by the taller one. He wore a big school bag across both shoulders and then a smaller one on top of it, lunch bag hanging lazily from one hand. His free arm wound protectively over the smaller kid, burden-less and talking excitedly oblivious to the surroundings, while the elder one kept an eye out. I had now caught up to them from behind , walking on the other side of the road .Shameless eavesdropping brought tidbits of their chatter to me – long tales from school ! Unable to contain my curiosity any longer I turned and took a sly look at the brothers .A picture perfect post card of childhood! Stealing my glance away I walked on beaming to myself, a warm fuzzy feeling spreading within whilst their ramble continued undisturbed – “and then you know what he said?”. “Hm ...? “ .
 
 

Sunday, April 01, 2012

I Miss You ...

If you ever do miss someone , you have to miss them like in this song..till the longing becomes a rain ,each drop heavy on the skin , soaking every layer in the soul , arresting time's flight , memories flooding from times gone by and washing you away ,making you lose all your bearings , miss them so hard ,so much that when your heart pounds in desperation the vibrations traverse the world to them , and in a sudden moment in between all the pointless madness of life they suddenly gasp as your name occurrs in their mind , opening an invisible passage through which will rush the the waters of flooding memories from your mind to theirs and then ... they miss you back !
-Anon [For fear of being labelled a romantic]

Monday, February 20, 2012

Perfidious one, Goodbye


Just two days ago, he had left me for another girl.  I had been a mere passing fancy .All around me, my world was crashing. That night, I sat staring at the sky like I so often did, only this time it was not a lovely azure sky or a dreamy gaze … it was an ink black night and a fixed hollow stare. Not a soul stirred in the world outside the bay windows, nor within. Summer heat was suffocating the air and along with it the darkness made a cemetery of my bedroom. A power failure was on and the time must have been well past midnight; I had lost touch altogether, for everything was still as if dead.

Clinging to the iron bars, there I sat at the window sill that looked south upon the face of the sky  marked by coconut tree tops. Drenched in sweat and fists clenched white, I heaved at the night air through the only window pane that was open. Not a muscle in my body moved, the eye lids refused to bat. The shock was enough to put my life on ventilator- I could hardly breathe. I sat with a body that had gone limp . But I could sense the brain work furiously .What was I thinking? Was it the deceit or the heartlessness that so broke me?

All that was yesterday ; today seems slightly better .The moonless dead sky made as if to wink at me through its starry eyes, like those eyes had done once upon a time. I don’t know about the stars but the moon knew…I had told the moon myself of my dreams… dreams inspired by his beautiful deep eyes. What were to become of those? Why does it all seem like such a long time ago though it had been just two days? I should say my mind took it remarkably well, oh it took a lot of courage .For today, he is on ventilator .Right now, in the dead of this summer’s night, he is battling for his life .There would be so much chaos surrounding him when he lies there half-asleep, only he wouldn’t know. I did what I could, the rest I shall leave to fate .He may come back alive, but still...I hope…he goes… tonight...

It was raining hard when I woke up in the morning .I love morning showers and this one had come after testing times of dry heat. The sunlight and rain mixed and danced at my windows, now all open, and gently sprayed on my face waking me up. That morning, soaking in the scene of this world getting cleansed by heavenly rain , the world regained a semblance of what it should be – truthful and righteous. 

The sleep had been rather fitful – throughout the night I kept hearing murmurs, waking with a start every now and then giving me a bad head ache, but now nature was consoling me. The moist air cooled the heat in my mind, the sight of water flowing everywhere soothed my eyes, and I don’t know why but they started flowing too. I rose and took up seat at the window sill again leaning my head against the iron bars, and gazed at the sky with tearful eyes. The rain drenched me and the wind stuck strands of wet hair against my face.

The world was washed and dripping from head to toe like someone preparing to do the last rites of a dead man. The leaves on the tree tops drooped, like his head would have hung, in sorrow. An unexplainable sense of gloom had started rising in me, the seeping in of the first grains of emotion since the breakup .Then, a hand gently touched me, and said, “You have to be brave to hear this …”

PS- A piece of dark fiction I had scribbled on yellowing journal pages eons ago ,which this song reminded me of today ... 

 

Friday, November 04, 2011

Quarter Life Crisis

The fourth anniversary of my  joining an IT behemoth was a few days back , Oct 29th to be precise. I am a dimwit when it comes to numbers and dates and have trouble remembering important dates like birthdays and anniversaries ,but try as I might this date is stuck in my head . Its been a bitter sweet 4 long years and I can't say I feel the way I did on my second anniversary . So I take a moment to pause and analyze why . 

Its all too common to find people complaining about their worklives and blogosphere itself is inundated by these hate posts .Suffice it to say that I have a mountain of complaints,frustrations and worries myself which I want to let out too .Important question is , what can be done about this ? Hmm .. I'm stumped . 

Mid life crisis has been in popular parlance for a while now but the latest one is the quarter life crisis . May be that's what's happening .Maybe I need a job change ....or a career change itself . Its prolly time to go back to acads ... or get married and sit at home for good .. There are so many girls who do that cos they can't stand the ordeal anymore , people who were good at studies and wanted careers for themselves .. so whats the way out ?? I dunno .. But I think all people who consider themselves hit by this particular malaise should put their heads together to find the solution . Maybe something might come out of it and actually fix the problem .Ah,wishful thinking ! 

Many of you would suggest ,go follow your dream . This implies that you actually know a course of action to realise your dream which you are consciously resisting for whatever reasons . If that's the case, you ought to be kicked on your behind and be made to see sense. There are other poor souls ,like me , who have financially or otherwise unviable areas of interests - like the creative fields,literature in my particular case. These could be followed as hobbies , but unimaginative workplaces can kill the passion and stoke stress , which is why I can't wait to escape ..only I don't know where to . I would have just shut up and told myself to sort out my problems on my own instead of blogging about it , had I not seen and heard so many other people going through the same problem. Looks to me like some disease that's infecting a lot of people of my generation .

 I have a lot of questions but no answers . But I have this to say to the generation coming after us . If there is some subject you really love in school , go on to college and learn it .Because if you go to one of those run-of-the mill engineering colleges , you will end up with a neatly paying IT job , but you will always keep wanting to go back in time and undo that damned day when you told your parents ,"Alrit people , I will do engineering ok .. now get off me ! " . Pursuing a subject of your liking only can help you realize your true potential and keep you interested in your work ,and remember you will have to work for most parts of your life . I now know that the pursuit of your interests ,no matter how unattractive it may look in terms of money or opportunity, can be quite rewarding . I know this from my younger brother who is learning Physics and I see him spend so much of his time reading books on physics ,talking about the subject and spending All of his hard earned money [he takes tuition for a +2 kid] buying up books .He talks about some uber cool experiments he gets to do as part of his course project and its been an eye opener for me in terms how cool research work really is .. and its all happening right here in Trivandrum . I can see how his interest is leading him on in his pursuit and it is such a pursuit that so many of us covet . My bro's no geek by the way , just followed his passion is all . 

Its very simple really . If there's something you are good at , that Is your pursuit . 

Now if only I could find a way to go back and learn literature !

Anybody knows time travel here ??

Tuesday, October 25, 2011

Grey ,Rainy Grey ...


It’s a white rainy day today . Right now there’s a brief lull and everything is white – the sky is chock-a-block with gigantic white clouds and all the water puddles and glass high rises are reflecting it .For a bit , you can even imagine it being Narnia with its perpetual winter . The drizzle murmured through the windows as we rode the morning bus to office, its moist breath against the panes condensing into tiny water rivulets that flowed happily along the roof and across the glass. The air is all wet and cold making noses quiver and people sniff away .

 But yesterday ,it was totally grey . In the afternoon ,the rain flew into quite a rage ,roaring outside the house and coming down at us in a loud barrage . It seemed quite angry throwing down its might on the brown earth and the greenery , that the trees and plants seemed to shake under its weight . It drummed against the asbestos sheet roof of the neighbour’s house rhythmically ,the volume waxing to a crescendo and waning a little before peaking again like a war cry . The behavior seemed quite out of place for someone who was whispering sweet nothings to a dazed me through the bedside window just this morning ; wonder what set it off … and wondering , I wandered around the house, its insides all grey since the rain was not allowing even a stray ray of sunlight inside . 



The mother cat and its very new-born kittens lay in a large wooden box outside the house in the car porch . There were four kittens and they really looked just like loafs of meat with their raw skins not yet covered with fur . The white cat had been straying ,totally pregnant and looking for some place to give birth and it chose our house to do the honours. That was five days ago and now the cat family was happily cuddled up together in its box home when the rain went mad all of a sudden . So I opened the door and leaned out of the verandah cooing into the box, “All ok guys ?” .She looked back at me with her green eyes unblinking , as round as saucer pans . Of course they were okay , they were underneath her and busy feeding themselves ..so I let them be ..I’m sure she values her privacy a lot . But hey , she doesn’t give two hoots about our privacy and walks right in like she always lived here . So I told her to just stay there in the porch and to call out or just meow when she was hungry and we will try and find something for her to eat and Bring it outside to her .. Cat , you can’t just walk into the house and raid our fridge ..cats are not allowed to do that . Well, I don’t think she listens to me anyways . Sigh .. 



On our terrace , rows of clothes hung out to dry in the sun , lay limp and helpless on the clotheslines soaking in the rain . The rain happened so suddenly that by the time I had raced to the terrace , the water was already running through the clothes and I just stayed there at the door and watched. A layer of water collected on the terrace floor and flowed towards the pipe that took the water down to the ground. Fist sized raindrops fell on the water ,splashed and rose in the air scattering in all directions , whirled like a flamenco dancer and fell back on the floor ending its brief dance . I watched the rain drops dance for a while and sauntered off to watch the rain from each and every one of our windows and doors while the foamy air pressed in on me . The rain was coming down in sheets of water like someone had placed us in a basin and was pouring mug fulls of water on us ,the thunders like the reprimands to a kid to stand still while being given a bath.

 It must have been evening by the time the rain died down ,but by the time the sun had also gone down and it indeed was a dark grey rainy day for the most parts of it . 

PS: I am saying No to crackers this Diwali because : 

1.I think I may have grown up after all for that
2.The environmental pollution , the smoke and the noise … uff !
3.It scares the poor animals ,including strays . Read how it kills strays in thousands ,here


Friday, September 23, 2011

Beautiful Stranger

I had gone out to my second floor balcony one evening few days ago , when I met this handsome guy there .He was perched on a bunch of flowers and looked quite majestic in his ruby red body colour.


                                                           This guy came visiting ...

Check out his tender wings




And face from another angle ..


                                        


Initially I tried with the balcony light on and flash,but the pics didn’t look right . So I switched off the balcony light which seemed to be more hindrance than help and clicked this one before turning the  flash on. Can you spot the silhouette?


                                                                  Silhoutte
The rest of the shots were shot in pitch darkness , pointing and clicking at the stud .My fears that I may lose him any instant turned out to be misplaced as he was  absolutely unruffled by all the attention and the blinding flash lights upon him. Going by the good looks,  he must be used to girls swooning over him ! ;)
                                                           I can see ya ..

Clicking in the dark with nothing but a guess of what actually the lens was seeing was fun .So I clicked these beauties as well to see what they would look like. Turns out , they are attractive any time!



Monday, September 12, 2011

Friends


Friends are actually marvellous things, ain't it ?

One to discuss the world and its afairs with
One for the times when I need pep-talk and encouragement
One to wallow about the slime pool that my life resembles now
One to go gaga over movies and old hindi music over
One to share the girl woes with
One for the fun times and merry making
One to share the ,'I only talk like this, but I'm not such a witch' attitude with .
One to fret over weight loss with
One to just send and receive kisses and hugs over facebook ..

So many ... I just don't tell this to them but I like all of them so much !They have a way of making life so so much easier to handle ... Like right now , I am looking for the pep-talk one cos I'm all jittery for reasons that cannot be disclosed here and no, whatever you assume is not that reason ! But she's off on a week long vacation :-( Oh well , her absence did make me mull over how amazing these people are .. and hoping this post would relieve the tension somewhat ..

Saturday, July 23, 2011

It All Ends - HP 7 movie review

*Spoiler Alert *




The HP movie adaptation, as always, does not live up to the book . I still remember the wait for the book release of the last and final episode -HP and The Deathly Hallows - how the wait was driving all of us HP fans, including myself ,insane. There were Orkut communities of those who were pulling their hairs out in anticipation and people spawning their own versions with tons of followers for these stories too. On the whole, those were pretty exciting times for an HP fan. The night before the actual book release was a sleepless one and the book was devoured in a single sitting spanning hours and hours of non-stop reading..Mind you , the book was a pretty huge one ,but that was hardly a deterrent. For all the wait and anticipation , the book turned out to be a brilliant finale tying up all the loose ends tidily and giving us ,all the drama and adventure we could ask for. Undoubtedly, JK Rowling did give us the best ending possible to the most favourite magic tale of our times beating all the clones hands down and were we satiated !

The movie labours to be , but still is, a far cry from anything that the book conjured up so easily .If anything ,for an HP fan the movie is just a reminder of the book reading experience, since its been a while since the book was read. The movie does start off pretty well ,but loses its grip on the audience as it progresses. On two occasions towards the end I turned around to the back wondering if they had cut off the sound - there was no background music and it was glaring ! Whatever effect they intended out of the heavy silence ,just did not work. The end scenes after the victory looks like plain lazy direction .Did they forget to put some awesome music in the background and mutual back slapping scenes to drive in the sense of victory and relief? To me , the actors looked like they had just come out of a boring movie! "Its over" ,"Yea right" sort-of !
Personally ,I had hoped they would leave out the very end portion of the story ,but they wouldn't spare us even that .Frankly, the 21 year old actors looked like they were participating for one of our school fancy dress competitions when they appeared as their older selves.

I would still say , thanks for the movie adaptation .Sometime in the future when I want to go back and get a dose of the HP adventure once again , I may watch the movies if I don't have time to read the books all over again. I would also add ,not all of the movie episodes were below par , some of them were actually good .The credit and admiration though goes to JK Rowling, for her incredible imagination that has created this stunning tale and I'm sure legions of HP fans around the world are thankful for the magical experience she has steeped us in . Sadly , it all ends like all good things are destined to be .

Signed
A true blue HP fan !

Wednesday, July 13, 2011

The Dream

Blood smeared , guts splayed
I lay with a gaping hole
Where the heart had been,
Wrenched open and emptied
Of that gift I was born with,
Unburdened of that dream,
My only reason for existence .


Like a rag doll ,my body lay sprawled,
The last of the shrieks silent on the lips .
Lifeless ,eyes wide open,
And stood over me a shadow
Clutching that dream and shaking with tears,
"Go,I have now relieved you of the pain
Of a dream unfulfilled ",said ,
My shadow to me .


Into a coffin , they placed me
In a room washed in blue, they crowded
And put even more nails on me ,
While the shadow watched from the far corner
Murmuring to the dream in her hands,
"Shouldn't hurt now ....
Those nails had to come ,the pain inevitable
Let life seep out , don't struggle
The struggle cuts it deeper. "


With the last nail, the dream crumbled
Into tiny shards of glass and shined,
Cutting the hands that held them
The way they had been tearing at that heart,
Turned to dust and mixed in the breeze
That blew over the coffin and out of the room,
Into the cold moonless night and a world
Of unforgiving, unfulfilled dreams .

Sunday, June 13, 2010

Back when we were young

Love was when we were young,
You were seventeen and I, sixteen.
That one moment of the first sight
And the denial in every minute that followed

Evading the looks and shutting my ears to your laugh
I told myself day in and out to get a grip
Until my sleepy eyes would open with your face in them
Washed up on the shores of a sea of dreams

Spring had descended upon me to stay
An irrepressible blush playing on unknowing cheeks
And butterflies flitted in the shadows of silky black strands
That waved when memories came in the scented air

A golden vein of frozen words had come to life
Flowing onto every stray scrap and classroom bench
The love gilded my books with poems
And the songs rung in every pal’s ears

On that rainy dusk years ago, on my long walk home
When we were joyous in the festival of lights
Soft lights had lighted up my way and it was then
I still remember, the air had quivered with your invisible presence

Our paths though had to part forever
And the day came when, under the cherry tree we bade goodbye
My blistered heart thirsted for solace and in vain
I traced your footsteps to catch at least a glimpse.

Years have passed by and we have grown in age and apart
No more do I pine for a comeback, now hopeless
I wish we never cross paths again, for it may be sadder still
If we stand yet again eyes locked, and the rose petals don’t shower

Because my pain, my love
The wide eyed girl and a shy smiling boy are lost forever
And all the love was back then, when we were young,
You were seventeen and I, sixteen.

Sunday, May 30, 2010

Things To Do Before I Die - Notes to myself



1.Be Independent

Because there’s only one life and you at least have to be able to be the real you, if you have to do anything at all with your life! Being yourself may seem to be the most natural thing that there is, but it ain’t that easy. There’s always the social norms and hypocrisy to be satisfied, leaving you with little room your originality. There’s just too many pressures trying to “mould” you into the most acceptable format, making me wonder,” Do they really want everyone to be just the same? All the girls this way, and the guys, whichever!?”


Independence entails having the freedom to self expression and realization ,choice of life style ,career ,job and much more .Above all this ,my independence also includes self-dependence .This is where I reproach myself for keeping in pending the plans to take up driving lessons.


2.Chase your dream

Self explanatory! Regretful as it is, so much of our life goes in a job which we may not care about, but for the pay check. Blame it on the special makeup of the society where educational streams are pursued keeping in mind their employability factor alone, we all...all of us… end up being engineers. I see several people bemoan their life for they wanted to do something else with their lives and find themselves helpless. You may or may not have the guts to switch careers mid stream, but don’t let that keep you away from the things you desire the most. They could be your hobby too. Today’s hobby may well become tomorrow’s vocation!


3. Work for a cause you believe in

As much as we blame the society for its ills, we are also a part of the very same society and in our own small ways, responsible for the way the society is today. I often think of something that happened a while ago, when I was working in Bangalore. The city is infamous for its crowded roads and pollution, and having come from a relatively cleaner place, I could not help but complain about the Bangalore traffic to a fellow team mate. Despite being highly educated and forward thinking, my friend said that there was no point in me complaining as nothing constructive would come out if it . Her argument was,” When we can do nothing to change the situation for the better, why simply complain?” I have wondered ever since, “Is there really nothing we can do?” One person is too small in a system and ordinary people are no real life heroes to go around campaigning for change, that too when they have their own lives to keep them more than occupied.


I have discovered, much to my own relief, from personal experience that it is possible for us to make a change. When people come together with a common motive and work towards it, things will happen. It doesn’t always have to be a fight against anything, for fights usually scare most people and they would rather not invite any attention upon themselves in such cases. Let it be so. You could work towards a humanitarian cause like child welfare or the environment. There are N number of institutions and initiatives which you can join to do your bit for the society .After all; all that the society asks of you is to return the favour it did to you.


4. Build my own private library.

The bibliophile in me is talking now. Books have been objects of my affection since early childhood and they have served as my companions through all phases of life. The joy of simply beholding one of your favourite titles is priceless. I have always depended on libraries to feed my appetite for books and have paid innumerous visits to the libraries in my hometown. Books have always been borrowed commodities and one of my reasons to want to start earning for myself, was my desire to own books.


I believe everyone should have a private heaven, a shell to withdraw into and hibernate and spend spells of solitude in .My private heaven can only be a library. There’s also one more secret reason for building this library .I want my kids(When I have kids) to be lovers of books too.


5. Travel

Travel does not have to be an expensive indulgence .There’s the whole of the nation to be explored, with its villages, mountains and lakes. In that way, India is blessed with its variety in topography and different ethnic groups which forms its inhabitants .A traveler’s paradise for as much as the natural beauty as its rich culture and heritage, I should travel to as much of the heartlands as possible.


I could add some of my more fanciful wishes like visiting Machu Picchu at least once in my lifetime and authoring a book .Since these are not entirely in my hands to decide, I would rather not add them to this list. Machu Pichu will always be my most romantic dream and will be so even if it remains unfulfilled. And the book…it is always being written in my head, word by word every minute of my life …

Monday, May 10, 2010

Heal The World





There's A Place In
Your Heart
And I Know That It Is Love
And This Place Could
Be Much
Brighter Than Tomorrow
And If You Really Try
You'll Find There's No Need
To Cry
In This Place You'll Feel
There's No Hurt Or Sorrow

There Are Ways
To Get There
If You Care Enough
For The Living
Make A Little Space
Make A Better Place...

Heal The World
Make It A Better Place
For You And For Me
And The Entire Human Race
There Are People Dying
If You Care Enough
For The Living
Make A Better Place
For You And For Me

If You Want To Know Why There's A Love That Cannot Lie
Love Is Strong
It Only Cares For
Joyful Giving
If We Try
We Shall See
In This Bliss
We Cannot Feel
Fear Or Dread
We Stop Existing And
Start Living

Then It Feels That Always
Love's Enough For
Us Growing
So Make A Better World
Make A Better World...

Heal The World
Make It A Better Place
For You And For Me
And The Entire Human Race
There Are People Dying
If You Care Enough
For The Living
Make A Better Place
For You And For Me

And The Dream We Were
Conceived In
Will Reveal A Joyful Face
And The World We
Once Believed In
Will Shine Again In Grace
Then Why Do We Keep
Strangling Life
Wound This Earth
Crucify Its Soul
Though It's Plain To See
This World Is Heavenly
Be God's Glow

We Could Fly So High
Let Our Spirits Never Die
In My Heart I Feel You Are All My Brothers
Create A World With
No Fear
Together We'll Cry
Happy Tears
See The Nations Turn
Their Swords
Into Plowshares

We Could Really Get There
If You Cared Enough
For The Living
Make A Little Space
To Make A Better Place...

Heal The World
Make It A Better Place
For You And For Me
And The Entire Human Race
There Are People Dying
If You Care Enough
For The Living
Make A Better Place
For You And For Me

Heal The World
Make It A Better Place
For You And For Me
And The Entire Human Race
There Are People Dying
If You Care Enough
For The Living
Make A Better Place
For You And For Me

Heal The World
Make It A Better Place
For You And For Me
And The Entire Human Race
There Are People Dying
If You Care Enough
For The Living
Make A Better Place
For You And For Me

There Are People Dying
If You Care Enough
For The Living
Make A Better Place
For You And For Me

There Are People Dying
If You Care Enough
For The Living
Make A Better Place
For You And For Me

You And For Me
You And For Me
You And For Me
You And For Me
You And For Me
You And For Me
You And For Me
You And For Me
You And For Me
You And For Me
You And For Me

I love you,MJ !

Thursday, April 15, 2010

THE DESERT


It’s not just the sun that’s burning my skin

The solar flares blind my eyes causing tears to stream,

It’s not just the undulating dunes of sand

Waves of dust blow at my face making me choke,

At times it’s not even the cloudless sky

It’s all the hopelessness that’s parched my soul.


In my aimless wander , the eyes search

For a fellow traveler to curse the heat with,

As an egotist of a mind looks on

Feigning nonchalance all the same,

And finding not even a shadow of a soul

Says my mind, “You’re better off alone!”


And then the night falls and cold embraces

The solitary traveler, beneath the palm,

Sits down and waits for daybreak

With watchful eyes and wistful dreams,

Listening to the rising howls of the coyotes

Under the night sky, to the pack or a mate.


Another day, a new dawn of the desert

May bring cooler breeze and gentler sun

The unknown path may even lead to an oasis

Where pebbles adorn crystal blue waters

The mind nudges me in its reverie

And says,” The journey may be well worth it! ”


The mind shows the direction and I set off

Following the song of the wind and the flight of the eagle

Over treacherous knolls and past the cacti

To escape where the doomsayers cannot reach

And let the wounded soul heave in peace

Across the desert, I flee to my freedom.



PS: I crossed 50 with my last post.A miracle given my inconsistency!

Saturday, April 03, 2010

On The VTV Note

I am credited with being the last person on earth to have watched Gautham Menon's latest musical romance flick , VTV - the name now so common that the abbreviation would suffice and even save some virtual breath.Its beautiful to watch, what with Trisha looking more angelic than ever,making every girl cringe wanting to look like that.The movie is equally delicious to listen to,holding us in thrall with the ARR magic.But what I set out to do was not write a review on the movie.Enough people have done that already for me to have anything more to add on to it.Having paid my deepest reverences to the maestro musician and the heavenly beauty,I set forth to say why I did not like the story.

The heady love story and the intense pursuit of it makes an interesting beginning.The idyllic view of Alappuzha adds flavour to the visual treat so much so that I now have a bee in my bonnet about visiting Alappuzha someday .Whoever bestowed the title of 'God's Own Country ' on Kerala ,must have had this blessed place in mind .I cannot mask my delight at the glimpses of Kerala and bits of Malayalam the film offered,stoking the flame of sweet love each one of us cherish for our own hometown and mother tongue .

The movie itself though left me with a bad taste in my mouth.Why does love always have to lose to be realistic? Why are parents always the villains of love?In the Indian context ,where children having love affairs are considered a disgrace to the family,isn't going halfway and then backing off,a disgrace to love itself?This is where I disagree with Jessie.She manages to disgrace her family by saying no to a marriage at the altar in front of the whole community ,and then goes on to do the same cold act again when she finally decides to give up on her love.Clearly,Jessie's reasoning prowess is not quite at a level with her beauty .Had the movie taken on the happy ending like the movie within the movie,Jessie would have saved women in general from the age old accusation of being 'cheaters in love'. I hear with amusement how romantics decry women of being traitors in love,every chance they get .

Having rejected the notion of love in a previous post,I feel the need for clarification before going ahead.Love is not allowed to exist,leave alone flourish,in our Indian cultural setup;not that love itself in non-existent.This happens largely due to the fact that love does not always look at religion and caste before happening to the unwarned.So in our pluralist melting pot of a society where we mix with people from every conceivable religion,caste and language, it's well nigh impossible to ensure that you fall only for someone who will match your exact profile w.r.t the afore-mentioned parameters.The older generation would cry fowl on how the younger lot will bring shame to the family honour through cross cultural marriages.No comments there.Its part of the Indian culture to obey and respect the elders.The arranged marriage system is also a part of our long standing tradition and is even the only hope of so many of our young commitment-phobic losers,including me , in finding a life mate .

However , as a member of the younger generation here's my take on love.Going the halfway in romance and then getting the cold feet and throwing love out of the window when its time to show some guts in getting committed to each other for life ,is like desecrating the purity of love.By all means,uphold the family honour but do not disgrace love in the process;for every time obedience is chosen over love, it loses a bit of its charm.For the lovelorn and the lonely heart alike,love is the elixir of life- the magic we all dream will happen to us in our lives and make living worth it .Be heroes in love,not losers!

Easier said than done?I know....