FIGHT CLUB
Just couldn't resist drooling all over this one, once again!And this time I had to say it aloud!
Soo many kickass dialogues ! Jim Uhls rocks !
Here goes my favourite one -
Tyler Durden: Man, I see in fight club the strongest and smartest men who've ever lived. I see all this potential, and I see squandering. God damn it, an entire generation pumping gas, waiting tables; slaves with white collars. Advertising has us chasing cars and clothes, working jobs we hate so we can buy shit we don't need. We're the middle children of history, man. No purpose or place. We have no Great War. No Great Depression. Our Great War's a spiritual war... our Great Depression is our lives. We've all been raised on television to believe that one day we'd all be millionaires, and movie gods, and rock stars. But we won't. And we're slowly learning that fact. And we're very, very pissed off.
This post is labelled 'random' precisely bcos of its nature ;its just that a gigantic wave of crazy admiration hit me n swept me off my feet ..Random!! ..I knw..
http://in.youtube.com/watch?v=2QgFWXLN-ug

Letting Go...
It’s early in the morning and an overcast sky clothes the sleepy earth. Wisps of mist hang over the skin of the lake like a half-kiss tempted to touch but held back..The waters are inky grey as though reading the sky’s mind.. A chill in the air and a gust of wind as I stand on the bridge that cuts the lake’s vein. Life hasn’t woken up yet , the sun’s only just clambering out of sleep … stray early birds skimmed the skies ..Picture perfect! I couldn’t have held it back any more. I let the kiss go ..and touch.. the waters .. I am letting go …

CHILL MAADI
#^*(~_)_(%$^#%$#@

Too tired (read bored) with work and craving for some respite, I decided to take a look at the familiar, comforting page of my blog and found a tag there. So there was the outlet for all my pent up emptiness lying neatly in a list of soul searching questions. Still in the hangover, I wrote straight out of the top of my head…Thanks a ton Abhi for this tag – the effortless pressure vent!
Most questions are difficult to answer if its about you .Sometimes you can’t accept the honest answer, some other times you would rather deceive than be truthful …and sometimes...You just don’t know...Plainly, painfully...dont know...lemme see how much I know me...
I am: a dreamer
I think: a lot! Winding, never ending and not-so-pleasant thoughts.
I know: that there has to be some purpose which I am to fulfill with my life .I don’t know what yet!
I want: to know what it is that I should fulfill
I have: tons of energy and enthu; but no direction.
I wish: I never will need to wish,’If I could live my life again....’ Wanna do it right the first time!
I hate: Mediocrity...Though that seems to be the most celebrated thing now.
I miss: Childhood...When you didn’t need a reason to be happy.
I fear: failure?? NO!! I fear not having the guts to attempt what I really want.
I hear: (easy) Pink Floyd mostly these days...
I smell: not! I bath! :-P
I crave: for peace of mind.
I search: for some meaning in life
I wonder: eternally ...’what is my purpose …?’
I regret: deeply, for being too unforgiving to a childhood best mate...
I love: everything and everyone .I am soo mesmerized with this world
I ache: for freedom of expression/way of life/being me
I was not: i dont know this one
I am not: arrogant...Just too easy on myself.
I cry: when I am helpless...And I have noticed that people act kinder to you afterwards .so crying aint that bad...
I believe: in principles .They act as the anchor when life tends to stray.
I dance: from my soul...Dance is an expression of freedom
I sing: -do-
I read: so I may live .Books work like oxygen for me.
I don’t always: shut up and end the argument because I ran out of points .I just realize that we are on parallel plains and will never understand .I don’t believe in winning arguments by force .
I fight: for the causes I believe in .Unfairness is the most common foe.
I write: my heart out in my diary, so that I will always know the thoughts that I thought and the things that I did.
I win: hearts with my smile, and pals with my genuineness.
I lose: heart at obstacles, which I know is very bad...
I never: lie! Unless my life depended on it!
I always: try to look at the brighter side.
I confuse: with numbers a lot .wth.
I listen: attentively and help others unburden.
I can usually be found: with headphones plugged in.
I am scared: of not being the best that I can be in this life.
I need: to be loved and pampered, for optimum performance!!
I am happy: about the world around me; not sure about the world within...
I imagine: a life full of music and sunshine, with purpose and cheer.

Now I invite anyone who needs a respite from life to take up this tag...No formalities here okay .Help yourself and do the tag , or feel at home and leave a comment or two ;whatever you feel like ..Dont let life outsmart you .

Chill maadi !!

Bloggers' Block
~~~~~~ ~~~~

I look all around me for that elusive bugger called inspiration to pen down something for my blog and I see the same neon signboard in each of those directions-‘You have reached a Blogger’s Block!’.Shucks man..
So I take refuge in this tag I saw in my best pal’s blog..

Disclaimer : Umm..folks ,I am not even attempting humour so relax ,you don’t need to understand the comedy of anything that may sound witty ,its just an accident!

1.LAST MOVIE YOU SAW IN A THEATER?
Race in PVR.
My colleague had put forth the suggestion thus..
‘Hey lets go for race!’,which led me to think the guys were becoming adventurous for the weekend.So that weekend I turned up at Forum ready to be the awe-struck witness , and ended up watching Saif n Bips indulge in quite a race..

2.WHAT BOOK ARE YOU READING?
Alchemist by Paulo Coelho..
‘When you want something , the whole universe conspires in helping you to achieve it.’

3. FAVORITE BOARD GAME?
Keyboarding!!Scrabbles too

4. FAVORITE MAGAZINE?
I soo love RD.

5. FAVORITE SMELLS?
Is anything cooking?

6. FAVORITE SOUNDS?
The hustle and bustle of our busy food courts and my pals chattering away . I enjoy watching them chattering amongst themselves and feel the merry mood that settles upon us.Those are the times when I feel that the world, after all ,may not be that bad..or boring..I love my friends!

7. WORST FEELING IN THE WORLD?
Used to happen frequently during my short stint at the Bangalore office.

At exactly 5 mins to the scheduled departure time of the last bus(9pm/am),shoot out of my cubicle/PG and not stop running till I reached the ‘bus ground’/BTM-AXA stop , to see the last bus just pass by..I hate hate hate running behind busses that don’t have heart enough to stop for a lady..whew..

8. WHAT IS THE FIRST THING YOU THINK OF WHEN YOU WAKE?
Can I steal 5 more mins of sleep?

9) FAVORITE FAST FOOD PLACE?
CCD & Chocolate in Blore DC(Development Centre)

10. FUTURE CHILD'S NAME?
Blush…will be one of Lord Ganesha’s names. (Vinaayakane..pious sigh..)

11. FINISH THIS STATEMENT. "IF I HAD A LOT OF MONEY I'D...?
If I had more than what I needed for a comfortable life , I would give it away for a noble cause for children. And I don’t need to say this here cos it sounds good, which means.. ‘I mean it’.

12. DO YOU DRIVE FAST?
Yup. But not too fast as I hate rash driving , just fast enough for some harmless thrills.

13. DO YOU SLEEP WITH A STUFFED ANIMAL?
Ahem! Umm…Cough..twitch twitch..
Sheesh man,what a yuck question is that..

14. STORMS-COOL OR SCARY?
Awesome to look at. But considering the trouble they are capable of , I would rather not be in so much awe!

15. WHAT WAS YOUR FIRST CAR?
How painful can this thing get ? I don’t own one yet..

16. FAVORITE DRINK?
Sweet lassi meinu bahut pasand hai!!

17. FINISH THIS STATEMENT, "IF I HAD THE TIME I WOULD
Just wander around the world observing its small wonders and spent my life whetting my appetite for fantasy , walk with bare feet on wet grass and listen to the sounds of nature..

18. DO YOU EAT THE STEMS ON BROCCOLI?
Ahem..I eat bitter guard if you wanna know.

19. IF YOU COULD DYE YOUR HAIR ANY COLOR, WHAT WOULD BE YOUR CHOICE?
Don’t like the idea much.I have got jet black hair and love it that way.

20. NAME ALL THE DIFFERENT CITIES/TOWNS YOU HAVE LIVED IN.
Trivandrum , Mysore , Bangalore..Love all three.Each city/town has a unique beat of its own which is alluring and enchanting , which you realize as you get the groove of it!

21. FAVORITE SPORTS TO WATCH?
I am stumped!

22. ONE NICE THING ABOUT THE PERSON WHO SENT THIS TO YOU.
I took this myself from my pal’s blog , and speaking about me , everything is soo nice that its difficult to pinpoint.That sounds conceited ,but I had to tell the truth, right?

23.WHAT'S UNDER YOUR BED?
Cobwebs and my 4 pair of shoes.Emergencies about the shoe situation ,scares the hell out of me.Therefore the neat pile.

24. WOULD YOU LIKE TO BE BORN AS YOURSELF AGAIN?
YUP.Me ..with all my insecurities , frivolities and confusion.
I zimbly love myself!

25. MORNING PERSON, OR NIGHT OWL?
Night owl ..hoot hoot..(there you have the proof!)

26. OVER EASY, OR SUNNY SIDE UP?
I will need to flip a coin on that.

27. FAVORITE PLACE TO RELAX?
Anywhere.Place doesn’t matter , it’s the mood ..

28. FAVORITE PIE?
American…teeheee

29. FAVORITE ICE CREAM FLAVOR?
Bitter chocolate.
I came across something called ‘Death By Chocoate ‘ (sinfully choc!!)in a B’lore ice cream corner and went gaga over it.

30. OF ALL THE PEOPLE YOU TAGGED THIS TO, WHO'S MOST LIKELY TO RESPOND FIRST?
Not taggin anyone..

(PS : After 3 months in Namma Ooru , Bengaluru.. , I am now in my hometown..)

i Return

Life looks all good with guitar strumming in my ears and lilting, lovely solitude this evening as the sun sets beautifully and all my cubicle-mates (mercifully/for solitude sake only..) leaving early ,giving me a chance to indulge in the all-time love of my life-writing my heart out!(Now you know why I had disappeared behind the horizon for these four months!). As I realize what a golden opportunity has befallen me, a wicked smile spreads itself on my face and rubbing both palms together I grab the keyboard for one of those adventurous sessions of ours..(I meant blogging! C’mon people..)
A quick update on my life since my vanishing act.
The initial two and half months were spent in Mysore undergoing training, were I got to learn my favorite programming language-Java.Fell in love with it all over again.! But that’s not all. Those two and a half months kept me so thrilled and busy that I didn’t even miss blogging.(Imagine!)It’s a paradise on earth that deserves to be spoken about for hours on end…absolutely loved it there !!
After training , they immediately pressed me into services and life hasn’t slowed down since.(Smart people are forever in demand you see…no wonder I am so jobless ..) Let me not bore you with any more specifics..
Outstanding memories
Special Diwali with special kids
I had the opportunity to spent the last Diwali in a special home for underprivileged and economically backward children,organized by our most kind Mysore-HR department.Frequented and supported by folks from the nearby residential company campus and people from all other walks of life,and run by ‘amma’ as she is dearly called,I noticed that the kids there received more love and attention than the kids in any of today’s homes, born to ever-busy parents.They recited entire chapters from Bhagavad Githa and conversed fluently in English with us. Made me wonder who is really underprivileged!

Tearful TZP
Yea its too late now..the movie has been all but forgotten .But I can never forget the experience of consoling the tearful guys who accompanied us for the movie!We virtually sobbed on each others’ shouders..Cheers to those guys cool enough to weep before girls.Guys , you rock!

One thousand new pals
The whole training batch consisted of 1000+ people .Man!Was it huge!!
It was an unbelievable experience , meeting all those lovely and cheerful people who quickly turned to dearest mates. Each and every one of them were special and recalling those faces now gives me that warm fussy nostalgic feeling as of a dream-life fully lived.Lovya all people..

That’s all for the time being.Catchya sooner than later.. ;)

7th Heaven

This post is specially dedicated to the impatient gentleman(cm-chap..).Nothing less than an impatient snort could have forced me to come up with this!

My training center -The golden cage

(just in case you are wondering,the girl in the picture is not me!)

The globe multiplex--'mera globe mahaan..'

weekend respite!

Poool.. ..is just soo exquisite..

I am planning to courier this back home

ps:I hope to come back and make some less cryptic posts..if and when time permits..

The Kid Grows UP


I am joining Infy on 29th oct.
My Life-
Starting Phase 2-
...


please bless..:-)

Some pain in the A($$)RM

There’s something good about pain.. like Amitabh Bachan says in one of those ads, ‘Dard main bhi kuch baath hain’, and no, I am not driving at the point that pain is what is felt more profoundly than joy, so don’t go barking up the wrong tree. I am in pain. Oh yes !!I am !!Even as I am typing this, little needles of pain are penetrating through my flesh.. So I halt ..then continue…the pain comes back again, so I decide to type with the right hand alone.. what’s the matter with me ??I had this swelling in the left hand that had to be operated out. It will just take very few days to heal, and to think of the melodrama I threw!!

But ever since we decided to get it done ,life’s been good for me. The day before was spent by my supportive folks giving me pep talks which went something like this.

Mom : Its just a tiny li’l thing ,so there’s not gonna be much pain.. don’t worry..

To that ,I do the ‘I’m a brave gurl’ nod of my head.

Dad : Awwww ,my baby girl….

I want to console him ,but can’t and end up chewing my nails..

Grandma : Tell them, and tell them sternly that you can’t stand any pain. Ask them to give you local anaesthetic lest they forget or something…lacchuuu, its really painful without anaesthetics..

I stagger a bit ,run upstairs , pack my bags and almost abscond.

Brother : Wateva!!

My response : #$#$%

But things go remarkably smooth at the hospital. The surgeon talks on incessantly ..But I know that trick, it’s the oldest trick in the book .If you ever went to a hospital and surrendered yourself willingly to a needle prick ,all the while managing a ‘please don’t kill me, I’m not done living yet’ look, you would know too. Its their own patented style of diverting the coward patient’s attention.

The doc shows me the tiniest needle on earth, just the length of an average nail.
‘These tiny things are specially designed for people as brave as you are.’
Oh yea ,that courage runs in the family.. Once when my father was one of the bystanders while one of his sisters were getting an operation done, he was so courageous that he had to be given a B.P check and was made to lie down, and gave everyone else quite a scare.

On another occasion under a similar situation ,my cousin brother proved his courage. That time, he was asked to give some of his blood for his father’s operation. The brave son promptly obliges, follows the nurse ,and five minutes later we get news that he fainted sighting his own blood, and had to be carried away from the battle-front, I mean the ICU-front!

Courage runs in this family!

I sit there gripping my eyes shut with the right hand and every muscle in my body pulled tense, the left hand stretched out for any hell that was to follow.
So the doc asks me while slitting my skin, ’Are there really benches in companies, where people are seated when they don’t have projects to work on?’
(why don’t you go n look, anyway it’s a bad joke..)

‘No ,I don’t think so’..

And then the doc says ‘tadaaaa, thank you!!’

‘wha??’

‘its done.its over’he says clapping his hands..gawd,that was quick!!

An hour later, I am back home gorging on strawberry ice cream(izz good to forget da pain..mmm..) with dad listening to the gruesome details. He hadn’t come to the hospital saying, ’You and your mom are enough for this, its not anything big so I needn’t come.’

Oh yeaa, I know you are soo brave ,daddy..So we brave gurls, amma and me, went alone.
‘Achaa, the doc was so good that I didn’t know a thing’, I manage to say between mouthfuls as he nods his head looking on lovingly, and helping with the ice cream. Earlier , just as I had walked into the house holding my left arm with my right hand, he had burst upon me ,‘Oh my darling jelly fish daughter, look what they have done to you’.
‘Jelly wha??’ I ask mom, who just walks by smiling..

Since the whole thing had taken just around 2 hours of the morning, amma who lives by the so very boring ‘work is worship’ principle ,rings up office and is told to get to office after feeding me lunch ,by her boss(from hell).Five minutes later, the same boss woman calls back and tells mom that its okay if she can’t come to office ,just in case the 21 year old baby needs intensive maternal care. But I do the brave girl act again (twice the same morn, not any more..),and lets mom go, who returns home just as I wake up after my afternoon nap, and along comes Valyamma (mom’s elder sis..one n only..)with loads more food. I sink into the couch and start on the story –telling again, the doc this, and the needle that ,and the nurse this ,and the syringe that. All refreshments are brought to me at my outpost in front of the telly, where I watch tv some ,narrate my story some ,and eat some, and then eat some more.. Later on, at the noisy and overcrowded sitting room of my cousin’s home next door where the entire joint family(we all live close by)get together for our daily dose of cable tv ,somebody vacates their precious seat for me .Usually we occupy seats on a seniority basis, or at times when push comes to shove ,through fistfights. .In return for the hassle free acquisition of the seat, I entertain them with ‘The story of my hospital visit’ during the commercial breaks.. gory details thrown in for the really small kids.

At home , I have been awarded many a luxuries(for this tiny bandage on my arm) like:-

I am exempted from getting the phone or the door bell.

I am allowed round-the-clock tv viewing.

I don’t have to go to kitchen ,the food finds me..courtesy mommy..

I am not allowed to move even a muscle

Hmmmm… I am loving it!! For me, who stopped being the centre of all attention in this house at the tender age of three ,with the coming of my brother, all the pampering looks fit for a queen. And to throw some statistics, my parents have stroked my forehead more in the last two days than the combined count for all theses years.. that’s something..

But there are downsides too:-

I don’t know when I will be able to ride my two-wheeler again.

Because of that, I can’t go to the library .shit

I can’t go out anywhere on my own, in fact. double shit

And if I can’t go out, I can’t recharge my mobile whose validity expires tomorrow. The dilemma because the other occupants of this house are lobbyists for BSNL headed by mom who is employed with BSNL. So I can’t get help recharging my Airtel SIM. Humph!!But my airtel account will last for another week, hopefully, so no sweat.

So that’s the story of my happy outing with pain!

Pain ain’t all that painful after all huh??.*smiles the serene smile*

B.l.i.n.d. Date

I had been sitting there for some time now, taking in the scene. The place did have a romantic touch. A plain glass wall ran beside me ,and I had the unhindered view of the smooth glass exteriors of the adjacent high-rise. What a view !Had it been my home town, tiny and throbbing, the view from such a spot would have been the clear blue sky, broken sporadically by coconut tree-tops. In this big city ,the sky probably is visible only to the homeless.

The coffee spewed steam from within its untouched cup. I was still contemplating whether to go ahead with it or not. On the one hand, ordering coffee the first thing in any restaurant came out of habit ,and on the other hand I had just read that coffee could be bad for health. I decide to chuck my health for the craving. From the invisible stereo system came the low, enticing voice of Atif Aslam..’zindagi ne..’ The wait had become so romantic, I could even imagine the hot Aslam himself standing by the corner and crooning. So there I sat ,on the edge of the seat, ready to fall, head over heels.. ’just make the entry ..baby..’

Ten full minutes since I had taken this window seat in this strange coffee shop. It was my first visit to that place ,was in fact surprised when he suggested the place for the get together. I frankly never knew of its existence .It sure was quiet, as he had promised, and the music was tasteful too.. for all the taste he had showed in picking this place for our first meeting ,I half imagined him to be handsome ,with deep voice ( ref:George Clooney)and deep ,brooding eyes(ref: Johnny Depp)..Oh yes, it was going to be the first real meeting, the very first time.. friends at office had teased about this being a blind date.. The call fixing this meeting had come in a bit too late for us to meet for lunch, so we had settled for the late afternoon tea ,with him suggesting this meeting spot. Though none of us newbies had heard of this place, the ‘Reserved’ plate bore the name of our company ;so this must be a frequent hangout for the senior guys. Anyways, the announcement will make it easier for him to find me. Since we had never seen each other before, the plan was that he will spot me first and come over.

God! Another 5 minutes.. How long is this man going to keep a lady waiting..? But this lady was ready to wait, ever so patiently ,for the stud to arrive..I checked my laptop the umpteenth time since that morning , going through the reports that the boss had given me and the slides that I had prepared out of them to make the persuasion easier. It was around mid morning that the boss had called me in and announced,
“Harsh wants to meet you”.As I silently voiced a “Harsh ,who??”and quickly did a mental check in my ‘friends and acquaintances’ list without a clue, the boss had simply continued talking to his laptop’s beaming LCD screen..”Harsh is from Zetpack, next only to the top guy in the evaluation team, in charge of our joint blue orange project .He had an informal meeting scheduled with Usha, but since she is off quite unexpectedly, we are sending you. She has already sent in all the required reports ,so you just take care of the presentation. ”Oh yea…a presentation..! That cake walk and the day’s job’s done..!Now,. Usha is the oldest one in our team , even older than the boss. Donno where she was, but wherever she was ,thank you for the rest of my day off. Details of the rendezvous was passed to me by the boss later on and here I am..

”Excuse me!!”, I say to the man who had suddenly seated himself opposite me ,breaking my reverie. “Harsh” says the middle aged man with greying hair ,a hand stuck out for the inaugural handshake.I let out a deep breath and gulp down a mouthful from the glass of water trying in vain to lose the w.t.h expression on my face, stands up and shakes his hand, very vigorously,almost in danger of playing up the enthusiasm melodrama. We both sit down and I promptly adjust my laptop so my face is well hidden behind its screen.

‘I heard from Raghav that Usha was off’,the voice from yonder.

‘Oh yea,Usha..is ..off.yes,she’s off today..’me,swallowing more air due to the sudden shortage in oxygen in the vicinity.Royal screwup!!

My hand emerges from behind the wall to grab the hateful cup of coffee and try to take a sip from the empty cup(whoa!its empty!!)and puts it down with a clatter onto its saucer..I shall venture a peek at his face later on,but not now..definitely not now..whew..*sweat*

Screw this crap system where everyone is called by their first names, I mean how was I to know what to expect. Now, Usha really is Mrs.Usha.. see, that makes it easier. If the boss( Mr.Raghav,’Mr’ because he is elder than me)had said Mr.Harsh, as he is elder than him, I would have gotten some idea about my..duh..blind date…wouldn’t I??

‘I hope you don’t mind the music’, the voice..

‘No...Harsh’. Screw the system! Again!

The meeting got back on track after that, with my almost-date Harsh, turning out to be a father of two, a clever management guy and a gentle man. The meeting lasted for 75 minutes in all, after which I had to get back to put in another three hours at the office.

There’s just about half an hour left now,before I call it a day,but the laugh riot in here still hasn’t subsided!!Duh!

"It was Usha's day off.Thats where it went wrong..",I laughed along..
"NO!!It was Cupid's day off!!Thats where it went haywire...........!!"

Crime And Punishment—Dogged by TAGS

Crime:-I tags Ankit .

Punishment:- It boomerangs!I am tagged back/in return/again/ (take your pick)!

An endless list that reads like the do's and dont's of life..

Friendly Philosopher’s Advice:Don’t read it!!Take the tag,do it yourself,and then come back,if you still feel so..

Here's the rules of this game- Without changing the first word, write a sentence that captures you/your essence... (i.e.whatever comes to your mind..)..Ok,look up those words and get going..

Accept -appreciation (and advice…lol) with grace.So many are total suckers at that.

Break- the rules,only sounds good!!

Create- your own private heaven ,for the times when you need to escape.

Decide –I wish that act was as simple as it sounds.

Explore -your own mind-space and be surprised!

Forgive -only at times when forgetting is better than losing forever.

Grow- and let grow.

Hope –keeps me alive.

Ignore -those crushes that turned sour..

Journey- to the heartlands,where the real people are..

Know -that you are special!

Love - without preconditions and pretensions.

Manage- is only an act ,the thought is in the vision!

Notice- the beauty in others..(people are snobbish enough to pretend not to notice..)

Open- the heart ,let the dreams be your wings..

Play- not with feelings..the scars take long healing..

Question- before you believe.

Relax-try saying that when I am really worked up,and the heaviest object in the near vicinity will make forceful contact with your head..lols..now,i have warned you!

Share -a laugh once in a while,its good for the nerves.

Try -new stuff ..at least to break the monotony..

Use -your creativity..it revitalizes..

Values ….are ..valuable..??lols..i pass …..

Work- for those things that matter to you..and you will be in auto-hard-work mode

X-rays-I wish that would reveal people’s real thoughts..

Yield –only to love and god

Zoom-ahead of the crowd!!

Psssss..You read the whole thing,didn’t you??*shakes head in disbelief* (children grow up and even become sane adults,but never learn to take sound advice..)

And now to pass on this tag..I take no names this time for fear of misspells and serious over-reactions!But everyone’s invited…each and every one of you..

PS:MY employer has given me THE call!!I am thrilled to bits!!

Being Tagged

My impressions on Tagging:

1. Wow!that will be a ready-made topic to blabber about. The job’s half done!!

2. Its a good idea. But who on earth would really want to know all that?

3. Isn't this thing getting repetitive..

4. Whoa .Why doesn’t anybody tag me.??

So here I am !Tagged by my good friend Krish. or do you want me to call you Aparna..

1. Pick out a scar you have, and explain how you got it.

I will tell the story of the latest one.Not a scar exactly,it’s a bite-wound on my ankle,resembling the one that Dracula leaves behind on his victims..wanna guess??...no,not a snake!!Don't give me the creeps just cos I said ‘guess’..but it was Dracula’s blood-sucking cousin and hopefully the last of that species left on earth-leech!(Location:Edakkal in Wayanad ,during the college trip last year).One tiny insect(!),the sight of which stuck to your skin can give you a cardiac arrest out of the shock.Well, it did to me..but I have already thought of a useful use for it!When my children misbehave(that is once I have children..),I will just show them the bite-wound and tell them I got it from Dracula when I was a child myself and had misbehaved!!haha..i am ingenious..

2. What does your phone look like?

Boohoo..there goes my whatchyacallit—‘I am Alexander graham bell’s grand-daughter ‘ego.my phone was the first of the polyphonic colour phone genre from Nokia..don't ask the people at Nokia , they will simply disown me..*sob,sob* it’s a Nokia-3100 .

3. What is on the walls of your bedroom?

Lots and lots of pictures of Lord Ganesha…I am a firm devotee and a bigger fan. Over the years ,we have worked out a fluid and working agreement (‘terms of service’—I behave myself and I get stuff in return)between us…so things are just rocking between the two of us..

4. What is your current desktop picture?

It’s a picture of the frontal elevation of my own recently done-up home taken from my cousin’s new Nokia n73 music edition mobile phone….see..he is the real grand son of graham bell..*sob.sob* (disclaimer:this is no ad for Nokia)

5. Do you believe in gay marriage?

Yes!Hell is for everyone!How can you rebuke their claim?…and then,why play the painful spoil-sport??(I meant the hell only..wipe off that devilish grin..)

6. What do you want more than anything right now?

Tough one

Objectively-my evening’s cup of tea

Philosophically-I want to be able to tell the answer to that question.

Truthfully speaking my mind-I want to be called up by my employer and be up and running, getting my hands dirty on all things IT! These days I feel a film of rust settling on my brains and limbs due to sheer inactivity..sigh…

7 . What time were you born?

I have no idea. I didn’t have my watch with me then..sorry!

8. Are your parents still together?

They are !!and I think they merit Param Veer Chakra awards for that feat!!

9. Last person who made you cry?

Can I pass this one?? I just can’t remember..it must have been while watching some movie..

10. What is your favourite perfume / cologne?

Denim..is soo hot!!

11. What kind of hair/eye color do you like in the opposite sex?

Hair-straight, slightly wavy, cropped short, black hair. Neatly combed.

Eye- jet black.

12. What are you listening to?

‘Ahista.. Ahista..’ from the movie of the same name..

Soulful music and soulful rendering !!and a beautiful story to go with it..

‘teri batein ..teri yaadein…kar gayi woh asar

har jaguh bas tu hi tu hai,..dekhoon mein jidhar..’

13. Do you get scared of the dark?

Not if I am inside my home .or with my folks.But out in the dark,on my own,I get a creepy feeling..like some one is watching me from behind..

14. Do you like painkillers?

Only if they are in the form of jokes..

15. Are you too shy to ask someone out?

No never!I keep asking my younger brother out and he keeps turning me down..

Otherwise ,I have never had to.

16. If you could eat anything right now, what would it be?

Hot n spicy chilly chicken from ‘Open House’.If you ever lived in tvm,you will know..if you haven’t ,it’s a real pity..

17. Who was the last person who made you mad?

My main-project team member!! She thought she could dump her share of work on me just because I worked like a dog on the project..!On the day of the final presentation ,I simply blew my fuse.!(well,if any software engg is reading this,is their a way to deal with people like that..i mean other than blowing one’s fuses??)

18. Who was the last person who made you smile?

1.My buddy from college in Mumbai ,Viji,who’s been there only weeks and is already sick missing home and friends here.Yesterday night ,when I checked my mobile just after a half hour break,there were 15 smses from her(@1 in the night)..surprised,and a bit worried for her ,I replied ..and then we chatted (d sms way..)till I dropped asleep…my friend, who never stayed awake beyond 9,stayed up till 2, sms-ing..paavam..(poor thing) !

2.My best friend,due to the long mails..

I don’t know if anybody’s even gonna bother with reading this.But it’s the first time in my life that I am being tagged,and thanks for that!This will go into my personal list of first-times..

I am passing the baton to aishu,mukesh,ankit and nocturnal poiesis.Enjoy guys!!

Good (Golden) Evening

The lone eagle traces a majestic circle in its solitary heaven .Even higher , the clouds are turning a mellow golden hue. Jarring music thumps at my ear drums. It’s the curse of living in civilization. So , I was thinking…

At the time when man decided to walk the paths of civility and socializing , my ancestors should just have left the herd and quietly walked away in the opposite direction and towards the sunset. Let the people obsessed with progress seek the sun-rise , we are contend watching the sun set over the golden sea waves , breathe the night air , and sigh to the naked stars..at least , we wouldn’t have had to give up on our silences then.

I am sure ,in such a free and open world ,we would have procreated and procreated and would have built a formidable army of our own-of poets, not soldiers! Like the solitary eagle , we should have sought only the purest gold that nature had to offer-the water , the sands , and the air..nothing more complicated than that.nothing less beautiful than that either!

Innumerable evenings have I spent watching the sky grow dark. The clouds , like dreaming feathers floating in the breeze are initially white , like balls of cotton. As the evening starts crawling towards dusk , the clouds change hue many times from white to yellow to baby-pink to gold to red to flaming crimson. At that time , the sun will have reached the sea-line , throwing furious red light on the sea waves making the sea look like molten lava , before quickly drowning itself and turning all my adorable clouds to grey. Losing myself in the show of colour and splendour ,I try to dream of my might-have-been ancestors..gazing at the sunset without a worry in the world..and no jarring music too.hell no!!

Enya-Evening Falls

I am home - I know the way.
I am home - feeling oh, so far away.

I Wish..

I only wanted to leave my mark

Upon the pages of history.

I only wanted to find that path

Upon which thousands would follow me.

I only wanted to make my friends.

Party through the night and into the day.

I only played the naughty pranks

To make friends laugh, but do no harm.

Last year ,the night before the valentines' day

I only wanted to waltz with you.

And every time that you looked at me

I only wanted to tell you that.

Sometimes I wanted to swim in the creek.

Soar and sing in the sky like a lark.

And when the wind blew on my face

I only wanted to let my hair loose and smile.

I only wanted to believe in angels

And that there was one in everyone.

Just that some people let it show

And some covered it up for no reason at all.

Sometimes I wished for the prince on the horse

Who would kiss me awake and fight for me.

Then I realized they were no more

And learned to fight my battles on my own.

Sometimes I wanted to stand in the rain

Let the water wash away all the pain.

How I wish I could laugh out aloud

And have nobody stare at me!

At times I hoped to speak my mind

Before it was too late and all was lost.

I wish I had the courage then

And not have to mourn later on.

I only wanted to reach the sky.

Touch the stars and walk on the moon.

I only want to be as free as a bird!

I only want to break my chains!

But my biggest wish of all

Is to have ten thousand more wishes!

Cos the hope and cheer in a wish

Is in itself worth a wish!

VOILA!Life Is A Song!!(Part One)

The very first lab session of my engineering studies ,anything of any practical purpose anyway, was the Data Structures lab.(DS..Data in Structured arrangement..or so I think..)and it blew my fuse ..big time!!..

In the 4 years of engg studies,the 1^st year is spent learning things you want to forget the moment you are done with the exams.So it’s the 2^nd year ,or the 3^rd semester that life begins for the engineer..and my life was to turn the IT way..and all that I knew about IT was the mallu word for it,thanx to seniors who made sure we knew..and how….’vivara saankethika vidhya’..whew!

The theory sessions came first.The (guest)lecturer for D.S was a very tiny lady,much resembling a rabbit in face and demeanour.She sang to us endlessly about ..I don’t know..I never heard a word anyway..most of our ‘teachers’ at the time were scarcely that.They were fresh B.Tech pass-outs who wanted to kill time ..We learned about lovely names like D.S,D.B.M.S,and O.O.P.S..that last one was my favourite..OOPS stood for object oriented programming,and the S just tagged along like an initial. Coming back to data structures ,now it is a wonderful subject. One of the most important bricks that were to constitute the foundation of our IT knowledge .Once the initial confusion got over and I accepted that the teaching medium was indeed English and not French (Greek or Latin)as it had appeared initially ,I realized ,one fine day, that the rabbit and my more intelligent classmates were wading through a specific type of quicksand called, algorithms .of course, I knew algorithms ..they were a method of writing down the problem at hand, breaking it up into sub-tasks until it cannot be divided up any more. at that point,all your teeny –weeny tasks can be done in one go… sort of ,you had now beaten the living daylights out of the problem ,and its no more a problem for you.I knew that’s what algos were about.. and I liked it too ,I mean, it’s a cool idea ,init ?They taught this in standard 8^th ,I think ,along with some other basics like ,BASIC itself. .my cobweb of a memory tells me ,those days basic used to mean, beginners all purpose symbolic instruction code.. or was it symbiotic now….?

So on that day of my first DS enlightenment, came my way the first problem ,with a capital p so it was a Problem. As is common knowledge ,you start learning English words with ‘A for apple’.. if its a new programming language, you start it with the ‘hello world ’ program.. much the same way ,a course in algos always start with the ’add two numbers’ problem.It struck me immediately ,algorithms start with the ‘start’ and end with the ‘stop’..but whatever went in between remained unknown.. .people around me had started writing ,and I resigned to thinking, and thought and thought ..and then, I came up with a stunner !My first algo in college..

START

ADD TWO NUMBERS

STOP

Lol!! And to think it looked perfectly sane at the time.. !!There I sat with my prize winner ..

But that was the beginning of the end of ignorance, total and complete. .the ignorance ,not the dispelling…By the time I started feeling comfortable around anything algo,we were into stacks and queues.Now stacks everyone knows…a neat stack of books arranged one on top of the other.. ha, everyone knew stacks. .so I gave my ear drums a rest!After a few weeks of theory, when we were just ripe enough to start our labs, they introduced us to the ‘internet’ lab.. where we were to do our DS labs.. Now, row upon row of silent and completely blank faces(computer monitors)is enough to scare someone on a first visit ,but being given a comp terminal all to yourself! Did they want us to handle this machine all alone? Nothing like it would just jump out of its pedestal and run away, but one never knew ..and all the comps were loaded with Linux.. not even the omnipresent Windows ,ya that really helped ..now I was a complete martian landed on pluto..life’s a song,enjoy!

The first lab question to be tackled read like this:-

‘Implement stack using arrays’

A stack of arrays ??Now if they had given a pile of books or something, I could have given that a try.. I could have done up a neat stack ..of books…but arrays.. really? Can u reread that question for me?? And my neighbour read it out to me.. no luck ,the ‘arrays’ stubbornly remained arrays. .hell!

Now, I had carried my note book to the lab, something is better than nothing, especially when you went to a lab ,..for the first time..it struck me then, the algo for this problem was done in the theory class…voila!there was an algo for this! Now, you just had to put it into formal/business like tones.. ya,just do it using the programming language..and life suddenly became a song…

All self respecting stacks in the DS world are expected to do two things,in the least..push and pop..no ,not plop..like onto the floor..its pop..The push thing went fine,you know everybody knows push..but the pop thing got me.It was something new ,and all things new were scaring me that day..pop..pop..see,pop is where the topmost thing on your stack is removed from the stack..On real stacks ,tht would have been easy…but on a DS stack…I mean,there wasn’t even a real stack..the stack was only in your imagination..and people wanted to put things in it..and whats more,they wanted to take out things they had(never)put in..talk about going nuts…

Ya so,when you do a pop,the topmost thingie has to go away..but where is ‘away’ inside the comp..the recycle bin..?or does it just jump outside of the comp itself??Noway I could have made it do that.. I mean,I just was not smart enough for that..Maybe,I could print it out..I eyed the old dot matrix printer ,probably the very first one to be acquired by the department..Cuckoos had started singing in my brain,and I forgot all shame and stammered my question to rabbit..’ma’am,when you do a pop,where does the topmost element go?’She looked confused..I explained,’like.. ma’am ,when you do a pop,where does the topmost element go?’She brightened up at that.’just delete it’.wow!of course!why didn’t I think of it before…delete…I know delete,there is even a key on the keyboard for it DEL..wow,that’s soo easy..’thank you ma’am,for dispelling this cloud of confusion that was eating me up’..that would have scared her away..so I kept my thanks to myself..and beamed at her,she beamed back,all was well..nothing to worry..cool..life was a song..

But there was something wrong with DEL,every time I hit it,the letters of my code on the screen disappeared!..Those precious words of my own precious code just evaporated from the screen..AND they were not coming back either..I frantically searched the keyboard for a clue..no,I was a gonner,those lines of code were gone..lost..for eternity..and what was this bloody DEL anyway?..Can’t even delete a silly thing off a stack..to hell with DEL..you will rot in hell..!!

Close to pulling off my hairs now,I decided to ask again..’ma’am,I don’t know how to delete the topmost…’blah blah..’just write the function and call it’…function..ah yes..I knew functions..but writing a function with just the name delete,and nothing else inside it ,and then calling it when I needed to delete,..will that work?How will delete() know what I wanted done..?mind reading??’ma’am…(me totally flustered now)but what to write inside that function??I mean where does the element go when it is deleted..?what happens then??’Now ..she gave me an even bigger smile..I guess finally she was sure I was an ignorant fool and not trying to show off with annoying questions..’just replace the element with zero and update your flag..’; enlightenment!! light!!!....at the end of the tunnel!!thank you …for that piece of wisdom..now I will rest in peace in my grave…thank you..life was a song..again..

Disclimer:

'rabbit' is a term of endearment in the writer's dictionary.

i got this analysis on my personality by simply clicking on that picture from a bunch of others..n i think its holy crap! ,but you might be curious to try it out too..jus one thing seemed alrit--free spirited ,i am! Your Personality Profile

You are funky, outdoorsy, and down to earth. While you may not be a total hippie... You're definitely one of the most free spirited people around. You are very impulsive - every day is a new adventure. However, you do put some thought behind all your actions. Still, you do tend to shock and offend people from time to time!

The World's Shortest Personality Test

Last Confession

Tears were fast filling her eyes,blurring the sight before her.The carefully applied mascara getting wet in hot tears.It took just a fraction of a second to turn a soaring heart into a smarting boil.Before the first sobs could break out,and disturb the kissers with its noise,she turned around and ran down the path that lead away from that class room.She frantically wanted to be somewhere where nobody would catch her crying and ask their annoying questions.

[That was my own imagination.The actual diary entry went like this..]

Even now when I try to remember that day,it unfolds before my eyes as though it were really happening right before my eyes.I can see myself standing there at the door to the class,my right hand clutching the edge of the wooden door to keep my knees from giving under me,and my blood running cold like ice.I can still feel the world coming down all around me like a glass wall shattering into a thousand shards..in dead silence !

That evening as I waited beside the railroad track for the train running south, to clear,it seemed to be pulling me towards it with a strange conviction.It would have been glorious to melt into that song roaring thunderously away down south in front of my eyes.

It was pure torture from the start.The first sight ,the falling in love,the longings gnawing away inside me all the while,and now this..and not the least bit of logic in any of it..I would tell my mind that’s why its called love..and a calm voice hiding within me would reply,no.its only that you are losing it…again..

Yes.I was losing it..from the start.I saw you first in a dream during my drug induced sleep one and a half years ago.I had just joined college then and didn’t know anyone there.I was under medication then.They told me I had a ‘mind condition’..a polite way of saying –depression. Of course, it could be cured completely,I only had to take the drugs regularly and let my mind rest.It could have been my mind playing games with me,but when I saw you the next day ,I couldn’t believe my eyes.It was the sound of your laughter,boyish and strong,that drew my mind away from me and towards you.I never let you know that I waited by the path you tread every morning to catch a glimpse.Neither did you know that I talked about you to the trees that bloomed only to make me happy.In the evenings when everyone had left,I would sneak into your class,lie face down on your desk and murmur into it endlessly…..I wanted it to pass on my words to you..Those words of mine didn’t reach you,they failed me and you never knew…Then how did you find your way into my dreams..every one of my dreams..?..that couldn’t have been the mischief of the drugs ,or could it?did you ever even know me?do you know what my name is?or I am the crackhead with no friends and reading all the while,for you too?i think ,now you have answered me .. without looking this way even once..but,i don’t want to know..just hold on to silence like I have done all my life,I will take that rather than an answer.

…

So read a soggy scrap of paper recovered from her person later on :-

I will stand in this rain and let the cold seep into my bones,till I lose consciousness ,if that will make you see..but I will not utter a word..i will drown my voice in silence..and listen for the least flutter in the air if that will tell me you were coming this way..but I will not speak when you can hear me..i will wait for my longings to quiver and become vibrations that travel in the light air until they reach you and touch your skin..know it when it rains hard and the air chills your skin,I am drenching my dreams in the merciless rain..that the rainwater is seeping in through the slit of an open vein and diluting my blood ,that the blue moon smiles in the pool of dirty blood that leaves me now,that two dreamy eyes are twinkling merrily still thinking of you…

Deathly Suspense



Will Harry die??I am consumed by that one thought..as so many others round the world will be,this morn..I hope he lives..

Jobless in the middle of midnight

Disclaimer :-Reading this will not enrich you in any way .The title of the post means exactly what it says!!

The gurgle of a child’s laughter between its high-pitched squeals as it calls out ‘ma..’.Its coming from the second storey of the house yonder to my left, from the window underneath the stair-case .Somewhere else I hear the sound of running water, and my sky(I fancy the bit of sky overhead belongs to me, constantly ,even while I am moving…)rumbles as a giant metal-and-glass bird ,called air-plane ,crawls across its fore-head ,invisible to me ,hidden among the layers of blackness .Crickets sing their crazy song , rejuvenated by the rain that accompanied the dusk today .The air shivers with cold ,its the rain you know..Everything is wet ,the earth ,my court-yard ,even this wall against which I rest my feet .But the rain stopped showing off with the dusk’s passage into night-solemn ,melancholy night .Another one thunders past overhead ,this time ,faster and louder .I guess I get to see/hear these planes at least once an hour ,sometimes even every thirty minutes .Its good whetting of curiosity for a plane-watcher(‘metal-n-glass bird’-watcher).

Some very cat-like noises float in from nowhere .Must be the smart-cat which has been sneaking into my balcony .We have been having a stand-off between us for the last two days ,and the tension is only building .I detect a growing nonchalance in its feline-ly graceful stride .Just the other day when I did a half-hearted ,cowardly ,’shooing-off’ act ,it gave me one chiller of a look .It just lowered its neck an inch ,puckered its eyebrows(I saw eyebrows ,swear-to god I did!)and gave me a long and hard stare ,as though to say ,’try me ,hothead’ .But it left peacefully enough..I too let it off at that.(Come off it baby ,what’s with the cat’s stuff ?Its just a cat)..oh yeah,its just a cat..!I hope curiosity kills it!

Its grown quite silent and dark now .The sky is a clear star spangled play-ground .All lights are out except here .Ofcourse ,people have stuff to do and places to go and some purpose to wake up to .Not everybody is as jobless as I am …….in the middle of midnight..

Goodnight..

ps..heyyy!!my visitors' counter crossed 100!!(i dreaded it never would!!)

Nobody deserves to be hated.........,or thrashed;least of all a child for his seeming shortcomings.For all you know,he might be really good at other things.And nobody is worthless........please,nobody is worthless........

THE BITCH

Issued in public interest:Do not read this one.Its heartless.

What is it that comes to your mind when you hear that word ..’bitch’?I can guess that picture that has already flashed in your mind. So you are prepared with an answer to my question ,right?

Well then, read on…

Last week,I saw something and since then, my personal definition of that word has changed..I had been to my college after two weeks of nothing-to-do at home,my exams were all over and I was leaving college..so I had gone to get the papers ready.The cutting off of the umbilical chord between me and my alma-mater,I thought. I was there to apply for my TC.There were old friends standing around under the bamboo cluster,comparing their application forms and chatting up on those two weeks of separation .I was seated among them in the shade underneath ,feigning to fill my friend’s autograph book and blabbering along.Now,there is this family of dogs (no,not a pack!......atleast not for me!) that roams the campus,a bitch and its tiny puppies..all rusty brown colour with a nose that made them look like the cute ‘hutch’ puppy,as I called them.I had wanted all along to click a photo of theirs,I had the exact picture in mind,a close-up of their face with those big honey eyes staring..And they were lounging near-by just then..(ughh...i don’t wanna write this……)

Suddenly, there was a shriek from my right-side.When I turned I saw a puppy turned on its back beating all four of its legs furiously!A car was braked suddenly, just inches from it;the brake-lights glaring!A few seconds passed in stunned silence..and the bitch started barking dazedly at the car,which sped off as the barking grew louder.I covered my eyes with my hands and crouching low,put my head between my knees to deafen my ears to the angry barks..people from the nearby building came out hearing the commotion..they wore a numbed expression,eyes straining at the barking dog..and murmuring ,’mahapaapam!’,’kashtam!’..

All the other pups had run away scared and whimpering.Only the bitch and the run-over puppy remained.The puppy had stopped beating by now,turned on its side,its head now covered in running blood.When I raised my head again to steal a glance,she was licking the puppy all over its head!Covering,I let out a yelp..my stomach felt knotted..I got up and walked away as fast as I could.

It must have been half an hour since it happened,when we had to come by again as it was the road leading to the college gate,and we were ready to leave. The dead pup had been removed .The crowd had also broken,and there was no one left except that mother-dog(I can’t say bitch anymore),now joined by the other pups which had all come back to her and were now pressing against her... It was sniffing the way that the car had gone,but not being able to find the trail,was lurching dazedly hither-tither followed by the other pups jumping at her face and sides.The dog itself looked oblivious and was tottering round and round……too lost to whimper ,even…

Did I say ‘cutting off of the umbilical chord’,somewhere……?

Note:I feel sick after writing this.Unseen hands move my fingers tonight,and I yield unwillingly to that hand,for I feel that but for me,you will always have that same picture flash in your memory whenever you come across that word,’bitch’..