7th Heaven

This post is specially dedicated to the impatient gentleman(cm-chap..).Nothing less than an impatient snort could have forced me to come up with this!

My training center -The golden cage

(just in case you are wondering,the girl in the picture is not me!)

The globe multiplex--'mera globe mahaan..'

weekend respite!

Poool.. ..is just soo exquisite..

I am planning to courier this back home

ps:I hope to come back and make some less cryptic posts..if and when time permits..

The Kid Grows UP


I am joining Infy on 29th oct.
My Life-
Starting Phase 2-
...


please bless..:-)

Some pain in the A($$)RM

There’s something good about pain.. like Amitabh Bachan says in one of those ads, ‘Dard main bhi kuch baath hain’, and no, I am not driving at the point that pain is what is felt more profoundly than joy, so don’t go barking up the wrong tree. I am in pain. Oh yes !!I am !!Even as I am typing this, little needles of pain are penetrating through my flesh.. So I halt ..then continue…the pain comes back again, so I decide to type with the right hand alone.. what’s the matter with me ??I had this swelling in the left hand that had to be operated out. It will just take very few days to heal, and to think of the melodrama I threw!!

But ever since we decided to get it done ,life’s been good for me. The day before was spent by my supportive folks giving me pep talks which went something like this.

Mom : Its just a tiny li’l thing ,so there’s not gonna be much pain.. don’t worry..

To that ,I do the ‘I’m a brave gurl’ nod of my head.

Dad : Awwww ,my baby girl….

I want to console him ,but can’t and end up chewing my nails..

Grandma : Tell them, and tell them sternly that you can’t stand any pain. Ask them to give you local anaesthetic lest they forget or something…lacchuuu, its really painful without anaesthetics..

I stagger a bit ,run upstairs , pack my bags and almost abscond.

Brother : Wateva!!

My response : #$#$%

But things go remarkably smooth at the hospital. The surgeon talks on incessantly ..But I know that trick, it’s the oldest trick in the book .If you ever went to a hospital and surrendered yourself willingly to a needle prick ,all the while managing a ‘please don’t kill me, I’m not done living yet’ look, you would know too. Its their own patented style of diverting the coward patient’s attention.

The doc shows me the tiniest needle on earth, just the length of an average nail.
‘These tiny things are specially designed for people as brave as you are.’
Oh yea ,that courage runs in the family.. Once when my father was one of the bystanders while one of his sisters were getting an operation done, he was so courageous that he had to be given a B.P check and was made to lie down, and gave everyone else quite a scare.

On another occasion under a similar situation ,my cousin brother proved his courage. That time, he was asked to give some of his blood for his father’s operation. The brave son promptly obliges, follows the nurse ,and five minutes later we get news that he fainted sighting his own blood, and had to be carried away from the battle-front, I mean the ICU-front!

Courage runs in this family!

I sit there gripping my eyes shut with the right hand and every muscle in my body pulled tense, the left hand stretched out for any hell that was to follow.
So the doc asks me while slitting my skin, ’Are there really benches in companies, where people are seated when they don’t have projects to work on?’
(why don’t you go n look, anyway it’s a bad joke..)

‘No ,I don’t think so’..

And then the doc says ‘tadaaaa, thank you!!’

‘wha??’

‘its done.its over’he says clapping his hands..gawd,that was quick!!

An hour later, I am back home gorging on strawberry ice cream(izz good to forget da pain..mmm..) with dad listening to the gruesome details. He hadn’t come to the hospital saying, ’You and your mom are enough for this, its not anything big so I needn’t come.’

Oh yeaa, I know you are soo brave ,daddy..So we brave gurls, amma and me, went alone.
‘Achaa, the doc was so good that I didn’t know a thing’, I manage to say between mouthfuls as he nods his head looking on lovingly, and helping with the ice cream. Earlier , just as I had walked into the house holding my left arm with my right hand, he had burst upon me ,‘Oh my darling jelly fish daughter, look what they have done to you’.
‘Jelly wha??’ I ask mom, who just walks by smiling..

Since the whole thing had taken just around 2 hours of the morning, amma who lives by the so very boring ‘work is worship’ principle ,rings up office and is told to get to office after feeding me lunch ,by her boss(from hell).Five minutes later, the same boss woman calls back and tells mom that its okay if she can’t come to office ,just in case the 21 year old baby needs intensive maternal care. But I do the brave girl act again (twice the same morn, not any more..),and lets mom go, who returns home just as I wake up after my afternoon nap, and along comes Valyamma (mom’s elder sis..one n only..)with loads more food. I sink into the couch and start on the story –telling again, the doc this, and the needle that ,and the nurse this ,and the syringe that. All refreshments are brought to me at my outpost in front of the telly, where I watch tv some ,narrate my story some ,and eat some, and then eat some more.. Later on, at the noisy and overcrowded sitting room of my cousin’s home next door where the entire joint family(we all live close by)get together for our daily dose of cable tv ,somebody vacates their precious seat for me .Usually we occupy seats on a seniority basis, or at times when push comes to shove ,through fistfights. .In return for the hassle free acquisition of the seat, I entertain them with ‘The story of my hospital visit’ during the commercial breaks.. gory details thrown in for the really small kids.

At home , I have been awarded many a luxuries(for this tiny bandage on my arm) like:-

I am exempted from getting the phone or the door bell.

I am allowed round-the-clock tv viewing.

I don’t have to go to kitchen ,the food finds me..courtesy mommy..

I am not allowed to move even a muscle

Hmmmm… I am loving it!! For me, who stopped being the centre of all attention in this house at the tender age of three ,with the coming of my brother, all the pampering looks fit for a queen. And to throw some statistics, my parents have stroked my forehead more in the last two days than the combined count for all theses years.. that’s something..

But there are downsides too:-

I don’t know when I will be able to ride my two-wheeler again.

Because of that, I can’t go to the library .shit

I can’t go out anywhere on my own, in fact. double shit

And if I can’t go out, I can’t recharge my mobile whose validity expires tomorrow. The dilemma because the other occupants of this house are lobbyists for BSNL headed by mom who is employed with BSNL. So I can’t get help recharging my Airtel SIM. Humph!!But my airtel account will last for another week, hopefully, so no sweat.

So that’s the story of my happy outing with pain!

Pain ain’t all that painful after all huh??.*smiles the serene smile*

B.l.i.n.d. Date

I had been sitting there for some time now, taking in the scene. The place did have a romantic touch. A plain glass wall ran beside me ,and I had the unhindered view of the smooth glass exteriors of the adjacent high-rise. What a view !Had it been my home town, tiny and throbbing, the view from such a spot would have been the clear blue sky, broken sporadically by coconut tree-tops. In this big city ,the sky probably is visible only to the homeless.

The coffee spewed steam from within its untouched cup. I was still contemplating whether to go ahead with it or not. On the one hand, ordering coffee the first thing in any restaurant came out of habit ,and on the other hand I had just read that coffee could be bad for health. I decide to chuck my health for the craving. From the invisible stereo system came the low, enticing voice of Atif Aslam..’zindagi ne..’ The wait had become so romantic, I could even imagine the hot Aslam himself standing by the corner and crooning. So there I sat ,on the edge of the seat, ready to fall, head over heels.. ’just make the entry ..baby..’

Ten full minutes since I had taken this window seat in this strange coffee shop. It was my first visit to that place ,was in fact surprised when he suggested the place for the get together. I frankly never knew of its existence .It sure was quiet, as he had promised, and the music was tasteful too.. for all the taste he had showed in picking this place for our first meeting ,I half imagined him to be handsome ,with deep voice ( ref:George Clooney)and deep ,brooding eyes(ref: Johnny Depp)..Oh yes, it was going to be the first real meeting, the very first time.. friends at office had teased about this being a blind date.. The call fixing this meeting had come in a bit too late for us to meet for lunch, so we had settled for the late afternoon tea ,with him suggesting this meeting spot. Though none of us newbies had heard of this place, the ‘Reserved’ plate bore the name of our company ;so this must be a frequent hangout for the senior guys. Anyways, the announcement will make it easier for him to find me. Since we had never seen each other before, the plan was that he will spot me first and come over.

God! Another 5 minutes.. How long is this man going to keep a lady waiting..? But this lady was ready to wait, ever so patiently ,for the stud to arrive..I checked my laptop the umpteenth time since that morning , going through the reports that the boss had given me and the slides that I had prepared out of them to make the persuasion easier. It was around mid morning that the boss had called me in and announced,
“Harsh wants to meet you”.As I silently voiced a “Harsh ,who??”and quickly did a mental check in my ‘friends and acquaintances’ list without a clue, the boss had simply continued talking to his laptop’s beaming LCD screen..”Harsh is from Zetpack, next only to the top guy in the evaluation team, in charge of our joint blue orange project .He had an informal meeting scheduled with Usha, but since she is off quite unexpectedly, we are sending you. She has already sent in all the required reports ,so you just take care of the presentation. ”Oh yea…a presentation..! That cake walk and the day’s job’s done..!Now,. Usha is the oldest one in our team , even older than the boss. Donno where she was, but wherever she was ,thank you for the rest of my day off. Details of the rendezvous was passed to me by the boss later on and here I am..

”Excuse me!!”, I say to the man who had suddenly seated himself opposite me ,breaking my reverie. “Harsh” says the middle aged man with greying hair ,a hand stuck out for the inaugural handshake.I let out a deep breath and gulp down a mouthful from the glass of water trying in vain to lose the w.t.h expression on my face, stands up and shakes his hand, very vigorously,almost in danger of playing up the enthusiasm melodrama. We both sit down and I promptly adjust my laptop so my face is well hidden behind its screen.

‘I heard from Raghav that Usha was off’,the voice from yonder.

‘Oh yea,Usha..is ..off.yes,she’s off today..’me,swallowing more air due to the sudden shortage in oxygen in the vicinity.Royal screwup!!

My hand emerges from behind the wall to grab the hateful cup of coffee and try to take a sip from the empty cup(whoa!its empty!!)and puts it down with a clatter onto its saucer..I shall venture a peek at his face later on,but not now..definitely not now..whew..*sweat*

Screw this crap system where everyone is called by their first names, I mean how was I to know what to expect. Now, Usha really is Mrs.Usha.. see, that makes it easier. If the boss( Mr.Raghav,’Mr’ because he is elder than me)had said Mr.Harsh, as he is elder than him, I would have gotten some idea about my..duh..blind date…wouldn’t I??

‘I hope you don’t mind the music’, the voice..

‘No...Harsh’. Screw the system! Again!

The meeting got back on track after that, with my almost-date Harsh, turning out to be a father of two, a clever management guy and a gentle man. The meeting lasted for 75 minutes in all, after which I had to get back to put in another three hours at the office.

There’s just about half an hour left now,before I call it a day,but the laugh riot in here still hasn’t subsided!!Duh!

"It was Usha's day off.Thats where it went wrong..",I laughed along..
"NO!!It was Cupid's day off!!Thats where it went haywire...........!!"

Crime And Punishment—Dogged by TAGS

Crime:-I tags Ankit .

Punishment:- It boomerangs!I am tagged back/in return/again/ (take your pick)!

An endless list that reads like the do's and dont's of life..

Friendly Philosopher’s Advice:Don’t read it!!Take the tag,do it yourself,and then come back,if you still feel so..

Here's the rules of this game- Without changing the first word, write a sentence that captures you/your essence... (i.e.whatever comes to your mind..)..Ok,look up those words and get going..

Accept -appreciation (and advice…lol) with grace.So many are total suckers at that.

Break- the rules,only sounds good!!

Create- your own private heaven ,for the times when you need to escape.

Decide –I wish that act was as simple as it sounds.

Explore -your own mind-space and be surprised!

Forgive -only at times when forgetting is better than losing forever.

Grow- and let grow.

Hope –keeps me alive.

Ignore -those crushes that turned sour..

Journey- to the heartlands,where the real people are..

Know -that you are special!

Love - without preconditions and pretensions.

Manage- is only an act ,the thought is in the vision!

Notice- the beauty in others..(people are snobbish enough to pretend not to notice..)

Open- the heart ,let the dreams be your wings..

Play- not with feelings..the scars take long healing..

Question- before you believe.

Relax-try saying that when I am really worked up,and the heaviest object in the near vicinity will make forceful contact with your head..lols..now,i have warned you!

Share -a laugh once in a while,its good for the nerves.

Try -new stuff ..at least to break the monotony..

Use -your creativity..it revitalizes..

Values ….are ..valuable..??lols..i pass …..

Work- for those things that matter to you..and you will be in auto-hard-work mode

X-rays-I wish that would reveal people’s real thoughts..

Yield –only to love and god

Zoom-ahead of the crowd!!

Psssss..You read the whole thing,didn’t you??*shakes head in disbelief* (children grow up and even become sane adults,but never learn to take sound advice..)

And now to pass on this tag..I take no names this time for fear of misspells and serious over-reactions!But everyone’s invited…each and every one of you..

PS:MY employer has given me THE call!!I am thrilled to bits!!

Being Tagged

My impressions on Tagging:

1. Wow!that will be a ready-made topic to blabber about. The job’s half done!!

2. Its a good idea. But who on earth would really want to know all that?

3. Isn't this thing getting repetitive..

4. Whoa .Why doesn’t anybody tag me.??

So here I am !Tagged by my good friend Krish. or do you want me to call you Aparna..

1. Pick out a scar you have, and explain how you got it.

I will tell the story of the latest one.Not a scar exactly,it’s a bite-wound on my ankle,resembling the one that Dracula leaves behind on his victims..wanna guess??...no,not a snake!!Don't give me the creeps just cos I said ‘guess’..but it was Dracula’s blood-sucking cousin and hopefully the last of that species left on earth-leech!(Location:Edakkal in Wayanad ,during the college trip last year).One tiny insect(!),the sight of which stuck to your skin can give you a cardiac arrest out of the shock.Well, it did to me..but I have already thought of a useful use for it!When my children misbehave(that is once I have children..),I will just show them the bite-wound and tell them I got it from Dracula when I was a child myself and had misbehaved!!haha..i am ingenious..

2. What does your phone look like?

Boohoo..there goes my whatchyacallit—‘I am Alexander graham bell’s grand-daughter ‘ego.my phone was the first of the polyphonic colour phone genre from Nokia..don't ask the people at Nokia , they will simply disown me..*sob,sob* it’s a Nokia-3100 .

3. What is on the walls of your bedroom?

Lots and lots of pictures of Lord Ganesha…I am a firm devotee and a bigger fan. Over the years ,we have worked out a fluid and working agreement (‘terms of service’—I behave myself and I get stuff in return)between us…so things are just rocking between the two of us..

4. What is your current desktop picture?

It’s a picture of the frontal elevation of my own recently done-up home taken from my cousin’s new Nokia n73 music edition mobile phone….see..he is the real grand son of graham bell..*sob.sob* (disclaimer:this is no ad for Nokia)

5. Do you believe in gay marriage?

Yes!Hell is for everyone!How can you rebuke their claim?…and then,why play the painful spoil-sport??(I meant the hell only..wipe off that devilish grin..)

6. What do you want more than anything right now?

Tough one

Objectively-my evening’s cup of tea

Philosophically-I want to be able to tell the answer to that question.

Truthfully speaking my mind-I want to be called up by my employer and be up and running, getting my hands dirty on all things IT! These days I feel a film of rust settling on my brains and limbs due to sheer inactivity..sigh…

7 . What time were you born?

I have no idea. I didn’t have my watch with me then..sorry!

8. Are your parents still together?

They are !!and I think they merit Param Veer Chakra awards for that feat!!

9. Last person who made you cry?

Can I pass this one?? I just can’t remember..it must have been while watching some movie..

10. What is your favourite perfume / cologne?

Denim..is soo hot!!

11. What kind of hair/eye color do you like in the opposite sex?

Hair-straight, slightly wavy, cropped short, black hair. Neatly combed.

Eye- jet black.

12. What are you listening to?

‘Ahista.. Ahista..’ from the movie of the same name..

Soulful music and soulful rendering !!and a beautiful story to go with it..

‘teri batein ..teri yaadein…kar gayi woh asar

har jaguh bas tu hi tu hai,..dekhoon mein jidhar..’

13. Do you get scared of the dark?

Not if I am inside my home .or with my folks.But out in the dark,on my own,I get a creepy feeling..like some one is watching me from behind..

14. Do you like painkillers?

Only if they are in the form of jokes..

15. Are you too shy to ask someone out?

No never!I keep asking my younger brother out and he keeps turning me down..

Otherwise ,I have never had to.

16. If you could eat anything right now, what would it be?

Hot n spicy chilly chicken from ‘Open House’.If you ever lived in tvm,you will know..if you haven’t ,it’s a real pity..

17. Who was the last person who made you mad?

My main-project team member!! She thought she could dump her share of work on me just because I worked like a dog on the project..!On the day of the final presentation ,I simply blew my fuse.!(well,if any software engg is reading this,is their a way to deal with people like that..i mean other than blowing one’s fuses??)

18. Who was the last person who made you smile?

1.My buddy from college in Mumbai ,Viji,who’s been there only weeks and is already sick missing home and friends here.Yesterday night ,when I checked my mobile just after a half hour break,there were 15 smses from her(@1 in the night)..surprised,and a bit worried for her ,I replied ..and then we chatted (d sms way..)till I dropped asleep…my friend, who never stayed awake beyond 9,stayed up till 2, sms-ing..paavam..(poor thing) !

2.My best friend,due to the long mails..

I don’t know if anybody’s even gonna bother with reading this.But it’s the first time in my life that I am being tagged,and thanks for that!This will go into my personal list of first-times..

I am passing the baton to aishu,mukesh,ankit and nocturnal poiesis.Enjoy guys!!

Good (Golden) Evening

The lone eagle traces a majestic circle in its solitary heaven .Even higher , the clouds are turning a mellow golden hue. Jarring music thumps at my ear drums. It’s the curse of living in civilization. So , I was thinking…

At the time when man decided to walk the paths of civility and socializing , my ancestors should just have left the herd and quietly walked away in the opposite direction and towards the sunset. Let the people obsessed with progress seek the sun-rise , we are contend watching the sun set over the golden sea waves , breathe the night air , and sigh to the naked stars..at least , we wouldn’t have had to give up on our silences then.

I am sure ,in such a free and open world ,we would have procreated and procreated and would have built a formidable army of our own-of poets, not soldiers! Like the solitary eagle , we should have sought only the purest gold that nature had to offer-the water , the sands , and the air..nothing more complicated than that.nothing less beautiful than that either!

Innumerable evenings have I spent watching the sky grow dark. The clouds , like dreaming feathers floating in the breeze are initially white , like balls of cotton. As the evening starts crawling towards dusk , the clouds change hue many times from white to yellow to baby-pink to gold to red to flaming crimson. At that time , the sun will have reached the sea-line , throwing furious red light on the sea waves making the sea look like molten lava , before quickly drowning itself and turning all my adorable clouds to grey. Losing myself in the show of colour and splendour ,I try to dream of my might-have-been ancestors..gazing at the sunset without a worry in the world..and no jarring music too.hell no!!

Enya-Evening Falls

I am home - I know the way.
I am home - feeling oh, so far away.

I Wish..

I only wanted to leave my mark

Upon the pages of history.

I only wanted to find that path

Upon which thousands would follow me.

I only wanted to make my friends.

Party through the night and into the day.

I only played the naughty pranks

To make friends laugh, but do no harm.

Last year ,the night before the valentines' day

I only wanted to waltz with you.

And every time that you looked at me

I only wanted to tell you that.

Sometimes I wanted to swim in the creek.

Soar and sing in the sky like a lark.

And when the wind blew on my face

I only wanted to let my hair loose and smile.

I only wanted to believe in angels

And that there was one in everyone.

Just that some people let it show

And some covered it up for no reason at all.

Sometimes I wished for the prince on the horse

Who would kiss me awake and fight for me.

Then I realized they were no more

And learned to fight my battles on my own.

Sometimes I wanted to stand in the rain

Let the water wash away all the pain.

How I wish I could laugh out aloud

And have nobody stare at me!

At times I hoped to speak my mind

Before it was too late and all was lost.

I wish I had the courage then

And not have to mourn later on.

I only wanted to reach the sky.

Touch the stars and walk on the moon.

I only want to be as free as a bird!

I only want to break my chains!

But my biggest wish of all

Is to have ten thousand more wishes!

Cos the hope and cheer in a wish

Is in itself worth a wish!

VOILA!Life Is A Song!!(Part One)

The very first lab session of my engineering studies ,anything of any practical purpose anyway, was the Data Structures lab.(DS..Data in Structured arrangement..or so I think..)and it blew my fuse ..big time!!..

In the 4 years of engg studies,the 1^st year is spent learning things you want to forget the moment you are done with the exams.So it’s the 2^nd year ,or the 3^rd semester that life begins for the engineer..and my life was to turn the IT way..and all that I knew about IT was the mallu word for it,thanx to seniors who made sure we knew..and how….’vivara saankethika vidhya’..whew!

The theory sessions came first.The (guest)lecturer for D.S was a very tiny lady,much resembling a rabbit in face and demeanour.She sang to us endlessly about ..I don’t know..I never heard a word anyway..most of our ‘teachers’ at the time were scarcely that.They were fresh B.Tech pass-outs who wanted to kill time ..We learned about lovely names like D.S,D.B.M.S,and O.O.P.S..that last one was my favourite..OOPS stood for object oriented programming,and the S just tagged along like an initial. Coming back to data structures ,now it is a wonderful subject. One of the most important bricks that were to constitute the foundation of our IT knowledge .Once the initial confusion got over and I accepted that the teaching medium was indeed English and not French (Greek or Latin)as it had appeared initially ,I realized ,one fine day, that the rabbit and my more intelligent classmates were wading through a specific type of quicksand called, algorithms .of course, I knew algorithms ..they were a method of writing down the problem at hand, breaking it up into sub-tasks until it cannot be divided up any more. at that point,all your teeny –weeny tasks can be done in one go… sort of ,you had now beaten the living daylights out of the problem ,and its no more a problem for you.I knew that’s what algos were about.. and I liked it too ,I mean, it’s a cool idea ,init ?They taught this in standard 8^th ,I think ,along with some other basics like ,BASIC itself. .my cobweb of a memory tells me ,those days basic used to mean, beginners all purpose symbolic instruction code.. or was it symbiotic now….?

So on that day of my first DS enlightenment, came my way the first problem ,with a capital p so it was a Problem. As is common knowledge ,you start learning English words with ‘A for apple’.. if its a new programming language, you start it with the ‘hello world ’ program.. much the same way ,a course in algos always start with the ’add two numbers’ problem.It struck me immediately ,algorithms start with the ‘start’ and end with the ‘stop’..but whatever went in between remained unknown.. .people around me had started writing ,and I resigned to thinking, and thought and thought ..and then, I came up with a stunner !My first algo in college..

START

ADD TWO NUMBERS

STOP

Lol!! And to think it looked perfectly sane at the time.. !!There I sat with my prize winner ..

But that was the beginning of the end of ignorance, total and complete. .the ignorance ,not the dispelling…By the time I started feeling comfortable around anything algo,we were into stacks and queues.Now stacks everyone knows…a neat stack of books arranged one on top of the other.. ha, everyone knew stacks. .so I gave my ear drums a rest!After a few weeks of theory, when we were just ripe enough to start our labs, they introduced us to the ‘internet’ lab.. where we were to do our DS labs.. Now, row upon row of silent and completely blank faces(computer monitors)is enough to scare someone on a first visit ,but being given a comp terminal all to yourself! Did they want us to handle this machine all alone? Nothing like it would just jump out of its pedestal and run away, but one never knew ..and all the comps were loaded with Linux.. not even the omnipresent Windows ,ya that really helped ..now I was a complete martian landed on pluto..life’s a song,enjoy!

The first lab question to be tackled read like this:-

‘Implement stack using arrays’

A stack of arrays ??Now if they had given a pile of books or something, I could have given that a try.. I could have done up a neat stack ..of books…but arrays.. really? Can u reread that question for me?? And my neighbour read it out to me.. no luck ,the ‘arrays’ stubbornly remained arrays. .hell!

Now, I had carried my note book to the lab, something is better than nothing, especially when you went to a lab ,..for the first time..it struck me then, the algo for this problem was done in the theory class…voila!there was an algo for this! Now, you just had to put it into formal/business like tones.. ya,just do it using the programming language..and life suddenly became a song…

All self respecting stacks in the DS world are expected to do two things,in the least..push and pop..no ,not plop..like onto the floor..its pop..The push thing went fine,you know everybody knows push..but the pop thing got me.It was something new ,and all things new were scaring me that day..pop..pop..see,pop is where the topmost thing on your stack is removed from the stack..On real stacks ,tht would have been easy…but on a DS stack…I mean,there wasn’t even a real stack..the stack was only in your imagination..and people wanted to put things in it..and whats more,they wanted to take out things they had(never)put in..talk about going nuts…

Ya so,when you do a pop,the topmost thingie has to go away..but where is ‘away’ inside the comp..the recycle bin..?or does it just jump outside of the comp itself??Noway I could have made it do that.. I mean,I just was not smart enough for that..Maybe,I could print it out..I eyed the old dot matrix printer ,probably the very first one to be acquired by the department..Cuckoos had started singing in my brain,and I forgot all shame and stammered my question to rabbit..’ma’am,when you do a pop,where does the topmost element go?’She looked confused..I explained,’like.. ma’am ,when you do a pop,where does the topmost element go?’She brightened up at that.’just delete it’.wow!of course!why didn’t I think of it before…delete…I know delete,there is even a key on the keyboard for it DEL..wow,that’s soo easy..’thank you ma’am,for dispelling this cloud of confusion that was eating me up’..that would have scared her away..so I kept my thanks to myself..and beamed at her,she beamed back,all was well..nothing to worry..cool..life was a song..

But there was something wrong with DEL,every time I hit it,the letters of my code on the screen disappeared!..Those precious words of my own precious code just evaporated from the screen..AND they were not coming back either..I frantically searched the keyboard for a clue..no,I was a gonner,those lines of code were gone..lost..for eternity..and what was this bloody DEL anyway?..Can’t even delete a silly thing off a stack..to hell with DEL..you will rot in hell..!!

Close to pulling off my hairs now,I decided to ask again..’ma’am,I don’t know how to delete the topmost…’blah blah..’just write the function and call it’…function..ah yes..I knew functions..but writing a function with just the name delete,and nothing else inside it ,and then calling it when I needed to delete,..will that work?How will delete() know what I wanted done..?mind reading??’ma’am…(me totally flustered now)but what to write inside that function??I mean where does the element go when it is deleted..?what happens then??’Now ..she gave me an even bigger smile..I guess finally she was sure I was an ignorant fool and not trying to show off with annoying questions..’just replace the element with zero and update your flag..’; enlightenment!! light!!!....at the end of the tunnel!!thank you …for that piece of wisdom..now I will rest in peace in my grave…thank you..life was a song..again..

Disclimer:

'rabbit' is a term of endearment in the writer's dictionary.

i got this analysis on my personality by simply clicking on that picture from a bunch of others..n i think its holy crap! ,but you might be curious to try it out too..jus one thing seemed alrit--free spirited ,i am! Your Personality Profile

You are funky, outdoorsy, and down to earth. While you may not be a total hippie... You're definitely one of the most free spirited people around. You are very impulsive - every day is a new adventure. However, you do put some thought behind all your actions. Still, you do tend to shock and offend people from time to time!

The World's Shortest Personality Test

Last Confession

Tears were fast filling her eyes,blurring the sight before her.The carefully applied mascara getting wet in hot tears.It took just a fraction of a second to turn a soaring heart into a smarting boil.Before the first sobs could break out,and disturb the kissers with its noise,she turned around and ran down the path that lead away from that class room.She frantically wanted to be somewhere where nobody would catch her crying and ask their annoying questions.

[That was my own imagination.The actual diary entry went like this..]

Even now when I try to remember that day,it unfolds before my eyes as though it were really happening right before my eyes.I can see myself standing there at the door to the class,my right hand clutching the edge of the wooden door to keep my knees from giving under me,and my blood running cold like ice.I can still feel the world coming down all around me like a glass wall shattering into a thousand shards..in dead silence !

That evening as I waited beside the railroad track for the train running south, to clear,it seemed to be pulling me towards it with a strange conviction.It would have been glorious to melt into that song roaring thunderously away down south in front of my eyes.

It was pure torture from the start.The first sight ,the falling in love,the longings gnawing away inside me all the while,and now this..and not the least bit of logic in any of it..I would tell my mind that’s why its called love..and a calm voice hiding within me would reply,no.its only that you are losing it…again..

Yes.I was losing it..from the start.I saw you first in a dream during my drug induced sleep one and a half years ago.I had just joined college then and didn’t know anyone there.I was under medication then.They told me I had a ‘mind condition’..a polite way of saying –depression. Of course, it could be cured completely,I only had to take the drugs regularly and let my mind rest.It could have been my mind playing games with me,but when I saw you the next day ,I couldn’t believe my eyes.It was the sound of your laughter,boyish and strong,that drew my mind away from me and towards you.I never let you know that I waited by the path you tread every morning to catch a glimpse.Neither did you know that I talked about you to the trees that bloomed only to make me happy.In the evenings when everyone had left,I would sneak into your class,lie face down on your desk and murmur into it endlessly…..I wanted it to pass on my words to you..Those words of mine didn’t reach you,they failed me and you never knew…Then how did you find your way into my dreams..every one of my dreams..?..that couldn’t have been the mischief of the drugs ,or could it?did you ever even know me?do you know what my name is?or I am the crackhead with no friends and reading all the while,for you too?i think ,now you have answered me .. without looking this way even once..but,i don’t want to know..just hold on to silence like I have done all my life,I will take that rather than an answer.

…

So read a soggy scrap of paper recovered from her person later on :-

I will stand in this rain and let the cold seep into my bones,till I lose consciousness ,if that will make you see..but I will not utter a word..i will drown my voice in silence..and listen for the least flutter in the air if that will tell me you were coming this way..but I will not speak when you can hear me..i will wait for my longings to quiver and become vibrations that travel in the light air until they reach you and touch your skin..know it when it rains hard and the air chills your skin,I am drenching my dreams in the merciless rain..that the rainwater is seeping in through the slit of an open vein and diluting my blood ,that the blue moon smiles in the pool of dirty blood that leaves me now,that two dreamy eyes are twinkling merrily still thinking of you…

Deathly Suspense



Will Harry die??I am consumed by that one thought..as so many others round the world will be,this morn..I hope he lives..

Jobless in the middle of midnight

Disclaimer :-Reading this will not enrich you in any way .The title of the post means exactly what it says!!

The gurgle of a child’s laughter between its high-pitched squeals as it calls out ‘ma..’.Its coming from the second storey of the house yonder to my left, from the window underneath the stair-case .Somewhere else I hear the sound of running water, and my sky(I fancy the bit of sky overhead belongs to me, constantly ,even while I am moving…)rumbles as a giant metal-and-glass bird ,called air-plane ,crawls across its fore-head ,invisible to me ,hidden among the layers of blackness .Crickets sing their crazy song , rejuvenated by the rain that accompanied the dusk today .The air shivers with cold ,its the rain you know..Everything is wet ,the earth ,my court-yard ,even this wall against which I rest my feet .But the rain stopped showing off with the dusk’s passage into night-solemn ,melancholy night .Another one thunders past overhead ,this time ,faster and louder .I guess I get to see/hear these planes at least once an hour ,sometimes even every thirty minutes .Its good whetting of curiosity for a plane-watcher(‘metal-n-glass bird’-watcher).

Some very cat-like noises float in from nowhere .Must be the smart-cat which has been sneaking into my balcony .We have been having a stand-off between us for the last two days ,and the tension is only building .I detect a growing nonchalance in its feline-ly graceful stride .Just the other day when I did a half-hearted ,cowardly ,’shooing-off’ act ,it gave me one chiller of a look .It just lowered its neck an inch ,puckered its eyebrows(I saw eyebrows ,swear-to god I did!)and gave me a long and hard stare ,as though to say ,’try me ,hothead’ .But it left peacefully enough..I too let it off at that.(Come off it baby ,what’s with the cat’s stuff ?Its just a cat)..oh yeah,its just a cat..!I hope curiosity kills it!

Its grown quite silent and dark now .The sky is a clear star spangled play-ground .All lights are out except here .Ofcourse ,people have stuff to do and places to go and some purpose to wake up to .Not everybody is as jobless as I am …….in the middle of midnight..

Goodnight..

ps..heyyy!!my visitors' counter crossed 100!!(i dreaded it never would!!)

Nobody deserves to be hated.........,or thrashed;least of all a child for his seeming shortcomings.For all you know,he might be really good at other things.And nobody is worthless........please,nobody is worthless........

THE BITCH

Issued in public interest:Do not read this one.Its heartless.

What is it that comes to your mind when you hear that word ..’bitch’?I can guess that picture that has already flashed in your mind. So you are prepared with an answer to my question ,right?

Well then, read on…

Last week,I saw something and since then, my personal definition of that word has changed..I had been to my college after two weeks of nothing-to-do at home,my exams were all over and I was leaving college..so I had gone to get the papers ready.The cutting off of the umbilical chord between me and my alma-mater,I thought. I was there to apply for my TC.There were old friends standing around under the bamboo cluster,comparing their application forms and chatting up on those two weeks of separation .I was seated among them in the shade underneath ,feigning to fill my friend’s autograph book and blabbering along.Now,there is this family of dogs (no,not a pack!......atleast not for me!) that roams the campus,a bitch and its tiny puppies..all rusty brown colour with a nose that made them look like the cute ‘hutch’ puppy,as I called them.I had wanted all along to click a photo of theirs,I had the exact picture in mind,a close-up of their face with those big honey eyes staring..And they were lounging near-by just then..(ughh...i don’t wanna write this……)

Suddenly, there was a shriek from my right-side.When I turned I saw a puppy turned on its back beating all four of its legs furiously!A car was braked suddenly, just inches from it;the brake-lights glaring!A few seconds passed in stunned silence..and the bitch started barking dazedly at the car,which sped off as the barking grew louder.I covered my eyes with my hands and crouching low,put my head between my knees to deafen my ears to the angry barks..people from the nearby building came out hearing the commotion..they wore a numbed expression,eyes straining at the barking dog..and murmuring ,’mahapaapam!’,’kashtam!’..

All the other pups had run away scared and whimpering.Only the bitch and the run-over puppy remained.The puppy had stopped beating by now,turned on its side,its head now covered in running blood.When I raised my head again to steal a glance,she was licking the puppy all over its head!Covering,I let out a yelp..my stomach felt knotted..I got up and walked away as fast as I could.

It must have been half an hour since it happened,when we had to come by again as it was the road leading to the college gate,and we were ready to leave. The dead pup had been removed .The crowd had also broken,and there was no one left except that mother-dog(I can’t say bitch anymore),now joined by the other pups which had all come back to her and were now pressing against her... It was sniffing the way that the car had gone,but not being able to find the trail,was lurching dazedly hither-tither followed by the other pups jumping at her face and sides.The dog itself looked oblivious and was tottering round and round……too lost to whimper ,even…

Did I say ‘cutting off of the umbilical chord’,somewhere……?

Note:I feel sick after writing this.Unseen hands move my fingers tonight,and I yield unwillingly to that hand,for I feel that but for me,you will always have that same picture flash in your memory whenever you come across that word,’bitch’..

My Best Friend

‘chookar mere mann ko

kiya thoone kya ishaara..’

What did u do to me,my love….

Oops sorry ,this is no love story. .this one is on ma best mate ,life time best friend!!
She is called aishu,( ohhhhh yes baby ,u r still the one!)
No ,I don’t intend to lavish praise on her, I have already done that in her orkut profile.
I will just tell you how we met and then became best pals.

It was in 1999,when we were in the 9^th class together ,two out and out ,outrageous 13 year olds. .that was when we became friends ending our word-fights and general dislike of the last two years! !She used to be a (filthy ..hehe!!) class representative and rule over us soo. .I remember how, along with two other friends of mine, I had tried to ruin some fashion-show practice of hers for some school day thing! Fashion-show by 8^th graders!(12 year olds.. haha.. man, u were the limits then, still is!)and then one day ,in the following year during some free period, I sang in front of a totally unsuspecting class of 45 girls..(I didn’t sing, they made me!!)Somehow that fateful day, I had ended up sitting at the end of the first row right next to her, and she pushed me off the bench when the teacher had asked, ’Who will sing a song now?’(poor me..)and I sang.. and she fell head over heels for me!!!(eewwwww that’s bloody mushy romantic..)

‘I am born again, I feel free ,no longer alone…’ from BoneyM did the trick!

And we became best mates!!

That song even got me a fan …( bragging rights reserved!)

For the next two years we simply rocked that school. We skipped the morning assembly and attended the prayer sessions in the fairy-tale chapel of ours, which was meant for the Christian students. Our hindu roots did not interfere with those cozy morning prayers ,away from the glaring sun of the school grounds where the assembly was usually held. Ofcourse we were good students in the class, just that she would sit with her head 180 degrees turned towards me, myself being seated just behind her. Come lunch break ,and we would roam the sprawling school premises, till we had been to every favourite spot and satisfied ourselves that everything was indeed fine.Oh! Those trees that we climbed and those walls that we scaled!

She would draw my pictures(bad ones),she would bring me stuff to eat(yummy those ..),and some other times, flowers stolen from the flower vase at her home!! Those days I had two library memberships at the school library, one of my own and the other one ,hers!(lucky me..)she didn’t read much of those books, but could be seen bragging about the books I had read! I am guilty of one thing though ,I used to bore her endlessly with prattle about my favourite movies, no wonder she wrote in my autograph book that the one thing she hated was my narration of English movie tales. But we both loved Terminator2 and exchanged innumerable ‘Astalavista babe’s..

I thought I was the more sensible of the two, but it was she who made me understand how vain it was to fall and be in love with Prince William! At that point of time, I had my mind made up on him.. but for her ,I would never have gotten over him nor looked at another man!(13 year olds!!)But we were the both of us together in love with Nick Carter of Backstreet Boys, and fought endlessly over him..

Apart from the age-related-silly-syndrome that both of us suffered from, she was the sounding board for all my fantastic ideas, and wild dreams. We had huge plans for our lives, oh yes.. magnificent life plans.. we had decided then ,that once we grew up ,

1. We would go on a world tour

2.I will still marry Prince William ,if that was possible

3.and she ,Nick Carter

4.The children would go to school together,and be thick friends like us.

5.She would become a rock star(Madonna??),and me a geeky freak like the villain in Golden Eyes.

6.We wanted to be cheer leaders for a while,but she scared me out of it!

And the list goes on forever, really.

Tragedy strikes:

Promptly after we had finished school, my best friend left for London, leaving me alone here.I was so used to her and her loving ways, I tried searching for an equivalent soul-mate around me. But it was useless ofcourse, there never was anyone quite like her again.For some time after she left, I missed her sooo badly that I would get up from my bed in the night, and write furiously about her in my diary..I have still got those emotional diary entries with me.. neither did I allow anybody to get that close to me again..I don’t know, friendship just wasn’t that colourful without her..

Even all these years later, when I was a bundle of sorrows just a few months ago, my best friend was there to help me through…I guess even if don’t talk or stay in touch directly, the souls have a way of knowing when the other is in need..

So here is this post, dedicated to my life-long best friend.. long live friendship!!

Ps:

you loved and pampered me so much ,

Those days I had a feeling, that I was blessed specially!

Lovya always..XX

Private Emotion

The weekfull of unending rain was enough to turn the most ardent rain-worshipping pagan to a sceptic.This is not withstanding the fact that it gave me high cold and fever for four long days and nights ,and that too right after my exams got over..so , that more or less ruined my celebrations of graduation to a meek(I don’t know who else will agree to that!) caption in the orkut!!

On the third morning,somewhere between consciousness and unconsciousness,I saw myself sitting in my S7 classroom,attending a lecture ,as I had done maybe a year ago..and something deep inside me was willing me to rise because my semester break was over and S8 had already begun.I woke up then,in cold sweat and gasping..i didn’t know I would miss it so much!I remember I used to see similar dreams just after my 10^th and 12^th class board exams too..

Later on,a friend of mine told me he had seen a similar dream of our s8 class too.i know I can go to my college any day,maybe for one more month or so(after that,I donno which god forsaken place I’ll be in),but still I could go there.But there will be no more of attending classes,listening to my teachers speak,no more or writing stories and commentary sneakily during boring hours,(I won’t say bunking classes ,I was a good student and didn’t indulge myself in such freedoms..),no more of the canteen chaais..why should all good things end?

‘It’s a private emotion,that fills you tonite’-Ricky Martin sings so to me ..

and I’m letting it off on you unsuspecting fellas..

I have no more bright words for now,I’m feeling soo low..

‘……….as the shadow steals the light………’

PS:making up for the slip..(more of a private indulgence..)

watch 'private emotion'

Rose
June 13,2007.

That morning ,even the sky was beautiful. 13^th of june,2006.I woke up to a light drizzle that was drenching my window panes ,and the world outside looked misty through them. It was the kind of day perfect for a dream to come true. The rain brought back memories about childhood days when june rains were symbolic of school re-openings ..the rain and the childish chatter with friends…hmm.. time to get off the bed.

The whole day lay ahead of me with nothing much to be done. My exams had just got over and it was the beginning of a week long vacation ,before college would beckon me back with another semester of engineering studies. There were no plans for that week ,not even one outing was ‘scheduled’ ..utter freedom to indulge my lassitude . The morning cup of tea with the morn’s newspaper gave me idea to go treasure hunting -–again !ha! ha! treasure hunt trips-that’s what I call my lonesome visits to the library. Sometimes ,when I have enough and more time on hand ,I just find a book and a chair and lose myself completely ,for a long while.. my treasure hunt usually entails me searching the entire lengths and breadths of the library’s stack room simply browsing ,trying to find those titles or authors which/who I find enticing at the moment . I was reading up everything written by J.M.Coetzee those days . I had finished 3 or 4 of his works and was searching for ‘disgrace’ . with two live library memberships on hand ,and one of those libraries already disappointing me ,all my hopes were pinned on the second one ,and I decided to hunt it down that day.

The inter mitten drizzle couldn’t stop me as I set off on my hunt during one of the rain’s interludes .There was a huge tree in the courtyard of the even more huge library grounds ,and at this time of the year its branches thrusted forth in profusion of lovely rose hued blooms ,as though encrusted with crystals of rose. The shade beneath the tree was carpeted with those blooms that the breeze had stolen . I breathed in the moist sweet scented air as I walked through the mud path leading up to the portico . There was a small crowd waiting to get in and I decided to wait. It was then that my eyes ,aimlessly wandering around ,met with those eyes looking at me. His gaze held me ,for some reason beyond me .The crowd suddenly started moving and I moved too ,losing those eyes again in the crowd.

I made straight to the long hall that was the stack room ,and started following the books arranged in the alphabetic order of their authors in the fiction section. My heart beat faster as I found ‘Coetzee’ .Slowly reading the titles one by one with a prayer in my heart ,I skipped a beat when my eyes fell on it -’disgrace’-my hunt had come to an end! I was taking the book out lovingly ,when a hand snatched it from the other side of the book rack .’Oh! sorry’ –I heard the voice first. As I peeped through the gap, I met with those eyes again ,and I must have involuntarily lit up with a smile ,for he smiled too.

‘I took the book first’ ,said I .’Yea ,but I need it too’-he replied. My temper rose. ’excuse me ,I came just looking for this one here.’ He said –‘can’t you get another book ,there are others from the same author. I am sure you haven’t read all of them ’ ,to which I replied ,’why don’t you do that’.It was a losing battle and he could see that. With a resigned sigh ,he handed the book back. I felt bad for him.’ Maybe ,you can reserve this one. ’he grumbled something under his breath and just walked away without replying. ’snob!’

By the time I got out of the library ,it was raining again. I stood in the portico watching the rain with my prized possession in hand, for I had forgotten to take an umbrella in the excitement of the treasure hunt. About 5 minutes later ,the rain thinned down to a drizzle, and I decided to brave it and walk to the bus stop right in front of the library .Chance was in the mood for a game ,and I saw him again, this time at the bus stop. He was secure underneath an umbrella, and eyed my book grudgingly. Seeing me getting drenched, he held out his umbrella for me. I hesitated, ’the book, its getting wet’-he said with a smile. I stepped closer with gratitude in my mind and callousness on my face.

A few of the branches of the tree hung over that spot. A gentle breeze, a slight rustle among the leaves overhead and a solemn flower tumbled down onto the umbrella. As it was falling to the ground, he caught it in mid air, and did something I considered uncharacteristic of a male. He looked at it with a smile ,and then, put it inside his bag. He looked to see if I had noticed and I promptly looked away. Slowly he turned away and looked upwards.’ This idiot is doing what I do all the time’--ogle at those flowers! So, everyone was in love with those rosy blooms! I too turned my eyes heavenwards and admired them for a long time. Then the two separate and independent gazes lowered ,slowly together and met ..and froze ..

I knew then why the gaze had fixed me in the first place that morning,they opened into a rosy heart ..’So you too like Coetzee ?’,he began .’love him’, I replied. With a hearty laughter ,he said ’no wonder you were fighting like that in there.’ blood rising to my cheeks ,I apologized profusely. ’the flowers are beautiful ,aren’t they..?’..

Oh yes, they were !and so were his light brown tinged eyes ,which twinkled merrily when he talked. The rain, the shade of the umbrella, the rosy canopy of flowers overhead ,and …those eyes ,soft brown ,like the hot chocolate melting within me..

That’s how it all started..

Ps: For your eyes only

I thank my destiny every day ,for that blessed day..

THANK YOU
*************
hello,
I checked my blog after a long time and was surprised(pleasantly so)to find approving words from one or two people kind enough to read this blog..and i wish to thank those people very much.A bloggers inspiration comes from positive responses,so i believe..so thanx for the inspiration
!

HOLIIIIIII!!!!!!!!

FAREWELL HOLI

It was the day to remember for the rest of our lives…the day we played holi, took photos like crazy and finally parted our ways..the last official working day of our college life.

The morning saw us ,the beauties of s8 IT decked up in sari,like we often did at the slightest of chances,only this time it was different,it was going to be the last of our sari sessions in college.but gorgeous we all were..

‘vasanthamullai pole.. ‘

the guys too wore traditional dresses.
the morning started off slowly with a lecture.then we began our dearest shooting spree..we collected the members of the very first gang that was formed in the college,5 of us and took photos at the s1s2 block,the block..the classroom..were we were baptized as GEC-ians and It-ians.memories ,memories..those things we did ,those words we uttered,and those days when we were just kids fresh out of school and in awe of seniors,enjoying unbound freedom..ho!it all seems to me like yesterday.

Sorry,I am diverting!its that disease called nostalgia!

Come afternoon and we all braced up for the game ….’bura na maano,holi hain!!’there were the initial glitches like when we had just a single and tiny packet of colour ,blue colour,just that.but we started it off in high spirits and in no time there were 59 people standing around literally looking blue,like we all had just plunged into a giant cauldron of blue colour!at one point of time ,we were scraping colour off painted people to paint the relatively bare faces.that’s when somebody rushed out of the class covered in bright yellow..yahoo!more ammunition!!it was a mix of hues afterwards and not much was visible for some time.when slight visibility had returned ,everyone of us were coloured from head to toe,we had all become multicoloured hooligans!when we ran out of our colourful resources,we took photos in shouting,screaming and yelling poses.those pictures were adorable,not one face was recognisable !

Somewhat drained, some of them moved to the taps in front of our classroom to ‘get neat’.2 friends and me got a brainstorm-we took the risk and walked to the taps right in front of the staffroom,there we cleaned ourselves to our hearts content,hung around in the hot sun to dry off and returned all mellow and gay to our den.but we were taken by surprise by our better equipped classmates,and were given royal showers from 2 full bottles of water before we could even say’run’!thus it was that we leaped forth into the ‘Great IT Bath’.the unspoken agenda was to soak everyone and maintain everyone in a ‘dripping’ state.there were the ‘bathed and dripping’ people chasing the ‘not soaking wet yet’ ones with water bottles.but the bottles were in short supply and we had to drag some very reluctant people to the tap ,and give them a proper shower-direct from the tap. .man!was it exhausting!
the exhilarating part in the whole thing is –the initial resistance to the bath,then once half a bottle has been emptied on your back comes the sense of hopelessness and self-surrender -you realize that the battle is lost,so you join in the fray and look for the next target –or chicken,if u like.

There were few of them who took shelter in the corridor in front of our beloved server room,hoping we wouldn’t encroach upon those sacred premises.it was no use though!such fun it is to bathe the more reluctant ones!once we had everyone bathed and ‘dripping’,quite satisfied with the days work,or game,we turned to more glamorous stuff like…our photo/video session again.though twice(not once)we suffered royal ‘thaeppu’ breaking our throats cheering and posing for video to a camera not exactly recording our misdeeds,but we were third time lucky.a dripping (read rocking)class photo too.the afternoon had turned us into hungry lions and we collectively stormed the canteen.5 mins after our entry ,the few EC staff who were the only non-s8IT-ians in the area ,fled..must be evidence enough for the racket. Never once ,in our 4 years here,had our classroom look so filled-up, as did the canteen today evening.there was a round of chair-fight to fill in the entertainment slot.there was also a round table discussion(chalu competition)as we cooled off,or rather dried off.having sufficiently drained our energies for one day,we finally split up..aww,the awful part that one.

In between all the fun and uproar, 1 or 2 broken links that were ,quietly clicked into place,just like that-like magic!and that was the best part.it was the day that reminded me of our initial days in GEC-the fun and the innocence.

Ps(to my classmates):-

We had one hell of a holi mates..lovya all..